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  #31  
Old 09-29-2009, 06:03 PM
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You will notice, dear HMA that I said, "if this is true." I have no idea what the deal is, so I quite humanly go to generalizations. I am sorry about your sensitivities in regards to the age gap thing. I myself have a husband that is seven years younger than I (mono is two years younger) and realize that some people are more mature at younger ages and less at older ages. It balances out sometimes. I am in doubt of it working out with a 20 year gap unless the daddy complex or something else is going on.

What twigged me was the talk of her being good looking and him saying he wanted a romantic friendship, then wanted to kiss her. I'm sorry, but there is way too much in all that that spells out older dude going through midlife stuff. Especially if he is in his late 40's! Perhaps I am wrong, I'm not always right.

Please read again what I said about what I think poly is and then read what you want me to explain, cause I don't think we are differing in opinion about it.
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  #32  
Old 09-29-2009, 07:19 PM
HappiestManAlive HappiestManAlive is offline
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I was not offended in any way by your statement re age gap, I threw that comment in because it's a pet peeve, lol.

I was asking for claarification re the "it's not poly if it doesn't involve intimacy" bit. As for your concerns about his motivations, I think you are correct in findong our views very much the same.
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  #33  
Old 09-29-2009, 07:57 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappiestManAlive View Post
I was not offended in any way by your statement re age gap, I threw that comment in because it's a pet peeve, lol.

I was asking for claarification re the "it's not poly if it doesn't involve intimacy" bit. As for your concerns about his motivations, I think you are correct in findong our views very much the same.

This forum was having a discussion a month or two ago about whether "intimacy" is synonymous with "sexual activity". There is a whole spectrum of differing opinions regarding this topic. The following dissertation applies to any relationship, mono or poly:

If someone wants to kiss someone else on the mouth or in any way other than "Hello/Goodbye" or hold hands other than for the purpose of not getting separated in a large crowd, that crosses the line from "platonic friends" to "romantic friends". Any further than that (touching the "fun parts", snuggling while naked, etc.) crosses the line from "just friends" to "fooling around", and ANY time there is the intent or attempt to have an orgasm by one or more of the persons involved crosses the line from "fooling around" to "having sex".

I'm sure I'm leaving out some variations on the theme, and I recognize that I did not address how "intimacy" fits into the above descriptions. I simply cannot cover all the bases by myself at this time...

I know that there are other people on this forum who either draw the lines in different places or just flat-out disagree with some of what I just said.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 09-29-2009 at 08:01 PM.
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  #34  
Old 09-29-2009, 09:29 PM
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I never said that intimacy is not poly. I said the opposite. I said poly is a sexual and intimate relationship. It sounds like he is asking to have sex with his friend. That to me is not poly. Its having an open relationship. Poly is about love and the kind of commitment that goes beyond just a casual fuck out of horniness. Its a lot of work and effort to be certain that everyones needs are met and continue to be satisfied with the situation. Especially after the NRE wears off. I am not convinced this guy is coming from that perspective.

There is a thread that I know of way back called the definition of poly (I think) from way back where we discussed it all.
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  #35  
Old 09-30-2009, 01:43 AM
HappiestManAlive HappiestManAlive is offline
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You read my statement backwards, lol. I said:

Quote:
I was asking for claarification re the "it's not poly if it doesn't involve intimacy" bit.
I believe that it's possible to go past friends and into "involved in the relationship" without involving physical intimacy. Less involved than would be otherwise to be certain - but with Lana in our situation for instance, the PHYSICAL intimacy is almost nonexistant, whereas with Anne it is very much part of our interactions all around. While Lana isn't considered part of our triad as such, she is absolutely part of our defacto family - couldn't have it otherwise if we tried, lol!
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  #36  
Old 09-30-2009, 01:57 AM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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There is also an older thread regarding asexual relationships and people with emotional attachments who don't have sex for one reason or another.

I'm too tired to go find it for you. You'll have to look for it yourself.
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  #37  
Old 09-30-2009, 03:49 AM
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YGirl, I like what you said and how you have it "classified" as this is going to be on my mind this coming week when I see Elric again. He seems to be the type who does hold hands or puts an arm around his female friends but in a friendly gesture as opposed to romantic...at least that seems to be the impression I get.
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  #38  
Old 09-30-2009, 07:36 PM
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I must say I struggle with the asexual poly thing. But maybe I just have very touchy friendships? I dunno. If the touching is sexual maybe I would get it?
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  #39  
Old 09-30-2009, 07:50 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I must say I struggle with the asexual poly thing. But maybe I just have very touchy friendships? I dunno. If the touching is sexual maybe I would get it?

I think some folks can have the "love feeling" but be turned off toward the sex act(s) for whatever reason. Not ME or YOU, but SOME people.
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  #40  
Old 09-30-2009, 08:32 PM
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Ya but... I have love for my friends?! Not sexual love with most of them, but love that makes me want to be close to them, hold their hand, cuddle them, etc. What's the dif?
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