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  #191  
Old 12-22-2010, 07:22 PM
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Well, this will be an interesting topic

I have three children, my eldest will graduate high school next year, the youngest is still in primary.

I did not plan to have any of mine - except for the middle... the other two were definitely unplanned.

Despite everything my children have been put through, everything they have had to contend with. I can see my own influence still working on them, I see it in the way they think for themselves... I see it in the way they will, in the middle of their own funk, surprise someone they care about by doing a gesture of love for them, making others smile when they are down...
I see it how they question their own beliefs, and the beliefs of others, and do so mostly respectfully (they are still kids ) I see it in how they are respectful of other's opinions and thoughts, and in how they are healing each other from the hurt they have been through, despite that a couple of years ago they blamed each other.

I see it how they learn from the mistakes I have made throughout their lives - and choose for themselves to do better, to be different... I am so proud of my children, they make MY world better... hopefully they make everyone else's better too.

They still fight and squabble, and be selfish and miserable to each other - but when I step back - they are building a beautiful thing together... and I know that my strength and determination for them to have that... that is what is giving them the push to do it...

As much as I feel shame and guilt for the hardships they suffered, I am so very proud of helping them start to heal, helping them build their strengths back, and so very proud to stand back and say - these are my children... beautiful through and through...incredible people they are they give me strength and courage, just as I give them a springboard to explore the world from, and a safe place to rest

LOL - hopefully that rambling answered the question somewhat - very hard to answer, as my answer is a 'feeling', a 'knowing' in myself that it is good and right... it just IS.
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  #192  
Old 12-22-2010, 07:43 PM
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I got so wrapped up in why I want to have kids that I forgot to ask: How does it relate to your choice to be poly? How does it enrich / make more difficult your poly life?

For me, the choices are related - part of why I choose to be poly is because I'm coming to believe that the more love and bonding there is to share, the better the world is and the better my life is, and monogamy isn't a restriction that I would want to come in the way of that. I can see how poly may very well become more difficult with children. My extended family would by no means approve of poly if they knew, and I'd like my children to know their grandparents, so... I'll have to take things as they come, but I do think that part will be more difficult. On the other hand, I can imagine that child rearing will be enriched with more caring adults around.
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  #193  
Old 12-22-2010, 08:04 PM
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I am unsure as to how my children would react (if I ever got something happening )... my eldest would likely not take it well, my youngest would probably think it awesome, confusing but awesome (more pressies you see... no seriously more attention ), and the middle would likely be confused but accepting... she has her own things she is sorting through in regards to her sexuality so maybe it would go over her head...

i am quite stubborn and would expect my relatives (immediate family) to be understanding or to hold their tongues - thats just how my family works... not always a good thing but it works, mostly.

I would see as an opportunity to give my children the experience that its okay to be different, that they can choose the way they want to live and they will still be accepted by their family, its easy to say its okay - its another thing to immerse yourself in it and experience it... there is no better teacher than experience

LOL - yet another rambled response - sorry about that - I had never really thought specifically about what value the children would receive from it - other than extra adult(s) and support...

Make more difficult - custody issues...
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  #194  
Old 12-22-2010, 08:13 PM
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Great topic, great reasons to have children.


I am a mother of 4.

I also love children. I love raising them, and watching them develop, and seeing their interactions and their views of the world. I love debate and discussion and offering them a soft place to fall.

I love the crap moments too. Children have taught me as much, as I have taught them.


Poly can have benefits and restrictions. I just said on another thread I don`t care to 'come out" to anyone , or throw my poly in my families face. I have made the decision to be fairly private, but not live like I commit some shameful act.

I would like my trusted poly partners to be around my children, as I think the old adage about it taking a village to raise a child, is true. We dont live in a world anymore, where you can trust your neighbour down the street to call you and tell you if your child is in trouble.

Poly can fill that void, in a round-about way.

On the other hand, I dont care to have my childrens' childhood be centred around my poly lifestyle, via their interactions and overhearing of family members. If shit ever did hit the fan, I would deal. I think its my job to show my children that what I am, and do, is private, but NOT shameful.


With children come sacrifices and choices. Many of which, we are more then happy to do.
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  #195  
Old 12-22-2010, 08:28 PM
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Having children was always a given for me, though if things had gone as planned I'd have a 1 year old now instead of a 9 year old. lol. Though some miscommunication between my different doctor's offices, I was put on a combination of medications that negated my birth control. Having more children has been off the table for a few years now. Early on our son's health problems and subsequent surgeries put having a second child on hold, then we just plain couldn't support another child, and now I don't think my joints could handle the strain.

As for how poly affects our son (and our partners' son); it doesn't much, because they don't know that their parents are anything more than best friends. I'd say that their son has had a bigger adjustment, but that's just because his mom is starting to be a bit more social outside their immediate family and that means that she's leaving him home more often. Infact, last weekend was the first time he's ever been left home w/o adult supervision (he's a teenager) and that was so our quad could go to see Tron: Legacy.
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  #196  
Old 12-22-2010, 08:28 PM
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Well said SourGirl
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  #197  
Old 12-22-2010, 09:58 PM
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Wanting kids is a new thing for me. I had been....indifferent to rugrats until a few years ago. I have since "wanted" kids but had no real inclination to putting in the work.

Meeting sourgirls children and see how she parents and how the children "are" inspired me in a lot of ways. Really pushed me to be more conscious of wanting kids.

At this stage, my wife and I are looking at the steps to make it possible. With the medications she is on, this is a big job to get this going. But I/We are finally motivated to make it a reality.

As for having kids and being out. Not sure, I guess I will cross that bridge when I come to it.
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  #198  
Old 12-22-2010, 10:07 PM
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I have 4 and my Godson.
All of the kids know we're poly.
I don't think any of them care, but there isn't a lot of drama about it either.

I've always been a "take me as I am or go away" kind of person. We don't throw poly in people's faces, for example, I have a friend whose a Deacon in the Episcopal church. Sexual behavior to her is meant to be in the bedroom between husband and wife. She knows I don't feel that way-but I don't go about doing things that make her uncomfortable and she doesn't impose her rules on me either, so if I want a sexually charged kiss goodbye from GG while she's here, I take it to the front entry. Not in her face, not missing out either.

At the same time, we don't hide it from the kids. It would be a nightmare to try to. Our oldest has always known I was poly-even before we knew the word. That's just me.

The younger ones we explained things to last September when I "came out" and decided to put everything on the front burner.

I couldn't live poly and keep it a secret from my kids. To me it would be a contradiction of what I believe. If it's that important to me, then whose to say it won't be to them? They deserve to know it's ok to be whoever they are, poly, mono, straight, gay, bi etc.
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  #199  
Old 12-23-2010, 07:50 AM
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Little buddy (LB) is an absolute joy. He is the one I want to hang out with when my life is hard and I need solace. I went and sat with him tonight as he did some craft project that I didn't understand. I cut something when he asked, held things that were gluing and he fed my soul and made me realize that when life sucks, its important to remember its as simple as doing a craft that is tough to do without adult help. He reminds me every day of the simple joy of life. Money can't buy that, extra time can't buy that, grown ups don't do that like a child does. To me LB is the spirit of life in our house.

Children are a little piece of heaven and a little piece of hell. Anyone who can parent well deserves a medal for having to deal with that huge continuum between the two.. It really is a life time achievement. It's taking life by the horns and living it. It's a right of passage for some that defines the stage of life they are in. To me it has become the glue of my entire childless family (my boy is it). Especially at this time of year!

I really don't think people need to parent kids. I just think that they should include them in their lives and do their best to be there for kids. It really does create a healthy balance.
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  #200  
Old 12-25-2010, 03:58 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Little buddy (LB) is an absolute joy. He is the one I want to hang out with when my life is hard and I need solace.
I'm right there with you, Sweet Pea is my Little Buddy and when my world falls apart, he's the one I want to hang out with. When I daydream about "getting away" I day dream about taking him to Australia and checking out the interesting things he would find to show me. He's so relaxed, so calm, so patient, so understanding and naturally considerate and loving.

Gotta love those kiddos!
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