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  #11  
Old 10-09-2009, 10:34 PM
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vandalin vandalin is offline
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One of the books out couples counselor has asked us to read is called Passionate Marriage. The author means the book to be for any couple whether legally married or coupled or whatever their case may be and for individuals. This book is about a concept called Differentiation, which is basically what you are showing here Mono. Differentiation is the balancing of individuality and emotional connection or togetherness. People who are able to differentiate are able to change or adjust either side of that equation without "going off the deep end".

You say that you are able to change parts of the togetherness of your relationship to keep the individuality you have and you have already shown how you have changed your individuality to keep the togetherness by being the Mono in a poly relationship.

I commend you for your success so far in this difficult task and wish you luck with it for the future.
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  #12  
Old 10-15-2009, 09:00 AM
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when talk about merried it talking about combining the differences,this is quite difficult job when one of the side,can`t give control to follow other rules and demands
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  #13  
Old 03-27-2010, 06:02 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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During our latest poly meeting I was only half present. The other half was thinking about how different I felt from what the others around me felt.

I spent my time visually trying to explain the concept of reshaping love from one form to another to maintain health. It brought me back to this thread and a chance to further my own understanding of myself for myself. This is not an indication of anything happening so no worries there..just collecting my thoughts

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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
This means that my love for her will be shaped in the closest way possible with only one requirement; that I remain healthy in the manner I express it. Right now we express our love as “lovers”. Passion and sex is our pinnacle of communication in sharing that connection. During those moments we feel complete and the aching that reside inside us both stops. We are both healthy in this. I am healthy in this.

My love is beyond the need to express it in a specific way. I know it could be reshaped in many ways to remain connected. Perhaps friendship, perhaps merely knowing she is in the world. The entity inside me, which is a part of the entity in her, will ensure that this happens. It will take care of keeping me healthy in our connection. It will not allow me to express my love in a way that hurts my phsyci. I trust in this to guide me beyond where my emotional thoughts might leave me if unchecked and ignored….broken, depressed and resentful of her.

If sex and passion can no longer be the healthy way for me to communicate and remain connected than that will change. I accept that and take great comfort in knowing I will get to share in her life still. If sex and passion remain the pinnacle of our expression, that is great as well and is definitely my preferred state of love.

It is the trust in this entity and it’s following of destiny that lets me acknowledge possibilities of change but still move forward within our relationship. I intend to be in her life forever. I would love to express it as we do now. I know I will always express it in a way that is healthy to me.
[IMG][/IMG]

The fact that this picture seems to end in a decrease of intimate love is merely to show an affect
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Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 03-27-2010 at 06:11 AM.
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  #14  
Old 03-27-2010, 05:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
My love is beyond the need to express it in a specific way. I know it could be reshaped in many ways to remain connected. Perhaps friendship, perhaps merely knowing she is in the world.
Thanks for sharing!! To me, you have a great love without the desire to completely possess. It's an amazing state to be in! It's similar to the goal of yoga. Great determination coupled with an ultimate non-attachment. This is not to say that a significant change in the way you relate (a change from sexual lovers to simply two people existing on the same planet with a profound awareness of each other's presence) would not involve great grief, because it would.

It seems to me that a strong conviction and persistent effort of choosing actions, speech and thoughts that lead to stable tranquility combined with letting go of attachments, aversions and fears….balancing these could well be a key for living a life of peace and contentment. And that's what I see you doing even in the midst of life and the struggles that life presents.
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