Morningglory's Awakening

[Morningglory629]

Nycindie- the end of June is a timeline KT and 2Rings set for themselves for decisions to be made on whether or not they stay together. I don't know how or why anyone would separate indefinitely. I think meausurable time guidelines are helpful in motivation. Besides two years is a loooooong time to wait for progressive change. I am willing to back off to take away any pressure to fulfill my needs now so that our future is stable. However, I want that future to start yesterday. know what I mean? it is time to get on with it.
funny you think in even numbers...I always think in odd numbers, group things in odd collections, like asymetrical. funny observation. Are you mono or poly? sorry my mind is a bit cloudy today...memory shot!

[bitterborn]

I admire you, your patience and your willingness.

[NeonKaos]

I think it's interesting that you folks are doing this now, at the two-year mark, seeing as how they say that NRE can last from six months up to TWO YEARS... I don't mean to sound judgmental like I always do, but I would respectfully point out that KT has been wanting to "take a break to work on the marriage" for a while but it seemed that you and 2Rings were not prepared to do that until now. Just saying... It's about time you guys gave it a chance. No one is going away and it's seriously time to stop talking and start doing. I realize that "talking" is sometimes also "doing" but I think you know what I mean.

I don't mean that towards any one of you specifically. I mean it toward all three of you as a group.

ETA: Seven weeks is NOTHING. I see my boyfriend every couple of months. I didn't have contact with him for eleven years, and after all that time we still love each other. It will pass quickly.

[Morningglory629]

I would say if I signed up for an LDR that would be part of the territory of acceptance of that dynamic and schedule. Yes? But I didn't so the point is moot and this is not a break he and I WANT but that they need. And for clarification, this isn't the first time I have suggested a break between us for them. It is probably more like the third or fourth time. The last time for approx 5 weeks in Septemeber/October which ended in KT having THE WORST meltdown to date. And keep in mind 2Rings and I are lucky to see eachother for two or three hours a week on our own. Lucky when we get that. We go weeks like 2 or 3 without sex. As a matter of fact before this break began I think it was two weeks since our last intimate time together. That may be TMI but the reality is on average we meet for tea and do a crossword puzzle once a week, sometimes we talk for an hour or two after work and we have a date every 2 to 3 weeks, overnights are maybe 2 or 3 times a year (so that is about 5 overnights to date-I count 4 but I am probably missing one ). I will see him briefly at work with many others present so no physical contact or intimate conversations, and even that is limited because of vacation days he and I have scheduled for specific family events.

Hats off to you for maintaing LDR, I couldn't do it. I need the interaction. The way I give and receive love is through words of affirmation and physical touch. And though I am a secondary, our relationship is not secondary in nature. So this is very hard. For me. And NRE probably has been extended because of all the stops and starts with KT. But unfortunately for me I have that same giddy energy I always have had with him. That may not go away. Not sure I want it to because time flies by with us. We have a good time together always.

God I could not imagine being separated from my love for 11 years!! I don't doubt after 2 months love remains but it sure is lonely and a little less blingy until then! And I will miss his kiss and his hand holding mine and our long talks. I will miss being in his presence. Don't you?

I have lots of projects lined-up and some family events to keep me busy. So I will be fine NK just not as shiny for the most part. Know what I mean? I don't think you were being judgemental, just your opinion.

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by Morningglory629

Nycindie- the end of June is a timeline KT and 2Rings set for themselves for decisions to be made on whether or not they stay together. I don't know how or why anyone would separate indefinitely.

Well, I just meant that if it were me, I'd say, I'll give you the time you need until things are better/resolved/healed, etc. Personally, I don't think I could put a time frame on it - what if they haven't reached a decision by the end of June? Emotions and processes have their own paths and don't always fit into a pre-ordained schedule.

I do agree with NK, also. Your stepping out of the picture to give them room to strengthen and heal their marriage (in whatever form that takes) seems lo-o-ong overdue. I also don't mean to sound judgmental, but it's just an observation made from reading all your stories.

This is one reason why I am very cautious about getting involved with a man who is married, even if he is firmly and staunchly poly. No matter how much I loved someone, if I were a secondary to a man whose marriage was falling apart, I couldn't stand knowing that my presence in his life was playing a part in that - and especially in the wife's pain. Even if he insisted, or she insisted, that I not step back, I couldn't do it. I could never align myself with the stance of "this is what we want, we love each other, so deal with it!" and would always feel an ethical obligation to the married couple that they put their relationship first.

So, um, yeah, I also respectfully say... "it's about time!" and commend you for doing so.

[Morningglory629]

Originally Posted by nycindie

Well, I just meant that if it were me, I'd say, I'll give you the time you need until things are better/resolved/healed, etc. Personally, I don't think I could put a time frame on it - what if they haven't reached a decision by the end of June? Emotions and processes have their own paths and don't always fit into a pre-ordained schedule.

I do agree with NK, also. Your stepping out of the picture to give them room to strengthen and heal their marriage (in whatever form that takes) seems lo-o-ong overdue. I also don't mean to sound judgmental, but it's just an observation made from reading all your stories.

This is one reason why I am very cautious about getting involved with a man who is married, even if he is firmly and staunchly poly. No matter how much I loved someone, if I were a secondary to a man whose marriage was falling apart, I couldn't stand knowing that my presence in his life was playing a part in that - and especially if it caused the wife's pain. Even if he insisted, or she insisted, that I not step back, I couldn't do it. I could never align myself with the stance of "this is what we want, we love each other, so deal with it!" and would always feel an ethical obligation to the married couple that they put their relationship first.

So, um, yeah, I also say... "it's about time!"

Read above statement. Not the first time. And I just started my blog so you have only read KT's right? Your opinions are different than mine and I do not think it is a matter of ethics but personal comfort levels of what kinds of relationships you are interested in being involved. I am aligned to us all being happy in the end. It is not a competition. It is not one love is more important than the other. Poly is difficult for a mono but it is possible. The struggle is there and in the foundation of their relationship. I am not the reason for the insecurity. Not taking that burden on. Their timeline is THEIR timeline and they have their reasons for it. I think most people on here realize the time for them to decide to stay or go is LOOOOOOONG overdue so to speak. I know NK thinks it. She has said so several times. Alot of people have. I think there is a point in time in a struggling relationship where it is obvious that things radically change or they die. It is definitely action time. I can't remember who said it but someone commented on whether or not the kids have ulcers. I mean when is enough enough? Healing is an action verb.
And thanks for the commendation even if it reads like a back-handed one. It may be your style of writing. I am sure you didn't mean for that tone. I thank you for your time in reading our stories. It does mean something that you are interested in our story and giving advice and support to any one of us. Thanks.

Originally Posted by bitterborn

I admire you, your patience and your willingness.

Thanks!!!!

[NeonKaos]

OK, I'm not going to respond to the whole thing because I don't have time to read it thoroughly and in any case, my post was not meant to be globally comprehensive - only to remark that it's interesting that this takes place at the 2-year mark.

However, I do want to clarify that I am not in an "LDR". We live about 20 miles away from each other, we just don't have the time to see each other more than once every 2 or 3 months. And we were not really "separated" for 11 years, I consider that we were still in a relationship all that time, we just didn't have any contact. But that's academic. Nowhere was I suggesting that you and 2Rings "separate", I was simply saying that 7 bweeks is not a very long time unless you're really young, then it seems like forever.

ETA: I was the one who said the remark about ulcers. Having been the kid in a situation similar to this I think I have some insight into such things.

[Morningglory629]

Originally Posted by NeonKaos

OK, I'm not going to respond to the whole thing because I don't have time to read it thoroughly and in any case, my post was not meant to be globally comprehensive - only to remark that it's interesting that this takes place at the 2-year mark.

However, I do want to clarify that I am not in an "LDR". We live about 20 miles away from each other, we just don't have the time to see each other more than once every 2 or 3 months. And we were not really "separated" for 11 years, I consider that we were still in a relationship all that time, we just didn't have any contact. But that's academic. Nowhere was I suggesting that you and 2Rings "separate", I was simply saying that 7 bweeks is not a very long time unless you're really young, then it seems like forever.

Yep! I got it. Thanks for the update on your sitch. I wasn't aware and now I am. And I will say I am young at heart LOL! But no it isn't, and I told him as such but it is time apart which for me sucks. Thanks NK!

Ok I am outta here. Meeting with KT in a bit for a hash-out meeting. I am confident and positive it will be good. I am buying and she deserves it.

[SNeacail]

Hugs and good luck with your meeting with KT

[NeonKaos]

"this is what we want, we love each other, so deal with it"

This is the impression that I have always got, especially from 2Rings. Not saying that this is the ABSOLUTE TRUTH - but it IS the IMPRESSION I got.

MG, although you did start your blog well after KT's was already established, you have made your points in other threads and have been anything but silent throughout the duration of your membership with this forum. So, saying that we only had KT's side of the story up to now just doesn't fly.

I am sure your meeting with KT will go well. The two of you seem to be making the efforts required to achieve the goals you both want.