Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs


Closed Thread
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-03-2009, 11:15 PM
BexyandBen's Avatar
BexyandBen BexyandBen is offline
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: St. Louis area
Posts: 34

I (Ben) would advise paying close attention to that "catty spitefulness".

My beautiful bride has often been sensitive to situations to which I was obliviously blind and what I defined as "catty spitefulness" turned out to be "wise intuition".

I just wish I'd listened to her two months ago....
Old 11-04-2009, 01:57 AM
ImaginaryIllusion's Avatar
ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,977

Originally Posted by BexyandBen View Post
what I defined as "catty spitefulness" turned out to be "wise intuition".
Yeah, my wife's performed that little magic trick on occasion too.
“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” - Chinese Proverb

-Imaginary Illusion

How did I get here & Where am I going?
Old 11-25-2009, 12:46 AM
violet violet is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Nevada
Posts: 93

Hello again, everyone!

I don't know if HMA has been posting around here much, but I certainly haven't. lol I figured I'd pop in and let everyone know what's going on.

The entire thing with Anne is certainly done and over with. She's been merrily posting away on her facebook about how happy she is with Mike and such - HMA is more or less over it, I'm not so much. I'm surprised by how much resentment and anger I still have toward her and toward the situation, but it lessens a little more every day. Healing takes time, I guess.

The entire thing with her shook me to the core. Everyday I go back and forth 15 times at least - feeling totally alright and ready for HMA and I, or just one of us, to go start dating, to second guessing that and thinking a V is a better idea, to second guessing THAT and thinking that maybe he should only have FWB, to second guessing even THAT and thinking I want him to be monogamous and never so much as BREATHE near another woman again. lol

As far as it goes for now, I've asked him to - if he finds a girl he's interested in - to please take things VERY slowly with her. I can't handle him being in a serious relationship right now, it's just too soon. I don't mind him seeing other people casually or having a one-night-stand ... I just can't do the emotional thing right now. I'm still healing!

It also really knocked loose some old and set-to-rest insecurities. I don't like who I am right now. It's a struggle for me, and it's straining my relationship with him. I have a LOT of "me" work to do. HMA is helping as much as he can, but a lot of it has to come from within. I'm just sort of tossing myself into wedding planning and work and introspection. He's being very respectful and understanding of the rough patch I landed in, thankfully. We're going to get through this, no problem. It will be work - but we're both committed to it.

Upon being asked by friends, and HMA, where I land on trying an "equal triad" again, I would have to say that I'm thoroughly disenchanted with the entire idea, and have no interest in trying it again despite the thought process that occasionally occurs that indicates differently. I most frequently feel that I'd be the most comfortable in a V situation, where HMA and I's relationship is indisputably primary - and where the other woman and I are friends but uninvolved. She may or may not decide to have other lovers herself, which is fine with me and I'm sure alright with HMA as long as her other partners are informed of the situation. Neither he or I can handle the lying.

I don't think that's much to ask for? Be honest with everyone involved and respect the relationship that HMA and I have? *shrugs* We'll see how it goes as we all move forward.

Lana, if you remember her, our roommate - has been AMAZING through the entire process. She's been there for HMA and I, and also for Anne when she can be. Anne has more or less pushed us all aside though. Ah, well. I know for certain that I will never be capable of being close to Anne again. It's just ... not gonna happen. lol

Hope everyone else is doing well! And another big, heartfelt thank you to everyone who helped me and HMA out with this situation. We wouldn't have been as strong through it, I would have been a FAR bigger wreck than I am now ... you were all so awesome and your support was amazing. Thanks.
"No lover, if he be of good faith, and sincere, will deny he would prefer to see his mistress dead than unfaithful."
-Marquis De Sade

"Variety, multiplicity are the two most powerful vehicles of lust.."
-Marquis De Sade
Old 11-25-2009, 07:20 AM
JonnyAce JonnyAce is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: NY
Posts: 456

thank you for opening up, and keeping us informed. good luck to you during your healing process, and if u need someone to bounce ideas/feelings off of PM's are always welcome
Old 11-25-2009, 05:17 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,187

Originally Posted by HappiestManAlive View Post
Missed a few updates, some were good, some were bad.

Violet and I no longer have a triad.

Anne is a manipulative, lying bitch.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Pour a nice, stiff drink or two.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
Old 11-29-2009, 08:58 PM
Erosa's Avatar
Erosa Erosa is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 138

Oh wow... no offence intended but this is better drama than a soap opera. 0_0

At the same time though, my heart truly goes out to you all. I hope everything heals and flourishes.
With all my heart I will love and not fail,
With all my soul I will fly and not fall.
Old 11-30-2009, 06:29 PM
HappiestManAlive HappiestManAlive is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Vegas, Baby!
Posts: 348

Eh - we're pretty much over it at this point. There's still some residual pai and we miss the good times that were there, but we're doing well with US, and we haven't spoken to Anne since that last night at her place when she pulle the 180 on us. We're fine, thanks for the kind words!
Old 07-08-2010, 09:41 AM
HappiestManAlive HappiestManAlive is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Vegas, Baby!
Posts: 348

I haven't been active on the boards for months, and lots has happened. I posted the following in the "how are you doing" thread - then remembered we had our blog thread, and that the new developments were probably very relevant, lol.

But the time has come, lol. Lots has happened, bnoth relationship wise and otherwise. Things are looking up, big time, and I realized that I missed the support here. I think I'll post a catch-up for anyone who cares to read it.

When things fell apart with our triad, things with Violet and I got rocky and then very, very good as we recovered and spent a lot of time on us. Typical, at least it should be.

In March, I purchased a new home, much excitement. Lana never questioned whether she would relocate with us, and we kept her needs in mind when selecting the home. Just friends indeed, LMAO!

In April, my business partner finished making a series of really poor decisions that more or less finished off our venture. By this time my entire household as well as several other people were employed by our company, so when he suddenly laid everyone - including me - off, it was a serious blow for everyone, a tough one for my freindship with him, and a really, really nasty one for my household! The SAME DAY that this happened, Violet and I were on our way to a meeting with said business partner and our attorneys when we were rear ended by an uninsured motorist. That was a GREAT day, lol.

May was spent mostly recovering from injuries, getting teh car fixed, and living on savings.

June was more of the same, but with more prospects on the horizon. In more ways than one. Towards the end of June, Violet and I were having a relationship talk and out of the blue, she says "you know, when I think about Anne now, the anger is gone. All I can remember are the good times. I think we should consider looking for a serious girlfreind again". This started many talks and the beginnings of some action in that direction.

Be careful what you wish for....

Apparently Lana noticed the change. We have been dying for her to be a "real" member of our relationship forever. She's fun, sweet, caring to a fault, BEAUTIFUL (seriously, it's not even right, lol), and frankly she's so involved in our lives that aside from physicality/sexuality and the really private stuff, she IS part of our relationship. The ongoing joke has been that she's our "girlfriend without benefits" - and we recognize and love her as such. But the title and the other stuff makes a difference, and there's always been a gap that made her "friend", albeit a very close one. ANyway - out of the blue, she drops the bomb that she's been thinking a lot and wants to discuss taking our relationship with her to the next level, to being an "actual" girlfriend. Anyone read the earlier character descriptions? Yeah - well, she decided to tell Violet that she's attracted to her too, and is comfortable with that fact.


But that would just be a happy thing, not a "careful what you wish for" thing.

Enter Adrian.

From nowhere. Literally. We know her literally in passing, she works with Violet and Lana. She and I have had a total of maybe two hours' conversation total, ever. I like her, she's very much "my type" and she's awesome, and Violet and Lana have both taken notice of her. But that was about it.

This girl plops down at a club to talk to me one day last week. Nothing new, we chat from time to time. But this time it's VERY different. Right away the questions are very direct, as is the conversation in general. She knows Violet is open to "sharing", she has listened to the girls talk about me and our relationship, she likes talking to me and gets a good vibe from me, she thinks Violet is an amazing woman and extremely attractive, she's sick and tired of casual encounters and relationships ranging from shallow to terrible. She wants to find her place in a happy relationship with caring people. She doesn't ask me out, but she leaves the door so wide open for me to ask her out that not even clueless me can miss it. So I do.

One week later, today. Things with Violet and I are riding high on the NRE that Adrian has brought to the table, and this girl is AMAZING. Like, custom ordered from Starbucks (Titus fans here?) to be our 3rd. It's insane. She moves even faster than Violet and I in some ways (and that's saying something, trust me) and is very cautious and careful in others - the same ones we are. She doesn't believe in lying - she's almost TOO honest sometimes. Her connection with Violet is scary strong already, and they're carefully moving it forward. The connection between she and I is electric and so obvious that anytime we're all together, Violet and Lana both look at the two of us and just shake their heads and smile. And she is so committed to being happy with us that her enthusiasm for a happy, healthy relationship just changes the way everybody looks at everything.

Lana is still on board. A timetable centered on specific events was set before and is still being adhered to, though she admits it's getting harder with all the happiness flowing around from the Adrian Effect.

And while all this is going on, my new work prospects are looking better thn ever, and other things are coming together as well.

This morning was amazing. Violet and I had stopped by Adrians place last night to check on her, the poor dear has been sick and was staying in. We intended to stay an hour or two. Violet passed out cold within half an hour, lol. Adrian and I stayed up well past dawn having a very deep conversation abou our pasts and whatnot; it was very intense. Violet woke up and joined the conversation. Out of the blue, Adrian instigated a completely unexpected and very intense sexual situation between the three of us. She and I have had sex and have a connection, her and Violet have been cautiously affectionate, but this was very different. Afterwords we went right back to the conversation almost as if it hadn't happened, but with a palpable new connection between all of us. By the time we had to leave, there was no doubt in any of our minds that this is going to be one very intersting and very deeply rooted relationship.

When we got home, Lana was up and around and happy to see us, and seemed to know what had happened without asking. She has been super happy and sweet all day and keeps going on about how watching Adrian and us fall for each other like this and all the happiness that has come from it has made her more excited to be a part of it than ever.

I don't deserve this, but I'm not going to screw it up, lol. I figured we had some positive karma banked up after the last 8 months, but wow!

Just... Wow...

Maybe need to change the title of the thread now, lol. The HMA/Violet/Anne triad that lost Anne and is adding Lana and Adrian so it's no longer a triad thread. Maybe just "HMA/Violet's ongoing poly experience" would be better, though we cartainly hope the recent changes are longer lasting.

Last edited by HappiestManAlive; 07-08-2010 at 09:52 AM.
Old 07-13-2010, 03:46 AM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Squamish, BC
Posts: 790

Thanks for sharing this.

The good and the bad - they all help me to see that its not all good, its not all bad, its life.

Congratulations in your happiness
Some believe in destiny, and some believe in fate
I believe that happiness is something we create

My Journey to Health and Fitness
My Journey as a Widow

Old 07-14-2010, 03:14 AM
HappiestManAlive HappiestManAlive is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Vegas, Baby!
Posts: 348

Thanks - if nobody learns from it or gains anything from the read than posting it was pointless, lol.

Adrian continues to amaze and inspire us all. In the last two days more conversations and bonding has occurred, and this girl is a natural born poly for sure! She has a mindset that embodies everything that polyamory is. She gets it without trying. She tells me/us things she's feeling that make us check to make sure we reallyknow what we're doing - because apparently she understands this relatioship and the wholeconcept better than we do. In 10 days, lol.

Lana and I had a bonding moment yesterday and again today. It's really sweet to talk to her without the "if" factor floating around!

Violet is taking it all in stride, and being her usual amazing self.

My screen name doesn't do this feeling justice.
Closed Thread

conflict, emotional health, emotions, moving fast, moving in, nre, tribe

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 03:49 AM.