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Old 04-16-2011, 07:58 PM
kkp kkp is offline
New Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 1
Default Glad to finally be here!

I'm excited to engage with you guys and look forward to sharing and receiving!

A brief introduction:

My wife and I have been married for 9 years. We’ve known each other since grade school but never dated or anything until we met up again in our early twenties. We were both very devout christian for the first 6 years of our marriage but after our 2nd child was born we reevaluated our entire belief system and made some very drastic changes. We’ve been absolute best friends for the duration of our marriage and genuinely want the best for each other in life.

One of our drastic changes was going from the Christian ideology of “owning” one another in marriage and being bound for better and for worse til death do us part. We made the decision that we simply wanted to do life with one another and we greatly valued each other’s companionship and support. Instead of chains we wanted to learn to give each other wings and the freedom to be the fullness of whoever they may truly be, in and out of the marriage.

(Trying to be brief and move on in the story and not stop at each checkpoint to give my 2 cents, hahaha believe me I want too!)

So about 3 years ago we started drinking for the first time for the both of us, we “let our hair down” and started to loosen up on life. We began to party and enjoy all the wretchedly evil things that we were never allowed to do previously! Glad we waited until later on in life to do that though, it offered us the opportunity to build a very strong foundation of trust and communication. We decided to allow ourselves to flirt around a bit and eventually ended up attending swinger friendly parties and were really shocked to see that our presumptions were wrong about “those kind of people”. We’ve had the most fun in these groups just because of their personalities and attitudes towards life, even when we never hooked up with anybody else. The majority of people we met were very fun, committed to their spouse and able to communicate well.

Everything went very well during that experience and we slowly faded out of the scene and took a break. Just recently we found ourselves caught up in a poly situation with a new friend I made at the beginning of the year. It pretty much caught us all off guard but my wife had a really bad year last year and this guy was a nice breath of fresh air for her and filled in some gaps in her life. None of us were looking for anything, we never really thought about a genuine poly relationship mostly just heavy flirting with other people and some good partying. As this relationship started to develop we all read the Ethical Slut book. He’s a single guy and has never been married, very nice and he and I have become best friends over the course of 5 months. He and my wife started developing their relationship a little over a month ago.

So far things have gone very well. I would attribute it mainly to the fact that my wife and I are very communicative and have a strong base. The 3rd guy is very kind, giving and patient as well and we all 3 get along very well together as a triad and individually.

As their relationship has grown I’ve started to realize the importance of the “being able to be alone” part of the requirements of being in a poly relationship. It’s not at all easy, but it is rewarding in just as many ways as it is hard and complex. It’s very interesting to live life in this spectrum and I’m learning a lot about love, marriage, life, friendship, myself, etc etc. I’m anxious to chat it up with some folks and share my experiences, pros and cons and hopefully get some good advice as we navigate these tricky waters of love.

It’s funny, love is complicated regardless of the configuration.
I figured I’d throw out a Reader’s Digest version of my story before I dive in....hope to write again soon!!

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Old 04-18-2011, 11:42 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,187

Welcome aboard.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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