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  #231  
Old 02-10-2011, 07:27 PM
pollyshari pollyshari is offline
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Thanks for all the advice and good will. I am considering it all, and then re reading now and then to see how it sounds after I have time to for thought and consideration. Some makes sense and some doesn't. I'll post again when I have questions or make a decision. Thank The Gods that there are people in this world who know that love is not limited.
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  #232  
Old 02-18-2011, 12:15 PM
May May is offline
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Kids are sooo clever...

Our oldest daughter (3 years old now) always called her mother "momma" and me by my real name (well, the nick name by which her parents call me). About one or two months ago she started to call me "mommy" all by herself. No one encouraged her to do that, but you could tell she often was confused when calling for me like this "momm... erm [add my real name here]". So she decided to make things easier by addressing her mothers as "momma" and "mommy" respectively - clear to her, clear to everyone... and brilliant if you ask me

I just wanted to share this very nice experience with children growing up in a triad family.
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  #233  
Old 02-18-2011, 06:18 PM
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Carma Carma is offline
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My 28 year old daughter just found out about us yesterday and basically said she is disowning me until this is over. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ..........AND..................................... .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ........... she told my mother.
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  #234  
Old 02-19-2011, 06:24 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Carma, just remember something you posted in another thread awhile back:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Carma View Post
I sometimes think I'm crazy for this endeavor, but I'm realizing, no -- it's a world that tries to put limits on love, that is what's crazy.
It's her loss if she actually disowns you. My guess, however, is that she might give you the deep freeze for a while, but would probably eventually come around if she stops to see how happy you are.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #235  
Old 02-19-2011, 02:58 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Carma, wow, that's tough. Sorry it went so badly, coming out to her! Ever see those vids for queer ppl "It Gets Better"? Check youtube. Similar to coming out gay, families can need some time to adjust. Sometimes a few months, usually a year, sometimes much longer. She'll probably get used to it sooner or later.
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me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
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  #236  
Old 02-19-2011, 03:03 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Carma View Post
My 28 year old daughter just found out about us yesterday and basically said she is disowning me until this is over. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ..........AND..................................... .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ........... she told my mother.
Your 28 year old is an adult and so are you.... and so is your mother.

Just saying...

We're all someone's child but at some point we have to STOP ACTING LIKE CHILDREN.
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  #237  
Old 02-19-2011, 07:51 PM
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That's harsh Carma.

I remember the moment I realized that my parents were people too. I was on my own, and so were they. Now it goes the other way sometimes and I take care of them! For a time we were equal though... it was a "right of passage" for want of a better term, that happened when I came out to them as Lesbian. Maybe your daughter has reached this. Her reaction seems to indicate the fact that she had glorified who her parents are and now they are just humans doing their thing.

I remember my own disappointment about that when my parents reacted to my news in a way that was not how they usually react to others outside of our family. They are usually very accepting. I was slapped in the face with the news that I had to actually do some educating and work around our relationship together...

hard stuff... I feel for you. keep us updated? How did your mum take it?
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  #238  
Old 02-22-2011, 01:45 AM
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Lemondrop Lemondrop is offline
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Patience, Carma, and steadfastness. You're not doing anything wrong, no one else gets to live your life for you, and if you allowed her to steal your joy it would end up hurting the both of you, whether she realizes it or not. I would just keep living my life the way that made me happy and hope that eventually she will start to realize that, at the very least, she misses you.

I hope I'm being helpful, but I'll share my story with you. When I was in my 20's I found out that my best friend had an open relationship. It shocked me, and I was judgmental, but I still tried to be a good friend. (I think I failed because I was judgmental, but I tried to hide it and I was kind in other areas so maybe I wasn't a completely horrible friend.) The thing that made it hard for me was that her SO started to throw in my face how awful monogamy is and what an outdated concept it is and what a TERRIBLE person I am because I "forced" my husband to be monogamous. This went on for years and I hated him and I hated polyamory and I couldn't hear anything good he said because I was still hurting too much from the rotten things he said to me. For 17 years I hated polyamory because he was so rotten to me, and I couldn't really like it even after I saw my friend happy with her other partners because every time I would start to soften, along came the SO with his hate.

Then two things happened: my friend and her SO split up, so I stopped seeing him on a regular basis, and I started developing a relationship with my current sweeties. So simply put, the hate stopped and some love started. Over time I softened enough that I could embrace the concept that would allow me to be in a relationship with the three people I love. (You should have seen the look on my friend's face when I told her. It was completely out of character for the person she knew.)

The convoluted point I'm trying to make is: You catch more flies with sugar than vinegar. Be firm in taking care of yourself, but let yourself be the mom who loves her, too. She is more likely to find a way to embrace your lifestyle if you are filled with love and joy.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope it's short-lived and leaves everyone grown a little bit when it's gone.
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  #239  
Old 03-17-2011, 12:48 AM
Braeica Braeica is offline
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Poly and Kids- step, biological, adopted, grown kids, little kids, I just have two simple questions.

How have you handled it and what has worked well? What really, really didn't work well, either?

We've got a complicated situation and I think we've rolled with punches pretty well so far, all things considered. But I'd really like to hear other families' experiences.
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  #240  
Old 03-17-2011, 05:04 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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With love. My blog details all sorts of things about our poly family.
We have step, adopted, grandkid, bio kids in a quad.

Just love them, be honest, up front and open and the rest works itself out.
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