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  #211  
Old 03-17-2011, 12:48 AM
Braeica Braeica is offline
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Default Children

Poly and Kids- step, biological, adopted, grown kids, little kids, I just have two simple questions.

How have you handled it and what has worked well? What really, really didn't work well, either?

We've got a complicated situation and I think we've rolled with punches pretty well so far, all things considered. But I'd really like to hear other families' experiences.
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  #212  
Old 03-17-2011, 05:04 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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With love. My blog details all sorts of things about our poly family.
We have step, adopted, grandkid, bio kids in a quad.

Just love them, be honest, up front and open and the rest works itself out.
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  #213  
Old 03-21-2011, 07:32 AM
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TeamD79 TeamD79 is offline
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Default Our kids story

My husband and I became involved in a triangle relationship with our unicorn well established in our marriage and lives. Our oldest is 15 and had the hardest time with the introduction of our girlfriend, however the younger children (8 and 11) didn't seem to bat an eyelash as she was introduced to the kids early on and made to feel part of the family.
We involved the kids in the relationship change seeing as it could change their lives as well as our own. For example we went out to eat and watched movies and played games with them just as if she was part of the family. We have had very close family friends before that were not involved in our relationship, and the younger children simply saw this as the same.

Our oldest being of dating age and doing a bit of soul searching herself saw the truth easily without us ever having to discuss the sexual nature of the relationship, which in our opinion is not their concern because we have raised them to be very open and understanding.
After talking with our daughter however and explaining that our friend made us happy and that it was about more than just sex, she understood and just as the others grew very close to our girlfriend, and that was all it took.

When mom and dad are happy the children usually follow suit if you keep an open relationship with them, not to mention that it is a good example to show the kids to love and grow and to not be ashamed of who you are and who you love.

However, we did have that small fear in the back of our minds that something could happen, someone outside who didn't understand could cause some kind of scene. We were careful to not be obvious in public, we kept the serious part to ourselves. But luckily nothing like that ever happened & even though the relationship is over she still does activities with us, just as several other of our friends do, the only one who knows something has changed is our oldest, who does understand the loss & knows mommy & daddy are hurt.
Our hope is that it will be taken as a lesson in life, one we learned with her as a family.
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  #214  
Old 03-31-2011, 04:00 PM
sweetaugustbaby sweetaugustbaby is offline
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Default children and being poly

Im very new to this world..

Im not even out as bisexual to the world yet but think about it daily..

I dont want to hide that any more..

recently me and my boyfriend found this amazing girl..

she is super..

I think it would work long term with her..

she is everything we could ever want..

I dont see it as just sexual.

In the past Ive never had 3 somes Ive had a relationship with a man and a seperate one with a woman..the guy im with now its all or nothing..

Its an adjustment but Im getting use to it..

My biggest question is my 2 year old seeing mommy with or kissing a woman..I think for this to be sucessful it cant be a secret to my child..because she is so young will it just become the normal or how should I handle it..
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  #215  
Old 03-31-2011, 04:20 PM
sweetaugustbaby sweetaugustbaby is offline
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Im not out at all...That makes things very hard.

I never do anything inappropriate with my boyfriend in front of her..

The most we do is kiss in front of her even..

We live together..

I dont think I will ever even kiss my girlfriend in front of her...I wouldnt want her saying mimi mommy kisses H....

Its pretty new right now guess I will cross that brige when I get to it..but I sooooo appreciate everyones imput..
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  #216  
Old 03-31-2011, 09:01 PM
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Carma Carma is offline
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My mom took it ok, because she knew there were strong feelings between me and my neighbor for many years leading up to this. She said I was out of my mind for thinking my husband was really going to be ok with it, though. And -- she was right, at times Sundance was NOT ok with it. And she thinks he walks on water, and does not want to see our family break up, so she was really concerned for him. Unfortunately, this came out at one of those low times, when Sundance was feeling insecure and afraid Butch and I were secretly conspiring to run away together (we weren't, at all, but he was scared).

My daughter is still not speaking to me. I realize she is just afraid we will get a divorce and her ideas of "home" and "security" will be shaken to the core. She is also very worried that the younger kids will have to go through a divorce. (This is my second marriage, so she went through one when she was 14, and loves my husband and thinks of him as a father).

We aren't getting a divorce! In fact, or marriage has grown stronger and our love, deeper.

My 23 year old knows -- she is very easy-going and understanding, but I keep the details to a minimum. Both the older girls live in New York City, so it's not a part of their everyday life, anyway. Our 4 youngest kids have no idea. Butch has 4 kids, and his are friends with ours, and we all feel that would be very difficult for them to understand. His ex is a HATER, who would twist it into something horrible to the kids. We don't need that.

But I do dream of the day when we can all hang out together. Maybe some barbeques this summer I can't imagine being physical with Butch in front of any of the kids though. That would be very strange. Except for hugs, I guess, because I hug everybody!

My oldest daughter is very conservative. It's my fault, partially -- I raised her that way! She is the only one who went to a Catholic all-girls high school. I had her when I was 15, so I think she was more influenced by my mom than by me, actually. My mom is a devout Catholic. But -- she is pretty cool. My oldest has always wished she had a "normal" upbringing, instead of a teenage mother and going through a divorce when she was 14, she hated that. She wanted the "Perfect Family." She has ISSUES. Now I am waiting for her to start her own "perfect family." I just can't wait to see how she accomplishes that! I'm being sarcastic. In truth, I really do hope she creates a life for herself that is more in line with her wishes. But that doesn't mean I am going to spend one minute of my time feeling guilty for living MY life, and loving who I love.
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  #217  
Old 03-31-2011, 09:23 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Carma View Post
Now I am waiting for her to start her own "perfect family." I just can't wait to see how she accomplishes that! I'm being sarcastic. In truth, I really do hope she creates a life for herself that is more in line with her wishes.
I know full well that my mom felt the same way and I don't begrudge her that at all because I'm just waiting for the day when my 15 year old becomes a parent and has to deal with a smart ass teenager that refuses to do homework. I have gone to my mom more than once and said "I don't know how you did it".
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  #218  
Old 04-01-2011, 06:39 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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two year olds won't really know the difference between kissing your cat or kissing your girlfriend. Provided you aren't making out. If you are confident in your love, then so will they be. Homophobia is taught. If you don't teach it they won't know to be.

It will become normal. My boy thinks it is and we have been poly his whole life... we just decided to not make a big deal about it and keep letting him know that he can love anyone he wants, any gender and how ever many he wants to. he has always known that and always will
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  #219  
Old 04-02-2011, 02:46 AM
koifish koifish is offline
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I often wondered what sort of discrimination kids of poly parents face. I think they can be raised to feel that poly is normal, but I wonder how they feel when they go to school and learn that most people's parent's are mono.
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  #220  
Old 04-05-2011, 03:19 PM
Rachelina Rachelina is offline
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Default Having children in a triad/vee

I did search for this but most of what I found was about preexisting children (actually my husband does have 4 of those but they are with us mainly on weekends). And I saw the thread "new babies" but our situation is different so I decided not to post there.

I almost wrote "having children in a tree" because we are in a gray area between triad and vee. It's a triad in terms of love and a vee in terms of sex, although this could change. Our girl is still on the opposite coast but will be moving back in August, and moving in with us not right away but probably soon. She and my husband want children together. This was hard for me to accept at first, especially since I wanted at least one too, but wasn't sure if I'd be able to (I am 37 and have a few health problems). But I did begin to adjust to the idea, and then....I got pregnant! I'm now almost 10 weeks.

We have a vision of raising children cooperatively....I guess kind of like a Mormon or other polygamous family. I'm 100% certain that our girl is not a cowgirl, and that her love and concern for me is genuine. So I was just wondering if anyone had any thoughts, or stories about this kind of arrangement, or ideas about how to make it work smoothly. I know it's all in the very early stages but right now I'm optimistic and excited.
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