Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #31  
Old 04-24-2011, 11:09 PM
MrFarFromRight's Avatar
MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Ping-ponging around Europe, trying to get a publishing concern off the ground
Posts: 500
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
Calm down and have a chill-pill. No one is "messing" with you or your multiple personalities. Looks like your imaginary friend is "messing" with NYC from here.
I'm as chilled as you like. I don't get het up about other people choosing to use words like "lifestyle" if they so wish. And you're rather stating the obvious. Of COURSE Mister Pedant Man is messing with NYC! Do you honestly believe that anybody could use an identity like Mister Pedant Man without being tongue in cheek (and poking fun at themselves at the same time)??? I'm laughing about such a storm brewing in such a small teacup.

It's not me that needs chill-pills.
__________________
If I can't dance, I want no part in your Revolution.
- Emma Goldman Anarchist and Polyamorous par excellence
The person who says something is impossible should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- old Chinese proverb
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~ Anais Nin
I'd rather have a broken heart / Than have a heart of stone.
- from "Boundless Love (A Polyamory Song)" by Jimmy Hollis i Dickson
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 04-24-2011, 11:49 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
Custodian
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: new england
Posts: 3,223
Default

So no one can poke fun at you but you?

I'll write that on my list of important things to not forget as soon as i'm through poking fun at you.
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 04-24-2011, 11:52 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 8,321
Default

Mister, while for you, polyamory is a lifestyle, there is no one-size-fits-all polyamorous lifestyle. There just isn't. One person can call their version of polyamory a lifestyle and yet how they practice polyamory could be widely different from how another person practices polyamory. So where is the lifestyle? It would be more appropriate to say you live a lifestyle which includes polyamory, or simply that you have polyamorous relationships in your life. But a lifestyle? What would that "style" of life look like, to be polyamorous, when there are so many ways to do it?
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 04-25-2011 at 12:02 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 04-25-2011, 12:21 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,188
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrFarFromRight View Post
... allows me to talk about my "polyamorous lifestyle". (I believe that this attitude is shared by most sincerely polyamorous people. Hence a possible common "polyamory lifestyle".)
You can speak of your personal lifestyle all you wish and that doesn't make for a "lifestyle" shared by polyfolk. This freedom to choose how many you love is also shared by monofolk--one doesn't have to be granted that as an additional freedom to be poly.

As I said before, I'm waiting to see a description of this supposed "poly lifestyle."

I find the very notion that such exists to be detrimental to polyfolk in general. Those just beginning to wrap their heads around the idea of multiple romances being possible can be led to believe there is some particular way to do things beyond developing the same relationship skills that apply in healthy mono couplings. The notion of there being some "poly lifestyle" that folk adopt serves to reinforce the notion among scornful mono folk that polyamory is something that is the result of a whim and not worthy of respect; such drives prejudice and discrimination, as can be seen by that line of reasoning being used with regard to gay folk.

In this thread I see some "but poly is part of MY lifestyle so it has to be A 'Lifestyle.'" Poly is also part of my lifestyle and I doubt there's much in common between their lives and mine other than we do poly and come to this set of boards. In other words, we share no "lifestyle" and simply do poly as part of our personal lifestyles.
__________________
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 04-25-2011, 12:48 AM
MrFarFromRight's Avatar
MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Ping-ponging around Europe, trying to get a publishing concern off the ground
Posts: 500
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
So no one can poke fun at you but you?

I'll write that on my list of important things to not forget as soon as i'm through poking fun at you.
I encourage people to poke fun at me! I'm a semi-professional clown. Were you poking fun at me? Sorry! I didn't understand that. It seemed to me that you thought I really needed a "chill-pill" and that you were criticising me for "messing" with NYC. Like one of your earlier replies to me ( http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showt...isecond&page=3 ) I guess that I just don't understand your sense of humour. My loss...

[Could you give me a little help here by including s, s, s, or s? ... Or maybe inventing an obviously ridiculous super-hero alter ego?]
__________________
If I can't dance, I want no part in your Revolution.
- Emma Goldman Anarchist and Polyamorous par excellence
The person who says something is impossible should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- old Chinese proverb
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~ Anais Nin
I'd rather have a broken heart / Than have a heart of stone.
- from "Boundless Love (A Polyamory Song)" by Jimmy Hollis i Dickson
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 04-25-2011, 01:11 AM
MrFarFromRight's Avatar
MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Ping-ponging around Europe, trying to get a publishing concern off the ground
Posts: 500
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Mister, while for you, polyamory is a lifestyle, there is no one-size-fits-all polyamorous lifestyle. There just isn't. One person can call their version of polyamory a lifestyle and yet how they practice polyamory could be widely different from how another person practices polyamory. So where is the lifestyle? It would be more appropriate to say you live a lifestyle which includes polyamory, or simply that you have polyamorous relationships in your life. But a lifestyle? What would that "style" of life look like, to be polyamorous, when there are so many ways to do it?
nycindie, while for some people, small-town rural living is a lifestyle, there is no one-size-fits-all small-town rural lifestyle. There just isn't. One person can call their version of small-town rural a lifestyle and yet how they practice small-town rural could be widely different from how another person practices small-town rural. So where is the lifestyle? It would be more appropriate to say you live a lifestyle which includes small-town rural, or simply that you have small-town rural relationships in your life. But a lifestyle? What would that "style" of life look like, to live in a small, rural town, when there are so many ways to do it?

This goes for Autumna Tone, as well, so I don't have to reply to your comment separately. You never answered my question: AFAYAC, WHAT constitutes a life-style?

As I said before, I'm waiting to see a description of this supposed "small-town rural lifestyle."

I find the very notion that such exists to be detrimental to small-town rural folk in general.

AT and NYCI: If the 2 of you don't like the expression "life-style", I suggest that you complain to the publishers of dictionaries.

If you only object to it being used by certain polys to talk about their life choices, I suggest that you both (and others) take a deep breath and calm down. There are some of us who will certainly continue to use it as a shortened version of more round-about descriptions of what we mean.

p.s. I'm also guilty of having used that awful expression "lovestyle"!
__________________
If I can't dance, I want no part in your Revolution.
- Emma Goldman Anarchist and Polyamorous par excellence
The person who says something is impossible should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- old Chinese proverb
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~ Anais Nin
I'd rather have a broken heart / Than have a heart of stone.
- from "Boundless Love (A Polyamory Song)" by Jimmy Hollis i Dickson
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 04-25-2011, 02:07 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 8,321
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrFarFromRight View Post
If you only object to it being used by certain polys to talk about their life choices, I suggest that you both (and others) take a deep breath and calm down.
Last I checked, I am breathing and I am calm.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 04-25-2011, 02:21 AM
MrFarFromRight's Avatar
MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Ping-ponging around Europe, trying to get a publishing concern off the ground
Posts: 500
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Last I checked, I am breathing and I am calm.
NYCI: I'm glad to read it! p.s. Now you've got TWO signature quotes that I really like!
__________________
If I can't dance, I want no part in your Revolution.
- Emma Goldman Anarchist and Polyamorous par excellence
The person who says something is impossible should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- old Chinese proverb
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~ Anais Nin
I'd rather have a broken heart / Than have a heart of stone.
- from "Boundless Love (A Polyamory Song)" by Jimmy Hollis i Dickson
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 04-25-2011, 03:46 AM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,670
Default

I wonder if the term "lifestyle" came out of the swingers turned poly that are in the community; the word I tend to use most often. I use "community I think because communities to me can be made up of many different people and different takes on a similar thing. I am part of the burlesque community also, but we all have a different take on that and come together with the same interest, love for what we do and a love for each other because of it. It makes me feel as if I belong when I say I am in a community of like minded people.

I have noted a few people out there in my life that are not interested in any of it. They don't like to talk about poly at all because of the over use of definitions and descriptions. They claim that they are just dating and everyone knows each other. It has been quite refreshing actually. I totally get it. I still like using the language that has come out of poly as a way of transcending what limited language there is because of our monogamous culture. Yes culture. Don't ask me why, it just works for me. I like the fact that when I speak to people that are poly, they know what I am talking about because of the language that has come out as a necessity.

Really, like anything, we all have our take. I love that we even have space to question such things... personally, not because I want to see it changed, just because its interesting.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 04-25-2011, 05:15 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 8,321
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I still like using the language that has come out of poly as a way of transcending what limited language there is because of our monogamous culture. Yes culture.
The term "monogamous culture" is not incorrect. Western culture has been primarily monogamous, hence a monogamous culture. But a culture is not a lifestyle.

A culture is a collective of individuals who share certain values that connect them, and adhere to those values to be accepted as part of that collective or group. Such values can be language, mode of dress, sexual practices, and so on. We are usually enculturated by others who pass on their values and teach us to accept them in order to fit into the culture. We can leave behind a culture that no longer works for us and adopt a new one, but what makes a culture are the values shared by the group, which are required to belong to that group. And belonging is very important to cultures, whether that culture operates in a larger society, or within the workplace ("corporate culture").

A lifestyle is something we create individually. It simply is a way of living that reflects who we are. It certainly can include elements of the culture in which we belong, or grew up in, but lifestyle is self-determined. That's a huge difference. And why there is no definitive polyamorous lifestyle, as I see it.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
definitions, descriptions, life direction, lifestyle, poly, swinging

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 09:44 PM.