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  #61  
Old 04-25-2011, 06:13 PM
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I try. I'm glad he was helpful to talk to.
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  #62  
Old 04-26-2011, 05:35 PM
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Default Weather AND EVERY DAY EVENTS

OKAY WHY CAN WE NOT HAVE A PROPER SPRING?!!! WE GO FROM SNOW TO 90 DEGREES!

ON OTHER EVENTS:

FINALS WEEK, SO LOTS OF STUDYING ALL WEEK. I WILL BE GLAD WHEN IT THIS SEMESTER IS OVER!

DIVA DAUGHTER HAS HER SPRING MUSICAL OPENING NIGHT THIS WEEK! SO EXCITED FOR HER!!!

THE PENS LOST LAST NIGHT SO NOW WE HAVE A GAME 7 NAIL BITER TO ENDURE!aaaargh!

LOTS OF ISSUES WITH FINANCIAL AID FOR THE ELDEST TWO GOING OFF TO UNIVERSITY NEXT FALL! NOTHING IS EVER SMOOTH, BUT WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS HICCUP!

MIDDLE DAUGHTER HAS SAVED EVERYONE OF HER PAYCHECKS THIS YEAR FOR A TRIP SHE WANTS TO TAKEE AND I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE HOW DETERMINED SHE IS. SO PROUD OF HER. ONE OF THE GUY'S AT WORK ASKED WHO WAS IN OUR CAR THE ONE NIGHT AND HE SAID SHE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE ME, SAME MANNERISMS ETC. I GUESS I SEE SOME OF THAT BUT SHE IS ABOUT 6FT TALL WITH THIS LONG, BOUNCY STRAIGHT HAIR THAT I WOULD KILL FOR...I GOT THESE CRAZY CURLS EVERYWHERE!

ELDEST ONE- THE BOY IS TAKING HIS DRIVING TEST! ugh!
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  #63  
Old 04-26-2011, 06:18 PM
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Why are you yelling at me?? *cries*
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  #64  
Old 04-26-2011, 09:55 PM
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Lol! I decided to live out loud today!
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  #65  
Old 04-27-2011, 07:39 AM
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Default blogs and honesty

Not going to say tooo much, because well it is just time to shut up for the most part.

I will say that yes everyone has a right to write whatever they like, and no one should control or "thought patrol"; however, blogs are written to be read. IF they are read, they can be opined upon and comments left and discussed AND disagreements in those discussions may erupt- this is especially a fair practice by people involved in the real life of said blogger. Afterall blogging is a form of communicating- why shouldn't there be communication here? So, with that being said, I will just add that sometimes a little dramatic flair is used to punctuate a particular emotion of the day. Alot of times that is just flair and not real. So vent away, send up those flairs, do what ya gotta do. I will read away because you will always be in my life. I will write away because well I have a life too. And I hope it all works out in the end as it should- in an honest and open way.

Be happy bloggers.
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  #66  
Old 04-27-2011, 06:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Morningglory629 View Post
. . . however, blogs are written to be read. IF they are read, they can be opined upon and comments left and discussed AND disagreements in those discussions may erupt- this is especially a fair practice by people involved in the real life of said blogger. Afterall blogging is a form of communicating- why shouldn't there be communication here?
Within the guidelines of this forum, that is. The blogs here aren't like other blogs out there on the internet, where you don't have to be a member here to have one.

From the forum guidelines:
Quote:
Originally Posted by AutumnalTone View Post
•Respect the Blogs

The "Life Stories & Blogs" board exists for members to chronicle their journeys. It's a place for personal narratives about relationships. While discussion of what's posted is expected, those threads are not a place for open debate--they are personal chronicles. If you read something there that you just have to debate, start a discussion about that topic on the General board. If you try to argue on somebody's personal story thread, the post can be removed at the request of the member who started the thread.
So, yeah, blogs in general are meant to be read, but since the blogs here are for the membership of polyamory.com, it makes it a little different. And when a number of people are involved in poly relationships and all of them are blogging here, and have differing views as humans do, sometimes a little more sensitivity and grace is in order, to let each of them have their space to say what they need to say without recrimination. If each person can read the other's blog and absorb the information without using it against anyone, great. The blog is an excellent tool in many ways, but if it isn't working for someone within this environment, several members have also established blogs outside of polyamory.com (Wordpress, etc.) where they have more freedom.

In the short time I've been coming here (last November, I think?), I've seen several poly peeps here state that they won't read the blog of someone else they are involved with, or asked that the other people not comment, and so on. These agreements can be made within the relationships, of course, and sometimes just for a "cooling off" period.

I think this community adds an element to having a blog here that sometimes requires the same respectfulness about boundaries that poly relationships do. I admit, there have been times I posted to a blog thread not realizing it was a blog because I got there from clicking on "New Posts," and didn't see it. But the blogs have been given a little bit more sanctity here than other types of threads. Even I've been asked not to post on someone's blog and I have to respect that, although I felt my words were being misunderstood. And there are members here whose posts I have to block because I can't read them without getting annoyed, so they're on my "ignore" list. Better for me to not get sucked into certain dramas. It's not a free-for-all here, LOL, and we all need to protect ourselves in different ways.
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Last edited by nycindie; 04-27-2011 at 07:17 PM.
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  #67  
Old 04-27-2011, 09:34 PM
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nycindie- I agree that alot of grace is needed when blogging here. And as I said the people involved with eachother who blog and want feedback benefit from this vehicle of communication- because sometimes the written word is easier for some rather than face to face conversation/debate. The thing is when I or anyone read a blog and comment to the blogger in a personal conversation (outside of this space) I don't think it is thought control. And remember comments outside of this site aren't necessarily written here verbatim and often taken out of context and even misunderstood, so there is not always an accurate picture. There is one person and his/her thoughts- not necessarily scientific truths but rather emotional thoughts. And though it may not be necessary to respond on a blog to continue an argument or worse try to WIN an argument, talking about those feelings with a loved one outside of here -no matter how it sounds is better than not talking about the feelings; and is entirely reasonable and not recriminating. Now I think that is probably enough on the subject. Right?

Last edited by Morningglory629; 04-28-2011 at 03:44 AM.
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  #68  
Old 04-28-2011, 01:21 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Not going to debate,

but I am going to add a "personal tidbit" to be considered by the "group at home" for consideration.


WHEN all hell breaks loose-it is QUITE common for counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, mediator, medical Dr's etc to advise that the people involved

STOP TALKING ABOUT ANY ISSUES BETWEEN THEM
unless they are talking DIRECTLY with the counselor/psychologist/psychiatrist/mediator/dr present to control the conversation and guide it appropriately.


The reason for that is because the people involved in the "hell that broke loose" are participants of CREATING the hell with their actions/words/mannerisms/assumptions etc.

THEREFORE-Maca and I agreed that we would not discuss any of the issues between us (what a week ago everyone?) until we are with a counselor.. PERIOD. Any issue.

Why? Because the conflict is going to destroy our family and most especially our children. It's not WHAT we are conflicting about (nor is it WHAT you all are conflicting about) that is most damaging-its THE CONFLICT.

When we try to talk about the issues on our own-we end up fighting. OBVIOUSLY that's the case between 2rings and KT as well. The obvious answer is SHUT THE FUCK UP.

As they said to us:

Quote:
This back and forth needs to stop. Someone (both actually) needs to realize the destructive cycle you both have created and put the emergency brakes on. Stop everything immediately. Separate. Deal with your own stuff seperatley. Scream, curse, blame, cry, get all the crazy out (alone) so you can breathe and see clearly, and understand yourself and where you are at and contemplate where the other person is at emotionally. It will help with communicating. It will let you control the beast that both of you have right now inside of you.

Both of you stop focusing on what the other person has done or is doing. Stop adding "But you" at the end of every sentence. "but you" nullifies all healing, all accountability, all heartfelt meaning to your words. It's time to accept accountabilit without expectation of reciprocation.

Stop comparing dirty deeds. It's like comparing knife wounds. Each wound is different. Each person's skin is different. What cuts one deep may cut us less and vice versa. It's pointless. Has it gotten either of you anywhere, but deeper into this black hole of misery?
LR, let go of Maca and focus on yourself. Stop analyzing him. Stop agreeing to plans. Stop making plans for improvement until the both of you gain control. We don't get to say when he will stop hurting over what has taken place. He doesn't get to say when he stops hurting either. If he did he wouldn't still be going through this because he has said he's made peace before. Haven't you gone through that before, LR? I know I have. Wanted to move forward so bad. Felt I could will myself into letting it go. Felt I was honestly in a place of peace... Then the pain would infect me again. Something would trigger it and I was in an emotional spiral I couldn't control and taking down the people I loved with me. God I hated myself for it, but I am only human and I had to accept I couldn't just make myself stop hurting. Sometimes it takes time... Like YEARS. Accepting that I had to be patient with myself and not force it.. That's when the progress really started.

He needs time away from everyone so he can release these emotions without hurting everyone. Stop making date nights. Stop making scheduled talks. Make an agreement that each of you will request communication and/or time together, but there will be no obligation for the other person to accept and the one requesting cannot get angry over the other not being in an emotional state to do so. Make an agreement that there will be no more adding to the destruction and if either of you has to make a quick exit (in communication or pressence) to prevent that, the other will be understanding and know it comes from a place of whating to improve not make worse.

This helped me get through alot of overwhelming emotions. This has helped me see that I can overcome what has happened when I thought there was no saving this.

I read where you said Maca needed you to not "always" talk about issues. Through the worst of my relationship (complete and utter destruction) there were moments where I basically said, "please, I need it all to stop and go away. Just for this moment. I need to be held. I need to talk about anything else. I need to hear your heart beat. I need to feel your wamth. I need to feel something with you that isn't pain or anger or fear." It was a moment of vunerability. It was sooooo very healing. Then... It was back to working on everything. Picking through the rubble.

I feel like I'm rambling... Just the both of you... Stop blaming. Stop seeing what the other is doing as how it effects you. Try to see the emotional turmoil of the other that is creating this mess. See the others pain and understand it. Give space and heal your own.

It's JUST as fitting for the group of you as it has been for Maca and I.
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  #69  
Old 04-28-2011, 03:33 AM
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Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
STOP TALKING ABOUT ANY ISSUES BETWEEN THEM
unless they are talking DIRECTLY with the counselor/psychologist/psychiatrist/mediator/dr present to control the conversation and guide it appropriately.


The reason for that is because the people involved in the "hell that broke loose" are participants of CREATING the hell with their actions/words/mannerisms/assumptions etc.


When we try to talk about the issues on our own-we end up fighting. OBVIOUSLY that's the case between 2rings and KT as well. The obvious answer is SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Exactly!!! See post #65
Quote:
Not going to say tooo much, because well it is just time to shut up for the most part.
This is also something 2Rings has been saying for about 6 months! Hope it works! Shutting up a bit now!

Last edited by Morningglory629; 04-28-2011 at 03:46 AM.
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  #70  
Old 04-29-2011, 01:56 AM
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Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
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Default GOOD MORNING POLYWORLD! Well it is actually good evening here!

Woohoo finals are done!!!! Summer vacation is here...sort of! Classes are over for a bit. Unless I decide to take another class sometime in July.

Read a few articles today along the lines of happiness and a concept alot of people on here talk about: radical acceptance. In this blurb I liked the line:
"all it takes to turn challenge into opportunity is attitude"

Applying that today.

Here's the link- takes a minute to read.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...cal-acceptance
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