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Old 10-01-2009, 01:25 AM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: new england
Posts: 3,217

Geez, I idn't read past the word "tequila" but I'm with you.

Red Red Wine...

ETA: Top Top Chef...
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Old 10-01-2009, 02:43 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

I'm glad I could help. Sorry it doesn't seem to be useful for your marriage.
Might I suggest with your heart broken in pieces that it might be helpful for you to go see one anyway to help you work on healing before getting in another relationship?

Good luck!
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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Old 10-01-2009, 03:10 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,188

Keep those counselors' info--not for couple's work, just for you. At this point, I think counseling would help you a great deal.

The first thing on the agenda is to find a good divorce lawyer and get the paperwork begun--and sue for physical custody of the children. Then look to finding a place to move to. If finances are a problem, check with local charities and social services agencies to find out if you can get assistance while moving and getting resettled.

Hang in there, man! I've been through a couple of divorces and can attest that it will get better. I ended up homeless with an infant during the first--and things did get better.
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Old 10-01-2009, 04:46 AM
Tajel Tajel is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5
Default well any way

getting a counselor for me seems to be a good idea. i would get a good divorce lawyer but the only thing i want is my new imac and my books and my comic books and clothes. she can have everything else.

it's really weird now that it'sall out in the open i'm not even mad anymore. even if we don't have the same relationship we still have a very good... "friendship?" i don't make enough for her to get alimony, and we'll have joint custody cause she likes to go out and travel.

it just a sad calm kinda ending not like a big blow up any more. but i'm definitely not looking to start any relationships. (that'll be funny cause of my first post) just hoping i get some time to myself to think my life out again. it sad cause if she would just give me safe place, i would definitely be able to work through everything else with her. But, alas. methinks i hope too much.

no more tequila for awhile either, that dunk thing was fun while it lasted but i was kinda, too goofy off'a tha juice. any body know anyone in the philadelphia area who likes to cuddle poor broken men? LOL.

well, see you guys tommorow.
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Old 10-01-2009, 05:17 AM
live4themusic live4themusic is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 13

These were my thoughts from just now reading your first post on this thread and they haven't changed since your followups:

First of all, I would be OUT OF THERE from the beginning. What I mean is, you have to understand that this relationship is over.

This is probably as good a place as any to get good relationship advice (because as I've come to learn the people here are VERY insightful -- seriously, understanding how to work poly relationships must involve attaining a relationship counseling degree of sorts) but I don't think there's any polyamory happening in your (ex)relationship, and would be just as well floated at a conventional relationship message board. I understand she said some words about polyamory at the beginning, but THE WAY SHE ACTED WAS SELFISH and NOT in line with a polyamorous relationship. You WERE swingers. I don't think either of you seem to be polyamorous-natured. Not saying you shouldn't consider it, if once you have worked all this out you feel it does resonate with you, and you don't have too tainted an opinion of it as a result of your wife's abuse of the term.

I'll echo what above posters have said. HONESTY is the MOST important thing in making ANY relationship work I actually believe it's important in all aspects of life, people are just too dishonest with each other in general. I believe lying to your friends or people you love is wrong (I lie to my parents about some things, but that is my only exception and that sounds terrible but there are certain lifestyle decisions of mine that I know they are vehemently opposed to).

From what you said, that she would spend the night with "that fucker" and not have sex with you, she wasn't meeting your needs. You should have known right then that you would have to leave her. I think she was TRYING to get you to leave her so she wouldn't feel like the bad one, like YOU were the one who just wasn't understanding.

I AM of the mind that you weren't understanding, because you actually thought you could make the broken relationship work when she was making no effort to fix it.

I'm sorry if I'm offending you in my tone or message, I just want you to really see how terribly you were being treated and how pointless it is to try to remain in a relationship with someone acting as selfishly as she was.

You don't deserve that. No one does.

From your first or second post, there was one thing that stood out to me as a reason why MAYBE, POSSIBLY you were still trying to make it work after your treatment: your two kids. I would think if she had been honest from you from the beginning, a marriage of convenience might have been workable, where the two of you stay together on paper and maybe live in the same house part of the time to raise the kids. But as a result of her dishonesty and unreliability, I really think the best thing is for you to get out of there and fight for the kids if you want the best for them, because I don't know the situation, but I don't think your wife will be trustworthy.

I wish you the best of luck.
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Old 10-05-2009, 07:49 PM
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Rarechild Rarechild is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: SW Michigan
Posts: 600
Default Belated hello


What I want to say to you has been said well by others. I have one thing to add that is just a thought that has brought me through darkness- it is impossible to waste time.

Find a way to turn your negative experience into a loving victory directed inward. These catalysts in life are the harbingers of glorious change, if you hang in there and don't give up.
"Rocks will open and make a way for the lover."
~Hazrat Inayat Khan

I love Catfish and Charlie.
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Old 12-25-2009, 09:49 AM
Tajel Tajel is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5

Hey guys it's been a minute . Phew!!! just wanted to let you guys know, the relationship is over. My wife had been having problems in our relationship for about a year before i left in august. she just didn't talk to me like a normal human would.

your advice has helped me out in so many ways. and i'd like to thank you one and all for creating a safe place for people to share their ideas and feelings. so thank you

this relationship has made me see things in a new light. i don't want love to be a thick cable holding me down. i want it to be a tether to the things we hold dear. and the interweavings of our networks to be creative masterpieces.

i don't want to hold anyone back from what their heart tells them and i don't want to be held back either. i want someplace where i'm welcome and they're welcome and there is no need for control games and secrecy acts. this relationship has put me off of the "normal" relationships.

time to think outside the box
hope to hear from you soon
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Old 12-26-2009, 08:58 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,467

Tajel, while I am sad that you had to go through all that I am glad that you feel that things are moving towards some resolution where you can feel that you can move on with your life.

I wish you luck.

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
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