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  #171  
Old 12-23-2010, 07:50 AM
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Little buddy (LB) is an absolute joy. He is the one I want to hang out with when my life is hard and I need solace. I went and sat with him tonight as he did some craft project that I didn't understand. I cut something when he asked, held things that were gluing and he fed my soul and made me realize that when life sucks, its important to remember its as simple as doing a craft that is tough to do without adult help. He reminds me every day of the simple joy of life. Money can't buy that, extra time can't buy that, grown ups don't do that like a child does. To me LB is the spirit of life in our house.

Children are a little piece of heaven and a little piece of hell. Anyone who can parent well deserves a medal for having to deal with that huge continuum between the two.. It really is a life time achievement. It's taking life by the horns and living it. It's a right of passage for some that defines the stage of life they are in. To me it has become the glue of my entire childless family (my boy is it). Especially at this time of year!

I really don't think people need to parent kids. I just think that they should include them in their lives and do their best to be there for kids. It really does create a healthy balance.
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  #172  
Old 12-25-2010, 03:58 AM
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Little buddy (LB) is an absolute joy. He is the one I want to hang out with when my life is hard and I need solace.
I'm right there with you, Sweet Pea is my Little Buddy and when my world falls apart, he's the one I want to hang out with. When I daydream about "getting away" I day dream about taking him to Australia and checking out the interesting things he would find to show me. He's so relaxed, so calm, so patient, so understanding and naturally considerate and loving.

Gotta love those kiddos!
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  #173  
Old 12-28-2010, 12:34 AM
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Once kids start school or you watch them with a group of other kids, it isn't hard to tell which ones don't have any siblings (even if they have been in daycare). I think once they are adults, things tend to even out. It really doesn't matter as long as the parents are invested (may mean regular play dates and living in a neighborhood with other young children).
exactly, we are raising an only child. None of our sibs have kids, LB is the only one in an aging family of almost 40 year olds. I make sure he spends a lot of time with other kids at school because of this and bend over back wards to create interesting play dates for him and his friends so he might have one on one time with them. He doesn't like kids coming to the house and prefers his down time over hanging out with other kids, but its all been done before and I am not worried. He is always smiling, self motivated and very popular at school. He is confident and makes sure we know what his preference is and what his needs are. I am very proud of how he is being raised. even more so now that he has an extra grown up buddy that loves him and cares for his well being. Mono is on our will as being his guardian if we both die. Mono get the house and LB gets our money. Mono could have tenants to pay the mortgage and we have really good life insurance. I feel very comfortable with our arrangement and the life we have set up for LB... sorry, a bit off topic.
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  #174  
Old 12-30-2010, 02:50 PM
Christina Christina is offline
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Question Does anyone have a child and is in a poly realionship

we have a 3 month old and it is our first. and not sure how we are going to explain everything. i told them i don't want to be called mommy #2 so he is going to call me auntie c (he does not have any aunts) and i am ok i dont know how we are going to answer all the question he is going to have like why does auntie c sleep with mommy and daddy. and i have a bad feeling that he is going to call me mommy before his mother becuase i stay home and watch him while they are at work so me and him are going to be close
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  #175  
Old 12-30-2010, 06:01 PM
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i dont know how we are going to answer all the question he is going to have like why does auntie c sleep with mommy and daddy.
This question probably won't even come up until the teenage years. Kids could careless where you sleep as long as they feel safe and can climb into bed with you when they are scared.
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  #176  
Old 01-13-2011, 06:01 PM
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I wanted to thank you all for the thoughtful discussion here. My primary and I spend a lot of time talking about what, when, and how to talk to our spawn about other people who are part of our lives. Right now, it's important to me that we keep his expectations in check; he likes to play with my girlfriend, who's here with us several times a week, but her role is definitely that of a family friend. My relationship with her is new(ish), so while I think it's good for our son to interact with her, I also want to be clear with him that, while we love girlfriend (I have got to come up with some nicknames for everyone!) my primary and I are his moms who will always love him and never go away. We try to talk to him about how friends can come into our lives and sometimes go out, and that's ok. We make sure he knows that while some relationships can change or even end, his relationship with us will never stop. I'm somewhat affectionate with girlfriend while my son is around, but it's the kind of affection I could also share with my best friend -- hugs, head on a shoulder kind of things, but not kissing.

Several people talked way back at the beginning of this thread about not wanting to give their children the challenge of being different. I certainly understand that, but since my son has two moms, we're already different. I don't get fussed about it. I do get fussed about secrecy. I don't want to burden him with my secrets. I think that's part of what's motivating me to be more open about polyamory lately. The secrecy thing isn't an issue right now, but I can imagine it becoming one down the road if we aren't completely out.
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  #177  
Old 01-13-2011, 06:49 PM
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I really encourage you read some threads on this. We have talked about names, secrecy, all of it.

My boy is seven and he came into his own name for Mono. I told him after about a year that I love Mono and that he is family to us. I told him that people come and go. My ex wife had a girlfriend that cheated on her and left her high and dry. She came to stay with us for awhile and I went and stayed with her so that she could grieve and be supported. We told our boy that his auntie Wendy was not going to be around any more and that some people come and go. It doesn't mean we don't love them after they are gone, but they need to move on. Sometimes we do to.

Its not really that different than any other relationship dynamic. Its a matter of confidence in what you are creating. You know what that's like if you are lesbians. Kids get that and also feel confident. There is also no rush to *make* it work. Being a good host to others is all it takes; welcoming, respectful, considerate... the rest manifests. If others don't give that back then its time to move on and not involve them in your life I think.

I have written a bit on this in my blog and in a thread about being a good host. I can find it if you want. I wouldn't mind reading it again actually. But I can't right now. I'm on my phone. Again, I would highly suggest doing some reading here. Lots of really good input.
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  #178  
Old 01-13-2011, 06:58 PM
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Thanks for your response, RP.

In looking back at my post, I realized it was ambiguous at the end. When I wrote that I don't want to burden him with my secrets, I meant that I don't want to tell him something and then ask him to keep it a secret. If there's a time when he needs to know that a particular person is more than a friend, then I want everyone to know. I feel pretty strongly about living openly and being a positive example of our values.
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  #179  
Old 01-13-2011, 11:07 PM
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My husband illusion010101 and I have our 14year old daughter living with us. She has been visiting her grandparents for the last several weeks so we have not had the opportunity to sit down and discuss our recent change in situation. Our daughter has always known that I am Bi We have always been very open and honest about sex and she has friends that are gay so I believe she will be understanding. We plan to explain to our daughter that L will be around alot but that she is not expected to think of her as another mom but that we want her to take her time and define what L will be to her. Explaining there will be more love for her,not less, another woman to talk to and spend time with. As my husband and I are new to the poly lifestyle we would appreciate any suggestions or advice you may have to offer us.
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  #180  
Old 01-13-2011, 11:31 PM
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My husband illusion010101 and I have our 14year old daughter living with us. She has been visiting her grandparents for the last several weeks so we have not had the opportunity to sit down and discuss our recent change in situation. Our daughter has always known that I am Bi We have always been very open and honest about sex and she has friends that are gay so I believe she will be understanding. We plan to explain to our daughter that L will be around alot but that she is not expected to think of her as another mom but that we want her to take her time and define what L will be to her. Explaining there will be more love for her,not less, another woman to talk to and spend time with. As my husband and I are new to the poly lifestyle we would appreciate any suggestions or advice you may have to offer us.
I'm curious why you have to qualify that your daughter is not expected to think of this woman she is just meeting as another mom? Why not simply say that she is your g/f, you guys lover her and she will be around alot. Then ask if she has any questions. Don't try and sell her on this person, just let them get to know each other in their own time.
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