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  #11  
Old 04-08-2011, 01:05 AM
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Sounds familiar.

9 in our house + Maca, who isn't in the house for the time being.
Always extras popping in and out.
THANK GOD I do NOT work full time. That would be pushing my limits.
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Old 04-08-2011, 07:48 PM
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There are many a days where the limits are pushed!
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  #13  
Old 04-09-2011, 06:34 PM
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Default Grand Central Station has a lull in activity

So here I blog...

Back it up now. Ok so my past.

This is a strange subject because I never thought of myself as particularly promiscuous. But apparently according to statistics of the time I was (shared by 2Rings) However, I doubt much of that data is reliable. Why do I doubt it- most women my age learned to deny sexuality, and have only just started opening up. That's my opinion of course and my own experience.

As I said my first sexual experience was later than most (late 17) and totally my initiative. I had the goal of getting it over with- I was more curious than interested in the boy romantically. I was in my Patrick Swayze phase- and he looked like Patrick Swayze, or so my gfs who were at Beach Week with me thought, I agreed. The sex- not anything to write home about, I got the basic concept but wasn't insistent it happen again. Since he was a random boy I met on the beach, I never really looked back again. It was a fun week, and he served his purpose of experiment.

The second experience was an entire year later. And completely changed my life. I was in love for the first time, and it happened pretty fast and lasted a loooooooong time- in my head. In my head because it was mostly an LDR after the first year, and we never made sacrifices to be permanent. He had university and then his career that took him all over the world with a base in London. And I had university and did my thing here when I returned home to Pennsylvania. We were in love. Funny enough he said it first because I was too afraid to sound like the clingy, girlfriend. Again, he was a summer love that lingered. But the one whom I consider my first lover. I was extremely close with his family. His sister was my flatmate in Dublin. His brothers were regulars at our house. And he was an on-again, off-again lessee of my bed. Although we never formally moved-in together. We spent most nights and weekends together at my flat. His mom is a lovely woman-American, a professor for whom I worked when I lived in Ireland. I did kind of odds and ends assisting for her. She ran the university's exchange programs, was/is on the Irish Film Board and of course taught courses in Irish and American Lit. So she needed help with keeping on task with the little things. I did that as I studied politics and worked in the Dail as an intern. It was an awesome time.

But like anything when you are 18/19, it doesn't last. Especially if you are both headstrong, busy and restless people. We were. Breakup was tearful. Enough said about that. He was romantically in and out of my life for years. Until I married Hubs. Strangely, because I am so close with his family still, Hubs has become close with 1stLove's eldest brother, and our children are all friends. We have vacationed together etc. Both 1stLove's twin and youngest brothers have offered to house my kids if they do study abroad programs over the next two years. Funny how life evolves and unfolds.

Ok so break-up occurs and I am free to explore. Of course I am really into and aggressive about sex. He awakened that in me. Lovely. So for the next 3 years or 4 years I had a pretty healthy and steady string of lovers- approx 23 with varying degrees of sexual practices explored; and one encounter that was more of an assault on me than consensual sex.

Is that alot over 4 years? The majority are friends with benes, and to this day I am in touch with most, if not all. A few random hookups, the result of drunken lust. One steady bf for about a year and half and then I meet hubs. The man I was with before hubs, was a very good college friend with whom I ended up getting more romantically involved. We should have stayed friends w/out benes because I broke his heart when I fell in love with hubs. I still feel really bad about it.

Ok so here is where I am confused- is it slutty to be sexual with friends? I mean I was pretty acquainted with most of these guys before sex. There are probably a little more than a handful that I would not consider friends or were just random. Ethical slut maybe? 2Rings thinks I was slutty. Hubs never really asked about my past. He said when I broached the subject, "our history starts now, what do I need to know? You are healthy, right? Enough said."
I say I was sexually healthy and socially gregarious. My thinking was more masculine than feminine on the subject.

Now, looking back. I had such a hard time not loving my lovers on some level...I mean they were friends first. And as I said with the exceptions of a handful, they were not just sexual partners. Not just there for the act of sex. So it was probably the beginnings of polyamory for me. AND, I never fell out of love with 1stLove, not even when I fell in love with and married Hubs. The social norm dictated I be monogamous when I married, so I was. In the physical sense, but I still loved 1stLove, for over 2 decades! He is married with children. We stay in touch. The longing for him is not there anymore, but I will always love him...
(to be continued)

Last edited by Morningglory629; 04-09-2011 at 06:44 PM.
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  #14  
Old 04-09-2011, 08:44 PM
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I had a lot of sexual explorations with different guys in highschool. As you said, to varying degrees. All of them were close friends and most of them I keep in touch with still. I know their girlfriends, wives, kids etc....
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  #15  
Old 04-09-2011, 10:14 PM
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Doesn't really sound all that slutty to me.
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  #16  
Old 04-09-2011, 10:22 PM
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When I read about getting involved with your friends in the Ethical Slut, I was kind of like, oh that sounds interesting. It seems like it can be really great but I don't think that everyone has that capacity. I'm not sure that it would work for me personally but if it's a positive feature in your life, why not?
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  #17  
Old 04-10-2011, 04:48 PM
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Default MG enters monogamous marriage

So here's the thing...I was never one for convention. Never thought marriage was something I wanted until I was ready for kids- the only reason in my mind to be married. Also, though I was never a bad girl, I enjoyed the company of bad boys on occasion. This fed my interest in not getting stuck in any ONE relationship. Not sure why but maybe just the typical need to shock when one is young. I also never really liked being vulnerable or "the girl" in the relationship. I always have been the go-to person in my family, the strong one. The one who takes care of things for everyone. But at the same time, I liked to take-off and wander for a bit every once in awhile. Always different circles of friends, some of those circles overlapping but for the most part I moved among them because I was always looking for something new or different. So how did I get into a traditional marriage situation?

Hubs is a compelling fella. I met him a few months after I got back home from Ireland- the second time around- at this point I am 21. I was working in a pub, doing some local campaign work and going to school fulltime. He came into the pub with a group of friends from a local university, and I heard his accent. We started chatting about Ireland- Belfast in particular because I had just been there visiting 1stLove's eldest brother who was a journalist covering Northern Ireland for the BBC. I was in a new relationship of sorts. College bf and I had been a couple since the previous August- so nearly a year. Not looking for another bf. But there was something different about this guy. (Isn't there always?) Any time he came into the pub when I was working, I found a reason to talk to him, or I pretended I needed my cigarette lit, or just brushed up against him putting in my orders etc. At the time he had this crazy, shock of dark curly hair. He has dark eyes that seem to be and are full of dark mysteries. He was a standout loner type even in a group of friends. He was somewhat quiet in this band of very loud, boisterous party people. He was always looking at me from across the room. Never made a move toward me, unless I gestured to him. We flirted for 5 or 6 months before actually going on a date. Of course I was the one that asked. We went to dinner and drove to a special spot in the city that we still go to when we need to talk. Surprisingly intimate in the middle of a busy city. Anyway, the next day I told the current bf that I was going to need some more space. I remember the day. It was just before Christmas. after I told him I needed space, he asked if it was because of Hubs. I guess it was apparent. BF punched the wall above my head...putting his fist through it. He was not interested in sharing me. So I moved-on. It was a baaaad breakup. As I said we were college friends and all of our best friends were friends. Lots of guilt. But I knew Hubs was going to be someone I could truly love.
We spent almost all of our freetime together until he had to leave- his J1 visa was up at the end of that semester. Did that end the relationship- hell no! He went back home and resumed life as a non-profit business advisor, working with cross-community conflict resolution initiatives. We wrote letters (before the internet boom) and called eachother every weekend. I followed him to Belfast the following summer. My sister accompanied me. She returned home without me. It was 1991. We were engaged that Christmas. Was it quick? Relatively. Whirlwind? Probably. My parents never knew a thing until I stayed without my sister. I remember talking to my dad and him saying "MG, please come home. Belfast is dangerous." Well that February I landed back home, engaged. We planned a 1993 wedding. However, his best friend's wedding was in August of 1992. Hubs was coming back to the US in September. I decided to surprise hubs by showing up for the wedding of his best friend. Only best friend and Hub's younger sister knew of my plans. Well it was a surprise to him. He was overwhelmed, and right after the wedding whisked me off to a seaside inn. We had not been physically with eachother for 6 months. Our twins were conceived that night. The rest is history. I was his wife and happily monogamous for 16 years. I was busy with raising kids and making our home. I did not go back to work full time from the time the twins were born (preemies) until our youngest daughter entered fullday preschool- 6 years as a stay at home mom, although I did some contract work on various campaigns and volunteered at their school.
More later. Gotta get to work now!

Last edited by Morningglory629; 04-11-2011 at 01:51 AM.
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  #18  
Old 04-11-2011, 12:25 PM
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Default Nothing original to say...just a passage that hits home

For perfect friendship may be said to require natures so rare and costly, so well tempered each and so happily adapted, and withal so circumstanced (for even in that particular, a poet says, love demands that the parties be altogether paired), that very seldom can its satisfaction be realized. It cannot subsist in its perfection, say some of those who are learned in this warm lore of the heart, betwixt more than two. I am not quite so strict in my terms, perhaps because I have never known so high a fellowship as others. I please my imagination more with a circle of godlike men and women variously related to each other and between whom subsists a lofty intelligence. But I find this law of one to one peremptory for conversation, which is the practice and consummation of friendship. Do not mix waters too much. The best mix as ill as good and bad. You shall have very useful and cheering discourse at several times with two several men, but let all three of you come together and you shall not have one new and hearty word. Two may talk and one may hear, but three cannot take part in a conversation of the most sincere and searching sort. In good company there is never such discourse between two, across the table, as takes place when you leave them alone. In good company the individuals at once merge their egotism into a social soul exactly coŽxtensive with the several consciousnesses there present. No partialities of friend to friend, no fondnesses of brother and sister, of wife to husband, are there pertinent, but quite otherwise. Only he may then speak who can sail on the common thought of the party, and not poorly limited to his own. Now this convention, which good sense demands, destroys the high freedom of great conversation, which requires an absolute running of two souls into one.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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  #19  
Old 04-11-2011, 12:32 PM
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Default Let me repeat that one thing...

In good company there is never such discourse between two, across the table, as takes place when you leave them alone. But I digress:

http://youtu.be/1xOxHyTP91c
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Old 04-13-2011, 04:42 PM
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Default The jump

So many years passed...16 or so.

How did I go from a completely monogamous marriage to polyamory? It was his fault! No honestly, it was just the perfect storm. Circumstances within both of our marriages- completely separate circumstances not at all similar in my opinion, there was complete trust in eachother, crazy-sexy compatibility and his flirtatious persistence. I was absolutely curious about the non-monogamous aspects of his relationship with KT. He intrigued me, and all I can say is a woman knows when a man wants her. We get that all the time, right? Men hitting on us from the time we hit puberty until the end of time. Usually we can fan it away, disregard, pay no attention and go on with our lives. But there was something more here with 2Rings. I felt it.

I would say that there was a foundation of mutual admiration, respect and FRIENDSHIP. It evolved. Slowly at first, then like a train on a downhill track, it ran wild. I fell in love with 2Rings and there was no stoppong that train or going back up that hill.

We worked together. Spent alot of time talking. About our work happenings, mutual friends (he and I had so many people in common from our younger days but apparently never met), family issues, music, art, politics (usually a heated debate there). And he made/makes me laugh out loud every day. He shared some personal stuff. I had some similar "stuff" in my life. We talked about their swinging. He talked about polyamory. I was really getting turned on by him on a daily basis.

There was one day I remember perfectly. It was the way he looked at me and muttered some flirtatious invitation. There was something in his eyes that told me he was serious. I could feel myself blush, and my heart raced. I became very nervous, like cornered prey. His eyes held me like a deer in headlights. So I did the only thing I could in that situation, the only thing I wanted at that particular moment. I turned it around on him, looked into his eyes and said as seductively as I could, "I am going to call your bluff one of these days." He replied, "Don't threaten me with a good time." For a few moments we were locked in a palpably hot gaze, and then it was broken by someone else popping into the office. We began a series of sexting, and really hot conversations. Soon after that I invited him to an annnual party I have. He attended with KT and the kids, was extremely talkative and energetic. Seemed happy to be there. Interaction outside of work seemed to spark more interest from him. So one day a week or so after that gathering, I beckoned him into a room at work and leaned-in to kiss him. He kissed me back...hard, and pulled me close to him. That was it for me. Lightening. Although we put off having sex, it was apparent that was on the agenda and real soon. He had to okay things with KT. Since they had some experience and interest in non-monogamous practices, he didn't think it would be a problem if we started a sexual relationship. We waited, they talked, debated. About 6 weeks later, after KT meeting with me and disclosing some facts and talking about reservations she had about the working together issues, she okayed it. Then she vetoed it. Then it was okayed again. I would say by mid June it was in full swing.

At the beginning and up until right after the first sexual experience I had with 2Rings, hubs knew very little about this relationship. I told him there was some mutual interest with someone at work. I wasn't sure if anything would come of it, so most of it was kept from hubs. After my meeting with KT and her permission for the relationship to get sexual, 2Rings and I immediately had sex (somewhat unplanned- I had my granny panties on for god's sake!) I was a bit nervous about some of KT's issues. And confessed to hubs after that first experience. I had to tell him everything that was going on and about the issues KT had brought up in our discussions. Because of my meeting with KT before 2Rings and I started, I knew she was apprehensive and not really trusting I would disclose everything to hubs, and there would be some detrimental scene made. So I asked hubs (since he did not want to know any more than he needed-his DADT policy) if he would record his permission so that I could share it with KT and 2Rings, basically so they would know he was accepting...not excited about this change in dynamic, but accepting and aware. He did. The rest is history so to speak. You have read some versions of the unfolding of our lives over the last two years in KT's blog and elsewhere on the forum. I have experienced all kinds of changes that I never imagined happening. I have had sexual experiences I never thought I would be interested in exploring, and for the most part I am so happy and excited about my poly. It has been quite a journey so far. That's it for the background. Unless there are queries.

Next post, more about my thoughts on poly and the challenges of being a secondary
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