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  #151  
Old 07-11-2011, 06:22 AM
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Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
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@NYCI everything you posted had validity with me. Thank you. I like the exercise. The quoted bits below I truly appreciate.
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So, I know an exercise, or really a game you can play with yourself, that helps one start to see more clearly what's going on inside. When we're annoyed, we're usually grumbling or complaining about something or someone to ourselves, right? So, every time you have a thought or make a statement about what's annoying you -- basically a complaint -- add to the end of your sentence these words: "and this is what I want." Do that for one or two days and you will see that being annoyed, feeling offended, being irritated, is a state of mind we put ourselves in. Even complaining is a choice (oh, how often in just one day we can indulge in complaining!) -- some people do that exercise and realize that their life is really just great, but that they just love to complain. Many of us have been ingrained with a pattern of complaining about things because we just can't let ourselves experience life as something that is really as fucking awesome as it actually is.

So, I'm not making any calls about what's going on with you, but it could be a very enlightening exercise to do. It's been useful to me when I feel like things are out of my control, because it makes me realize that my happiness and peace of mind are up to me.

Now, the major result is that it brings self-awareness -- and with seeing your own reactions to things more clearly, you also see other people's behaviors more clearly. So when one starts to see one's own patterns of reactions better (because getting annoyed can really be just a habit), we can clear away the confusion over another's behaviors. You might start to see that what they're doing is perfectly fine, or you might see that they have actually been trying to bug you
@ Ray Stuck in a rut of bias and preconceived notions is where I have been lately. Some justified, some maybe not so much, but either way it impacts my attitude. Good point about empathy.

@BD I have lots of local gf's and this is what has been a puzzle to me with KT. Our relationship has been so difficult to sustain. I have really struggled with building a friendship which I have never experienced before KT. So I need to find out where I am failing. I am committed to moving forward. Trying to figure out why I am so easily put off by the smallest of annoyances- it has me in a quandary. I am usually able to blow things off. I am direct but really kind of laidback. I smile and laugh alot...but lately it has gotten really hard for me to turn the other cheek or even think the best of any misunderstanding. Working on it. And determined to make it better. Thanks!
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  #152  
Old 07-21-2011, 08:13 PM
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Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
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Default crazy day...some frustration

Looking to buy some getaway property. Talking to the hubs about it today. Not too far from home, but out of the city and user friendly even when the cost of gas skyrockets! Crossing fingers.

Also doing some fundraising for my son's track team. They are travelling to national finals and some of the kids need some $$ to make it happen for them. I am beyond annoyed with some of the parents of these kids.

Also fighting the usual issues of privacy, compatibility and resentment. It is easing a bit but about an hour ago I was wound up! Time and place for everything and picking my battles isn't always easy.

On more positive notes: I got to spend some time with 2Rings and KT's son- KT had errands and a play to attend with daughter, and 2Rings had a work meeting so I was chosen babysitter! First time. Had a blast and saw the Harry Potter movie in 3D! Also took him to climb a faux rock formation at REI. 2Rings met us after the meeting and climbed the formation too...I was impressed!

Also, 2Rings told his brother about us! Yea!!! The test of adjustment will be when we run into a ton of people next week at a pretty big concert. A little nervous. My sister will be there, his brother and other family members of mine. I think some people from work. College friends. Some friends of 2Rings. Not all going together but I am sure we will run into them. Should be an interesting day to say the least. Lots of puzzled looks I am sure. We won't be demonstrative but I am sure people will question the pairing for the concert tix!LOL!

Well I have to work late tonight 11p to 7a...ugh!!!
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  #153  
Old 01-03-2012, 04:48 PM
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Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
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Default six months is long enough

So here I am. 2012!!! What has happened, where am I going? Almost three years into this poly experience. Still crazy in love with 2rings. Still married to an awfully good guy who has the mono misfortune of being married to me. We aren't sexually compatible it seems. This both bothers and relieves me. And the fact that I feel some relief bothers me more. Still confused and anxious and angered every few weeks being stuck for lack of a better term in the circle of witnessing 2Rings and KTs marriage, manic and unstable imo. Still in a bit of a limbo as far as my place in 2ring's life because of said instability. He's so patient and committed...believe it or not. He tries so hard to keep us both happy, and because of our (mine and KT) inability to truly accept eachother it had been a rough 2011. He had a wonderful Christmas with KT and the kids, they went on a trip. He and I spent NYE together, the first time we ever have celebrated together. It was a lovely day and evening. We came out to some close friends at work. Another scary milestone. But it wasn't meant to be a sustained happiness, and the next day was a blast from the past. So I am struggling. But the difference is today I am looking and concetrating on the positive, and getting the negative out by just writing it down here. We'll see if that exercises the demons.
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  #154  
Old 01-03-2012, 07:36 PM
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Cool to hear from you MG. I often wonder about your little trio.

We are back in New Zealand for Christmas and New Year (heading back to Australia on Friday). We may shift back here permanently as my younger daughter isn't coping very well. I often look at your situation and wonder why you don't just end all your challenges or look for new relationships but then I look at my situation and see how much splitting up marriages can adversely effect even older children. (sigh). Often choices are never perfect, we just have to make the best of them.

J (Z's SO) is spending a few days with us. It's all very civilised and we get on well together but I don't think either her or I would like to make it a permanent arrangement. That makes me a bit sad for Z, who is so happy when he has his two loves under the same roof. I think the art of compromise is a very important art to become accomplished in.

Happy new year to all of you and hopefully 2012 will be a little easier. xxx
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  #155  
Old 01-03-2012, 08:27 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Glad to here things with you and 2Rings are going good. I too have a hard time seeing other people struggle in their marriage, it makes my heart hurt for them. Then I sit and see my marriage go back and forth from one extreme to the other and I just want to bang my head against the wall . Repairing a marriage is such a slow process.
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  #156  
Old 01-05-2012, 07:07 AM
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Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
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Hi Girls! I think of you often too. I actually check up on you via your writing. Happy 2012!!!
Relationships are tough and work. I OFTEN wonder why we don't all just give-up. but gosh there are moments of utter bliss...and it keeps me hooked. sigh
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