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#1
09-24-2009, 05:47 PM
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How do Monos cope with Polys?
Hi guys
ok - my last post was too long and boring - sorry. Just wanna know how you cope as a mono, who has no interest in falling in love with anyone else. When your husband falls in love with someone and wants a 'special' (though not sexual) relationship with her. I feel a bit ashamed in front of all of you, cos it's not even sexual - it's just a romantic friendship they seem to want. Should I go against my instincts and try to find someone else too? Should we all meet up together and talk about it? Should I just let myself feel the jealousy, and see what comes up, when I just allow it? Is this too boring for you interesting people? xxx 
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#2
09-24-2009, 07:35 PM
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Hi Midnight,
It's not boring at all but I don't understand what a romantic relationship without sex is all about? I am really missing something here. Are you sure he knows what he wants?
__________________
 Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules. Monogamy might just be in my genes  Poly Events All Over
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#3
09-24-2009, 07:42 PM
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Romantic friendship has existed, and presumably still exists. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romantic_friendship
But Monov... is right to ask "Are you sure he knows what he wants?" EDIT: Oh... yes, the wikipedia "Romantic Friendship" article is about same-sex "romantic friendships" -- but I'm sure there have been "romantic friendships" between guys and gals as well. That is: really profound and personal love without a sexual relationship. Last edited by River; 09-24-2009 at 07:47 PM.
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#5
09-24-2009, 08:06 PM
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Quote:
While it is perfectly ok to explore different approaches to loving as long as you are willing and healthy in doing so, there is a certain amount of risk involved. If you are wired mono like myself, which it sounds like you are, and end up forming a new connection it may cost your husband his wife. I'm saying may, not will. I am very black and white and very sure of how my heart and mind work. If you try to force your nature to accommodate a new lover, your nature will probably override your intention of maintaining more than one connection of this kind. Romantic, sexual love connections are very different than the love of children or family members. In some people such as me, that connection is completely fulfilled by one person and trust me, faking it with another is not easy and will lead to trouble. Yes - you should definitely all meet up and talk about it. There has to be a better understanding of what each individual expects. Definitely allow yourself to feel jealousy and tell your partner about it. Don't let it control you though, analyse it and seek the issues behind those feelings. When you get to the root of your jealousy it is then that you will be able to determine if you can handle this type of relationship. My situation is much different than yours. I came into an established marriage with holds great respect and power for me. Although I have a romantic/intimate relationship just with Redpepper, I consider myself in a relationship with her and her husband almost as though they are one. That makes my healthy involvement much different than if I was put in your shoes.
__________________
Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules. Monogamy might just be in my genes Poly Events All Over
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#6
09-24-2009, 08:30 PM
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Hi Midnight..I'm cutting a comment of yours out of "sharing success and happiness" so I can respond here...
it is humbling for me to read about this... I'm new to all of this - feel scared - feel small hearted - cos I want to keep my husband to myself - not have him be with the other woman he's kinda fallen in love with.... but the loving way you all care for each others feelings is awe inspiring - i'm gonna have to keep opening up to this I think, even though it's scary and it hurts My situation is different than yours...I would react much differently if I was in your situation. You are encouraged to explore new relationship aproaches but certainly do not "have to" do anything!! Read some of my other posts so you get the full journey and picture. You are not small hearted I truly believe there are very few people who can overcome the hurdles having a Mono/Poly relationship generate...did I mention you are not small hearted? Take care Mono
__________________
Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules. Monogamy might just be in my genes Poly Events All Over
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#7
09-24-2009, 08:47 PM
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Quote:
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#8
09-24-2009, 08:50 PM
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Quote:
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#10
09-24-2009, 08:57 PM
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Considering the age difference here I could see this either one of two ways. A) Denial of a very real desire to have sex or the need to cultivate almost a father/daughter love.
Romantic friendship is way to vague for me in this and is much more understandable in a same sex situation for me...if he said "deep" friendship I would have a different feeling about this. The word romantic is pretty specific when speaking of men and woman to most people.
__________________
Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules. Monogamy might just be in my genes Poly Events All Over
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