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  #1  
Old 07-23-2016, 09:25 AM
ryancvg ryancvg is offline
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Default Polyandry advice required

We decided to have a threesome a year back and it was great and my wife liked the guy and became friend with him. They meet few times and went on dates and she seems to be at ease with him and then few months back confessed that she was in love with him but she loves me too and does not want to loose anyone of us. I like him as well and we do get along well, as friends and we both are bi. Last week he came over for dinner and proposed her for marriage she was delighted and wants him to move in with us.

I want to know if anyone has such a situation. What is aftermath of such a situation as I love her and don't want to loose her as well. I feel her affection for me has not reduced but she loves him as well.
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  #2  
Old 07-23-2016, 11:39 AM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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I am polyandrous. I have two husbands who I love very much.

My situation has worked out just fine. But then again my life as it is now evolved slowly over years. I didn't rush into anything. I also do not live under one roof with both men. I divide my time between homes I share with both men.

Honestly your wife and her bf need to slow things down. They are high on NRE.
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Old 07-23-2016, 02:20 PM
Nadya Nadya is offline
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Proceed with care, don't rush things. What kind of a marriage he was thinking of? I take it you and your wife are legally married, so she can't marry another man as well. Was he proposing for some sort of unofficial marriage or does he want your wife to divorce you and legally marry him?

Moving him in might well work, there are many members on this forum who live with two partners in one household - including me. We started planning the move for a year before it eventually happened, and it has worked fine for us. Three way communication is essential in situations like this: everyone communicating directly with the other two.
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Old 07-23-2016, 06:46 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Hi ryancvg,

Polyandry (as you describe it) can work (though it's not guaranteed), and falls under the umbrella of polyamory. In general, you need to take things slowly, communicate with each other (the three of you), and learn as much about polyamory in general as you can. This forum can help. Explore the various threads and don't hesitate to post your thoughts, concerns, and questions.

I wish you the best on your poly journey.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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Old 07-31-2016, 03:58 AM
ryancvg ryancvg is offline
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Thank you everyone.

Yes we are married legally in India and when we move to Australia to settled the marriage was legal accepted. He has offered to marry thru religious ceremony and he told me in front of us he does not want her to divorce me.. and thou he has not officially moved in, he spends most of this time at our home.

We have been talking about it and she has assured me that she loves me and will not ignore me and asked me to join in their life so we have more understanding. And she can't live without him nor wants to lose me.
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Old 07-31-2016, 07:44 AM
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Emm Emm is offline
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You're in Australia? Be very careful about doing anything that looks like a marriage ceremony.
Quote:
MARRIAGE ACT 1961 - SECT 94

Bigamy
(1) A person who is married shall not go through a form or ceremony of marriage with any person.

Penalty: Imprisonment for 5 years.


[snip...]

(4) A person shall not go through a form or ceremony of marriage with a person who is married, knowing, or having reasonable grounds to believe, that the latter person is married

Penalty: Imprisonment for 5 years.
Both parties could be prosecuted.

Last edited by Emm; 07-31-2016 at 07:52 AM.
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Old 07-31-2016, 12:28 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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But surely you could have a private handfasting ceremony. You can keep it small and on the downlow, inviting a limited number of guests you can trust to be discreet.

The legal benefits of marriage won't follow, of course. Many poly V's who feel they are long term committed make insurance arrangements, next of kin arrangements for medical reasons, adoption arrangements if kids are involved, etc. You three also have to agree on how to handle household finances.

I am happy you are all in a good balanced relationship! Congratulations on that. Good on ya, as they say in Australia!
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Old 07-31-2016, 01:03 PM
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Emm Emm is offline
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Sure, you'll probably get away with it unless a particularly vindictive acquaintance dobs you in, but the law clearly says the "ceremony of marriage" is a problem in itself, and a Handfasting or other religious wedding is a ceremony of marriage. Disagree with it all you like, but it's dangerous to tell people that the law of the country they live in doesn't apply to them.
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Old 07-31-2016, 01:16 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Sure Emm, but this law was made to prevent bigamy, where a person would marry another person without the knowledge of their spouse.

There are lots of weird laws on the books in all countries which are never upheld or prosecuted for.

I'd be looking up how often the breaking of this law is prosecuted. If I was really paranoid, and a formal commitment was that important to me, I'd have a private handfasting ceremony with only the 3 partners involved.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 61) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
also loving Punk (42, M) since Oct 2015 (he has recently downgraded us to friends)
"Master," (mono, 34), miss pixi's Dom for 2 years
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  #10  
Old 07-31-2016, 01:19 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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I am female and live with both of my male partners (legal husband and boyfriend). They are not bisexual but were best (?intimate) friends prior to my relationship with Dude.

While the laws re: bigamy are not as threatening where I live as in Australia, I am not inclined to get "married" another time (as the main benefits I see to to marriage are legal/financial and that wouldn't apply to husband #2).

I think that you and your wife need to have a serious discussion as to what "marrying" this guy means to her and how co-habitating would work. When he spends time at your place now does it feel like having a "guest" or another "family member" present? Is he expected to clean up after himself? Contribute to food/bills? Cook for himself? Would he have a room/part of the house to himself? What if he wants to invite guests over? What if YOU want to invite guests over? What about "family" dinners/holidays? etc.
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