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  #11  
Old 04-24-2011, 06:49 PM
ndfanann ndfanann is offline
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Yeah my sleeping habits are different but I've told her that she could be sleeping when I got home. It is also the fact of waking up with her next to me. I miss having sex before bed and cuddling before bed and talking like we used to do.
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  #12  
Old 04-24-2011, 08:16 PM
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okay, sorry, you are all women? Well whatever, it doesn't make a difference to the whole thing. You agreed to have a child together and that is as good as being blood as far as I am concerned...
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  #13  
Old 04-25-2011, 12:22 AM
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Hi!
I feel for you, but I agree with RP that just because you were first doesn't oblige your wife to give you preference.

There's a very famous saying: "All's fair in love and war." This really means that everything is so bloody UNFAIR that it makes absolutely no sense to talk about fairness.

Unfortunately, you have (I think) 2 - maybe 3 - disadvantages in this set-up:

a) I guess that the other relationship is newer for your wife than the one with you? (Or living with her is newer?) This would mean that there's a degree of new relationship energy (NRE) working in the other woman's favour. [There is a SHITLOAD of comment/advice/experience on the subject to be read on this board, if you want to use the word search facility.]

b) Trying to put myself in your wife's emotional shoes, I can imagine that (especially at the beginning of a relationship - or the beginning of being allowed to openly live together) I would rather go to bed with somebody with whom I'd spent the evening already (with romance building up over that time) than trod off to an empty (maybe cold at this time of year?) bed all alone to wait for somebody who's going to stumble in later (maybe after I've fallen asleep?)

c) Here I'm guessing even more. What are the practical dynamics of the child-bedding arrangements? This is a 5-month-old baby. Does the baby sleep with Trina? In a room nearer to the gf's than to yours? Trina might be doing any of the following:
i) prefers to sleep as far from the baby as possible. Not so far that she won't hear the crying whenever the child awakes.
ii) prefers to sleep as close to the child as possible, possibly in the same room.
iii) prefers to sleep in the same bed as the child.

In the case of iii), there are further variations:
1) The gf loves the baby, too, and is happy to share the bed.
2) You are tired after your evening shift, maybe want to make love before sleeping, but are less patient with interruptions from the child. (Does Trina breastfeed during the night?)
3) Your sleeping patterns affect the baby.

You write that Trina has said that sometimes she prefers to be with one of you, sometimes with the other. Maybe you should be patient. Maybe your time will come...

I hope it all works out for all of you (especially the baby).
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  #14  
Old 04-25-2011, 05:57 AM
ndfanann ndfanann is offline
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Thanks very much for your response!!! The baby has a room upstairs in their area and the baby has a room in our area as well. He is very comfortable is both spaces. I understand all of those reasons for not wanting to change things; it would be nice for her to tell me the reasons behind her not wanting to. And you are right to the point to wait for my turn to come around and just be patient. I have noticed the past couple of days things are better. Probably because I worked on not reading into things too much and not dwelling on every little thing that may bother me. So I am going to be patient.
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  #15  
Old 04-25-2011, 10:43 AM
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Your last comment made me think of how you could really benefit from reading 'How to make relationships suck?' by Franklin Veaux, to be found on his polyamory-related web page at http://www.xeromag.com/fvpoly.html. It has a lot of advice on projecting and story-telling and I think it should be mandatory reading for anyone embarking on A relationship, be it poly, mono, whatever.

I'm involved with a couple who have a small baby, too! So we have a lot of sex outside of the family bed, and steal little moments during the day for sex and cuddles. The good thing about having three adults around is that one can always mind the kids. And thank goodness, even children need to sleep sometimes!
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  #16  
Old 04-27-2011, 03:07 AM
ndfanann ndfanann is offline
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Thanks for the website. I am going to take a look. Do you know of any websites that has information for groups in my area??
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  #17  
Old 05-01-2011, 06:17 PM
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Hmm, a tough one. Try typing 'polyamory' and your location to the search engine of you choice?
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  #18  
Old 05-01-2011, 08:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ndfanann View Post
Thanks for the website. I am going to take a look. Do you know of any websites that has information for groups in my area??
Where are you?

Try:

Tristan Taormino's Opening Up Resources Local Organizations

Loving More Local Groups and Communities

Polyamory.com Online Poly Resources
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