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  #11  
Old 04-19-2011, 02:04 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is online now
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We met Maca's girlfriend together the first time.
It was a lunch date.

It was awesome.
Our youngest child was with us-and she and I both were enamored with said lady immediately.

But-it wasn't a "rule".. it was nice though for letting her know that it was all "up and up" and he wasn't just "sneaking around behind his wife's back"..

I think there has to be a little "give and take" depending on circumstances.
But, I thought it was awesome that we could all meet, talk, be friendly, get to know each other a little bit. Give a face to a name so to speak.
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  #12  
Old 04-19-2011, 02:17 AM
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I would definitely want to meet my metamour in person or introduce my partners to a potential partner, but I would consider that to be a step that happens before a first date. The first date would be the first one-on-one outing, more people than that and I wouldn't consider it a date.
With established partners, sure, having some kind of "double date" would be fine, however when it's someone I'm just starting a relationship with I would want to work on our personal relationship. Even if they were dating one of my partners also, I would want these to happen on different occasions.
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  #13  
Old 04-19-2011, 04:00 AM
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Sorry guys. Not much time to respond right this moment. But rest assured, I will tomorrow as time permits.

Please, line up your questions so that I can address them individually.

RP, you mentioned that you felt it was a bit "controlling". It may be to a point. However, my wife and I both do that to each other. It is something we have done for 20 years, so it works for us. It doesn't work for everyone. HOWEVER, LT has full range to do as she pleases. So, if she wants to go on a date with some bloke, and half way through the date, pulls me asside, and say "I feel really good about this guy. Can we have a bit of alone time so I can go shag his brains out?" That's perfectly fine too. I'm fine with it, and I'll hand her a cl condoms, and say "Have a great time baby. See you when you get home. Any idea which hotel you're going to?".

Does it work the other way around? No, not really. I am still a bit uncomfortable meeting women, or even asking them out. LOL Plus, LT would definatly NOT be ok wiht me meeting some woman, then taking her out to a hotel and shagging her rotten. LOL BUT, for US, it works. Not for eveyone. LT gets into being restrained. The sheer THOUGHT of it, turns my stomach and scares the hell out of me. I keep hoping she finds someone she feels comfortable enough to allow to do that to her, as I don't do it enough, or adequatly IMO. (she tells me it's fine, and I do it fine, but I have my doubts LOL) Anyway, give me the questions.
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Old 04-19-2011, 11:02 AM
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Interestingly, when I think about the poly people I've dated (some of them couples, some of them one half of a couple) I realize that many of my first meetings with them were with BOTH of them together. Usually this has been in social situations like parties or poly meets, but a few times it's been on a "date" with both of them. It actually went ok (well, exceptionally well with the couple I'm currently dating).

So... as a perspective from the other side of the fence, I wanted to point out that if the date is casual and respectful, it's actually sort of nice to see how a potential partner interacts with their current partner. As a woman, I find it comforting to see their poly-in-action and would rather weed out those who aren't comfortable with it sooner than later. If I started dating a man and didn't get to meet his wife for weeks, and then found out she wasn't quite comfortable with me, that would really suck. :P
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  #15  
Old 04-19-2011, 11:28 AM
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Yes, Geminigirl, we dated a woman who said the same thing. We all seemed to get along just fine, however, she cited the fact that LT and I do too much together, as the reason to break up with us. I really liked her too. But there were issues from the beginning. She would tell LT one thing, then tell me something opposite. So, after about week two or three, I was on autopilot....Hoping that they would start to see eye to eye....but it never happened. Don't get me wrong, I put in the time, and the effort to get them to see things eye to eye, but....There were some significant differences in our lifestyle vs. hers. In the end, it was best for us to all three break up.

So it's NOT all candy and fun.
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  #16  
Old 04-19-2011, 11:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post
I'd be curious, if TL or LT pop into this thread, is it really a date date? I mean, is there the "usual" first date stuff, like a bit of flirting, that sort of deal? Or is the atmosphere closer to that of three people meeting?
Yes it is a real date! Everyone involved is aware that it is a date. Yes there is a lot of flirting!!!! We find it hot to see our spouse flirt and be flirted on. We have never had an issue with the other person we are meeting. We have been told every time they are happy we wanted to be together for the first date, it takes the pressure of wondering if the person(ie one of us) is cheating. And sometimes the other person involved asks to see us BOTH again and we usually go from there.
I am sure T will get on here later and explain it in more details. I am not as good as he is in explaining and I need to get to school.
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  #17  
Old 04-19-2011, 11:56 AM
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You'll get no argument from me on that, TL4everu2. I've kissed my share of frogs in order to find my princes (and princesses).
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  #18  
Old 04-19-2011, 11:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TL4everu2 View Post
Yes, Geminigirl, we dated a woman who said the same thing. We all seemed to get along just fine, however, she cited the fact that LT and I do too much together, as the reason to break up with us. I really liked her too. But there were issues from the beginning. She would tell LT one thing, then tell me something opposite. So, after about week two or three, I was on autopilot....Hoping that they would start to see eye to eye....but it never happened. Don't get me wrong, I put in the time, and the effort to get them to see things eye to eye, but....There were some significant differences in our lifestyle vs. hers. In the end, it was best for us to all three break up.

So it's NOT all candy and fun.
She would pit us against each other is more like it. She tried changing us a family, ie what we ate and how we parented. We was never going to see eye to eye when she tried to change a family that was not broken. She never understood that.
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  #19  
Old 04-20-2011, 02:25 AM
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I can see how this might work if you have been doing poly for awhile and date within the community. I think where I am stumped on it working is if you are participating on a partners date out of fear (jealousy) and with someone that doesn't know the first thing about poly, or very little.
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  #20  
Old 04-20-2011, 02:40 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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I understand that some folks like the way it works. I still wouldn't do it. The short meeting with a chat is fine. Were I to be asked on a date with somebody along whom I'm not interested in dating, I'd pass on that and likely on anything further. That doesn't work for me.
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