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  #31  
Old 04-01-2011, 11:16 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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So the part about pets and getting them has kind of struck home here.

I have a parrot, four cats, and two dogs. I love them all, but I do wish I'd figured out how to be poly sooner. They are not people. And trust me, there will be pet NRE too. You will probably find yourself collecting them while your wife struggles to understand why some basic need is not met. Trust me, another pet does not fill the void permanently.

I tried the pet thing. It doesn't work.
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  #32  
Old 04-01-2011, 11:17 PM
pheonixaise pheonixaise is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Sorry for the double post, but this thread is moving fast. As I was writing, you mentioned your wife cut a lover's name into her arm. And she is struggling with depression as well, and using NRE to mask her pain?

Hmmm, some deep stuff going on here... kinda scary. Did you know she was a cutter all the time?

Did you know being a NRE junkie is not being poly?

As others here have said, it would be interesting to have your fiancee post here as well.
I'm sorry, timeline might help. She had the lover that she cut into her arm before she became pregnant, became depressed when he left her (A 4 week relationship, I would like to add) and that was the first time she had ever cut. She would probably kill me if she knew I told people, but it's difficult to get help with a partial story.

As for NRE junkie, I did know that is not being poly, but the difference is, if the person doesn't turn out to be an asshole after she has had her fun, she doesn't leave them once the NRE fades. She simply doesn't listen to people when they say "Hey, that guy literally told me that he wants to make you leave your husband" and responds with "Oh, I'm sure he didn't mean it like that"

Those kinds of comments are what make me afraid to throw myself under another bus. Still got the tire tracks from the last 18 wheeler, lol.
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  #33  
Old 04-01-2011, 11:19 PM
pheonixaise pheonixaise is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Penny View Post
It was not clear from your post that, when you walked in on her with your best friend, you were aware that she was with him beforehand.

I agree with those who think she is not actually polyamorous. It does sound like she is using NRE like a drug.
Oh, I didn't know she would be, but she took asking if she could go to a movie with him as my consent to date him. She didn't see him again afterwards, it was a misunderstanding, but it did catch me completely off guard :P
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  #34  
Old 04-01-2011, 11:29 PM
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Penny Penny is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pheonixaise View Post
Oh, I didn't know she would be, but she took asking if she could go to a movie with him as my consent to date him. She didn't see him again afterwards, it was a misunderstanding, but it did catch me completely off guard :P
Um... wow. Dude.

She took you saying it was okay to go to a movie with him as permission to fuck him?

Am I missing something here?

She sounds pretty messed up. The cutting, after a four week relationship, fucking the friend, pretty much everything you've said so far makes me think she is in serious need of psychological help.
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  #35  
Old 04-01-2011, 11:35 PM
pheonixaise pheonixaise is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Penny View Post
Um... wow. Dude.

She took you saying it was okay to go to a movie with him as permission to fuck him?

Am I missing something here?

She sounds pretty messed up. The cutting, after a four week relationship, fucking the friend, pretty much everything you've said so far makes me think she is in serious need of psychological help.
Um... maybe I'm not explaining this right? She is sane, I know that for a fact. She didn't MEAN to fuck him. He wanted to, started doing things, and got into the moment. As for the cutting and that, I'm sure it was just a moment of weakness. He was the guy who opened her to poly. He presented this whole world of love to her without any kind of responsibility to him. She was very into this guy because he was like a mentor to her. Granted, their relationship didn't last long, he was married with a daughter, and eventually after he offered her to be his second wife, he dumped her after she met me, saying he "no longer felt she needed him to hold her up anymore, because she had someone who cared about me enough to do it for him"

Trust me, it could be the influences that she has had so far, but she is not crazy, nor is she intentionally hurting me. Of that, I am certain. She recognizes when she does something, and tries really hard to avoid any situations of the like. Hence the compromise.
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  #36  
Old 04-01-2011, 11:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pheonixaise View Post
She didn't MEAN to fuck him. He wanted to, started doing things, and got into the moment. As for the cutting and that, I'm sure it was just a moment of weakness.
That is NOT healthy behavior. Please, just look at what you are saying.

She didn't MEAN to fuck him.

The cutting was just a moment of weakness.

This stuff has so much power over her, she is not in control of her own actions at the moment? That is not healthy.
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  #37  
Old 04-01-2011, 11:39 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Unless you are being raped, you don't accidentally fuck people.

Sorry, but it sounds like you are being used.
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  #38  
Old 04-01-2011, 11:49 PM
pheonixaise pheonixaise is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post
Unless you are being raped, you don't accidentally fuck people.

Sorry, but it sounds like you are being used.
Um....well, she did feel really bad about it, didn't do it again, and it hasn't been an issue before...however, she has even been known to get that into a situation with me in public. She does just kind of get carried away. I don't think I'm being used, just a misunderstanding....

If I were being used, she would be wanting to openly date again.
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  #39  
Old 04-01-2011, 11:49 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is online now
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Wow, what they said, plus-- you 2 have only been together 2 years, and have a 9 month old. So she got pregnant 6 months into your relationship. And dated the whole time as well, while in NRE with you, and also while pregnant?

And your best friend? Just got his rocks off when they had permission from you for a movie date? What was *he* thinking?

If you want to protect your daughter, set some firmer boundaries... like yesterday. She mightve been hiding her tendency to self harm, people do that (I know, my daughter hid it from our family for YEARS).
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  #40  
Old 04-01-2011, 11:53 PM
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That is so totally not just a misunderstanding. And mentally healthy people don't act like that. Period.
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My poly story begins here. Now with new blogging action!
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