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Old 04-17-2011, 10:52 AM
SunsetDancer's Avatar
SunsetDancer SunsetDancer is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Southern California
Posts: 2
Default Hi there!

Hi folks!

I'm Mell and I'm 28. My husband is 33. We're both kinda nerdy. Okay, we're both really nerdy.

I think I've always leaned towards a poly lifestyle of some sort my entire romantic life and either didn't know, didn't know how to deal with it, or didn't think it was okay.

I'm bi and my husband is straight but very open-minded. We're kind of new to this. And by kind of I really mean that we've been together for 4 years, discussing open and poly relationships for 3 years, experimenting for about 2 (testing boundaries etc), but only really starting to practice the past year. Also, we just got married October of 2010!

At first I thought I could only be comfortable with a relationship that was open just sexually (not swinging though, that's something I'm not comfortable with really) but the past year or so I've really seen the benefit of a poly relationship (though husband will always be my primary partner and is the only one I can see having children with).

Even the casual sex we've had with others in the past isn't truly casual. My attraction to someone centers too much on personality and emotions for that to be possible. At the very least we've always had encounters with good friends who we connect with emotionally as well as sexually. I'm definitely more sexual and more emotional than he is. Right now we don't really have any restrictions other than we must talk to each other about what we're feeling, who we are going to see, who we have had sex with, and we must always practice safe sex. We do also have an understanding that if either of us feels insecure we can temporarily reinstate being monogomous so that we can sort out our feelings. But so far that hasn't been an issue. In fact I think we've realized by having that as a possibility how counterproductive monogamy can be to our relationship.

A few of our friends know but that's it. So far we haven't had any negative feedback. His parents are swingers and fairly open about it (though at this point in their lives and in their current situation they're kind of in a poly relationship with another couple) so I can see telling them. But, really I'm not about to broadcast my relationship(s) to everyone until we have someone more significant in our lives and feel it's necessary.

So, right now we're pretty much just feeling out where we are exactly and waiting to see what lies ahead for us.

Looking forward to learning something from these forums and maybe even contributing something to them too

**Edit: Forgot to mention... we are involved in the SCA. We're currently in a group that is poly friendly and there are a couple of other poly and open couples of various sorts in our camp household. And while I think the people we camp with are great I've seen a lot of poly and open relationships in the SCA crash and burn. I'm sure if it's the type of person the SCA attracts, the type of relationship, or both. So that's something that's made me conflicted on the subject most recently and part of why we moved so slowly into it.
"One's eyes cannot look upon the commonest of natural productions without finding food for a rambling fancy."
-Jane Austen

Last edited by SunsetDancer; 04-17-2011 at 11:06 AM. Reason: additional info
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Old 04-17-2011, 10:17 PM
WaywardDruid's Avatar
WaywardDruid WaywardDruid is offline
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Central California
Posts: 275
Lightbulb Hello

Hi and welcome to the forums.

Just Me,
Round & round the circle goes.
We seek the ones who will share in love.
In our dreams the answers come.
Round & round the circle goes.
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