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  #41  
Old 05-28-2011, 05:19 PM
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Yays all around!

Just to be clear; you and Nurse have had sex off/scene, right?
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  #42  
Old 05-29-2011, 12:21 AM
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Weelll, actually, I am, in fact, a virgin. *Gasp, I know. Well, I guess that depends on how you define sex. Well, I haven't done much and I haven't had intercourse. The Nurse is aware of this and I had told him a few weeks ago that I wasn't really wanting to do sexual things in play or elsewhere. He and I have been spending a lot of 'normal' time together and the other morning when he left for work, he kissed me. (gasp again!) So, it is a bit unclear to me exactly where this is going since not an awful lot has happened. There's really great energy between us and I'm hoping that it's developing into more but I won't really know until we have a conversation about it.
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  #43  
Old 05-29-2011, 12:47 AM
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So, when you were talking about participating in "scenes," you weren't referring to acting school?

(That's a joke.)

I figured out you're talking about BDSM. The whole thing about scenes totally confuses me, and now especially that you do this and you're a virgin. I just don't understand any of that. May I ask how old you are? I thought I understood the relationship part, when you talked about O., but now I'm wondering if any input I gave you was useful at all, since I don't relate at all to the idea of going to a dungeon, performing BDSM in groups in front of people you don't know, nor being in relationships without sex. If I ever offer you an opinion that's totally off-base, please let me know!
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  #44  
Old 05-29-2011, 09:19 AM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ray View Post
Weelll, actually, I am, in fact, a virgin.
Drat, I used to know that. Anyways, I think the fact that you are spending so much time off/scene is a good indicator that there is potential for something really great happening.

Is Nurse poly?
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  #45  
Old 05-30-2011, 12:39 AM
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@ Indie LOL, I used to be a theatre major

But really, I appreciate your input. You have so many great things to say that apply to relationships of all varieties. One things that I like about BDSM right now is that I can participate in scenes and not have sex. It's a great way for me to explore my sexuality without having to jump into something I'm not ready for. I've struggled for a long time to be comfortable with being sexual. For the first time in my life I'm beginning to feel comfortable in that role. I intend to keep exploring it both in kink and relationship-wise. I'm not really looking for a 24/7 Master/slave dynamic. I enjoy play and some power exchange but with moderation.

@ BU

Yes, Nurse is poly. I hope it is too. It's beginning to seem more like that.

I feel like I need to have an essay on hand entitled "Why I am STILL a Virgin" lol

I'm 22 and O, my previous relationship was my first one. His wife didn't approve of us having sex except in the context of a threesome with her. Only she didn't really want to have a threesome, (go figure?) and I didn't want my first time to be in a threesome. So, that never quite worked out. I also have a large amount of psychological issues regarding sex. And, as if that weren't enough, I have an abnormally thick hymen so until I finish the dilating process or have surgery, I can't have PIV sex anyway. So there's a lot going on.
That being said, I'd really like to try it and I'm hoping that if things with the Nurse go well, that could be a possibility.

So I suppose I am trying to say that I am not asexual, I'm just a very late bloomer.
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  #46  
Old 05-30-2011, 06:44 AM
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Oh, honey, 22 is not very late. You take your time and do it when it feels right. If you feel that BDsm scenes are helping you come to terms with sex and sexuality, I think that's great. I certainly made some idiot moves when I was your age, trying my sexuality on for size. Oy! I do find a lot of the BDsm world disturbing, but some of it appeals to me. I think if you can pick and choose what aspects appeal to you and set boundaries that make sure you are safe, it's good. I would only caution you to make sure the people you play with are trustworthy and not assholes about it. My next question is possibly the weirdest sentence I've ever written on a message board: I am curious about your hymen. <giggle> Have you never used tampons? Or is it so thick you can't insert one?

Sorry about such a personal question, but you just piqued my curiosity when you mentioned it!
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Last edited by nycindie; 05-30-2011 at 06:46 AM.
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  #47  
Old 05-30-2011, 07:58 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ray View Post
I'm not really looking for a 24/7 Master/slave dynamic. I enjoy play and some power exchange but with moderation.

I'm starting to suspect that TPE isn't actually even very compatible with poly - the two relationship ideologies just seem fundamentally at odds to me. Maybe some form of poly-fi would work, but again, I have an outsider's view on the matter - I would fit the audience of the book 'When someone you love is kinky' .

I'm sorry to hear your first relationship experience was so shitty! But to paraphrase a recent campaign, 'It gets better'.

I had my first relationship/first intercourse at 20, going on 21, because I just never found anyone it would have felt 'right' with before. And look at how I have sluttified! Since starting on poly, the amount of my sexual partners has increased by 300 % .
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  #48  
Old 05-31-2011, 02:57 AM
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@ BU

Yeah, I agree somewhat. Perhaps there are some who make it work but I think it does pose problems given the intensity of a M/s dynamic. In addition, I think, for me, it would be pretty stressful. I'm not a big fan of 24/7 anything. But I suppose if real life is taken into account and woven well into the protocols.... General kink lends itself exceedingly well to poly. I've encountered many in the kink community that seem to be at least poly friendly, if not poly themselves to some degree. And like poly, there are so many ways to be kinky and a rainbow of ways a relationship can be built. I like the variety and flexibility.

Yes, I think it is starting to get better. I, too, am in my sluttification process. lol I've been rather enjoying it lately.

@ Indie


TMI WARNING


Hehe, it's ok to ask. I think I did chuckle a bit when I read it though. So I do use tampons although I had to start with the supermini ones and for a long time it was pretty painful to use them. Over the years, I managed to graduate to some larger objects... I still am not quite at the point where I could fit a normal penis. I'm getting closer though. It's about as thick as the webbing between a normal person's thumb and pointer finger. So penetration with movement can be uncomfortable/excruciating. I'm beginning to wonder if I should just have it removed. I'd like to try and progress without the surgery but I may end up needing it.

I think a lot of us in the BDSM world sometimes struggle with finding what we do disturbing. I know I felt like a gigantic freak for years. The kinky community does some crazy stuff! The thing to keep in mind is that those involved, 95% of the time, are absolutely ecstatic to be doing so. I will encounter fetishes that I might find gross or scary and I try to remember that. It usually helps me. I've been pretty lucky to come across a quality group of people who are really respectful in play and very friendly. People have been helpful in letting me know who's good to play with and who to be careful of.
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  #49  
Old 06-06-2011, 04:06 PM
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Wow, what a weekend! It felt so good to get a full nights sleep last night! I think I finally feel human again. I had a munch/bonfire/party on Friday night. On Saturday the Nurse, I and two of our friends went on a little outing downtown. Later that evening there was yet another bonfire/party. Then, bright and early Sunday morning, we all got up to march in the Pride Parade.

It was a gorgeous day and there were a ton of entries in the parade. I'd never been in one/watched it or anything before. It felt really good to just be out there. There's been so much lying and hiding in the last year and I loved being open. I also love that I have the freedom to do that in my life without losing my job and what not. In addition, my family lives really far away, so I don't worry too much about it filtering back to them. I saw a few people I knew but no one that couldn't know about me being kinky/otherwise alternative. Me and three other girls were handcuffed together and we had fun dragging each other around/clotheslining people and otherwise trapping them. The crowd seemed to enjoy watching our antics. Afterwards we all hung out. Lots of napping, eating and drinking. I think I was pretty beat for most of the weekend due to lack of sleep.

I realized that I really missed doing art. I feel like I need to get back into things. I have a few projects in mind. And I have a good deal of free time on my hands given that it's summer. I finally found a decent job as well. I'll be working on campus at my university teaching people how to use computers. I also get free textbooks! How awesome is that... I've been trying to find a stable job for awhile so I was so happy to finally get an offer. The people I'll be working with seem pretty chill, as well.

I also became an aunt again this weekend! I have a brand new nephew, born very healthy.

On Thursday night, I had a huge fit on insecurity and freaked out about stuff with the Nurse. I spent the evening confused and hysterical. I felt like maybe I was silly to like him as more than a play partner and that he couldn't possibly be interested in me given how wrapped up he seems to be with things with his ex. I had this horrible feeling like maybe I was setting myself up for another broken heart. He had written a blog entry about some stuff and even though it didn't say anything bad...my brain went ahead and interpreted it in the worst possible light. So then I was pretty upset and feeling like I wanted to distance myself from him. When I saw him on Friday, he asked me what was wrong and I'm not sure I explained it very well but we decided that we should sit down and just make sure we're both on the same page. Unfortunately, we didn't get a chance to talk this weekend and I must admit I feel a bit frustrated about that. Mainly because I'm impatient and anxious and I don't want to have to be on edge about all of this for a long time. We're probably on the same page, I'm probably just making a big deal out of this because I feel insecure. Sometimes I feel like such a crackpot. I just want to protect myself from getting into something that isn't healthy. I don't know if I could handle getting my heart crushed right now.
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  #50  
Old 06-06-2011, 04:13 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ray View Post
Sometimes I feel like such a crackpot. I just want to protect myself from getting into something that isn't healthy. I don't know if I could handle getting my heart crushed right now.
Ensuring you are protected and the relationship is healthy means you aren't a crackpot. Thats a good way to do it. What if you get involved and the relationship is a mess.. be true to yourself before you can be true to others...

for the record.. heart break is always survivable, no matter how difficult..
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