Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 05-04-2011, 01:56 AM
AmourCurious AmourCurious is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: El Paso, Texas
Posts: 14
Smile AmourCurious Blog

My reasons for this Blog:

I love all that Iíve read. This forum is full of honest, open, real people, friendships, relationships and I want to be a part of it. I keep a personal journal and I write everything that comes to mind, questions, concerns and dreams. Iíve never thought about making such personal moments public but after reading others blogs and posts Iíve learn about me. Some have inspired thoughts, others have opened my eyes, and some have reminded me of my old problems while others are just what I am currently facing. I want to share my personal thoughts, a few things that I would normal keep in my locked journal with those interested in reading what I have to write. Maybe others can learn from what I am facing, maybe I will learn a bit more about myself and maybe Iíll simply meet new people.

I will begin with:

I am currently single. I have a long-distance friendship with PC who I dated while I lived in the same city as him. If we were both in the same city we would still be dating. Iíve been in a few dates with German guy. He really is German* Iíve enjoyed our few dates but a bit vanilla. I canít stop thinking about my ex-girlfriend (Psycho ex). Itís a term of endearment.* She has her own girlfriend and according to her a happy life, itís been years since we where together but for some reason she pops in my mind every now and then and I canít shake her off. Lastly there is Guy from Church who has proclaimed his love for me. Weíve spend some time together and although we have things in commend I am not sure he is emotionally stable enough to be in a relationship. Weíve spoke and Iíve shared my concern with him and he has accepted my point of view. He has really shown me some possessive behavior that I found a turn off.

Although I am single I am not alone.

Poly-discovery:

I have decided only a few days ago that I wanted to venture into a poly-lifestyle. Even though I have never been in an open poly-relationship I have been in love with multiple people. At the time it was cheating but even though the other parties didnít like it I was happy. Without knowing it I had my first experience in High School. I had a boyfriend who went to the same school I did, a girlfriend from another school and my cute lover boy who knew about both. I was very happy then, I felt like I had it all. Of course if everyone involved had known am sure things would have been different. I want to do things different now. I want everyone to be respected and not lied to.

Current debate:

Iíve decided that I donít have what it takes to commit to a full-time relationship. I am in a very deep self-discovery journey and University graduation is just around the corner. I will be leaving my home-town after graduation. All of this makes me think I should stop dating completely. Yet I donít truly want to. A part of me thinks it is unfair for those I date since I am not available to give them a future. Another part of me says, dating can be for short-term if those involved are aware and okay with it.

Secondly I am not sure if I should try online dating. I have never really done online dating. I want to date more woman and to be honest I donít have much of a gay radar. I am attracted to very feminine women. Online give you the advantage that people state what they are looking for. No guessing required. I am a traditionalist and reserved, I feel uncomfortable with the idea of my picture and info out there.

Here is where I ask for advice:

Is there such thing as short-term dating and is it moral? Online dating a good idea? Open to any other comments.
__________________
"To laugh often and love much...this is to have succeded."-Emerson
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 05-06-2011, 05:43 AM
AmourCurious AmourCurious is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: El Paso, Texas
Posts: 14
Smile Whole new update

Whole new update:

I finally spoke with Psycho ex girlfriend and told her that I still loved her very much and that I was happy she had found a person that made her feel safe and happy. Sheís happy to see that I am doing well. Unfortunately she didnít throw her self in my arms and said, ďI love you too letís get back together.Ē I am grateful that she found what she was looking for. German guy doesnít want to date anymore he was expecting a lot more from me. I am glad I didnít rush into anything I kept my distance and my dignity. I was smart enough not to allow things to get sexual and that helped me see what his immediate intensions where. If you sleep with anyone too soon things can become extremely complicated. This time I took my time and I am so glad I did. It saved me from a heart ache. Good Job Me! Church guy has kept his promise heís been very respectful and has given me my space. He has really shown what a great person he is. Heís accepted when heís made a mistake and has never pushed for a sexual relationship. That makes me happy. Things with PC are still the same. We stay in touch via txt. Out of four I am down to two. All is part of the journey.

Regarding my previews concerns:

Iíve concluded from my previews concerns that short-term dating is possible and it is quite moral. There is nothing wrong with going out on a few dates getting to know a few people and enjoying our time with each other. No man is an island and we all need some ones hand to hold.

I havenít made a full decision about online dating. I am still hopping I will meet a nice girl the old fashion way.
__________________
"To laugh often and love much...this is to have succeded."-Emerson
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 05-06-2011, 09:09 AM
magikman79's Avatar
magikman79 magikman79 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: College Station TX
Posts: 53
Default hiya

the online part kinda worried us a bit too, but were very careful to not attach to ppl until we meet them, some things you cant feel out through a text or a phone conversation. But after meeting a couple, we kinda wish it would just happen the old fashioned way too lol

I/we can relate to wanting someone to come back, that's just not going to come back, but it gets easier all the time.

Its good that you didn't rush into anything, & we found it helps a lot if everyone communicates well & is honest about how they feel & what they want.
You have a lot easier time getting what you want if you can ask for it.
All of this becomes even more true when you begin to talk about the sexual aspect of a relationship.

& Life is a journey... learn to enjoy the ride

O, & welcome to the forum
__________________
"The more a thing is perfect, the more if feels pleasure and pain."

Our Blog

My Facebook

Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 05-09-2011, 04:52 AM
AmourCurious AmourCurious is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: El Paso, Texas
Posts: 14
Talking Thank you

Quote:
Originally Posted by magikman79 View Post
the online part kinda worried us a bit too, but were very careful to not attach to ppl until we meet them, some things you cant feel out through a text or a phone conversation. But after meeting a couple, we kinda wish it would just happen the old fashioned way too lol
What makes me uncomfortable with the idea is; opening you self to the unknown world of the internet. Iíve always been the type of person that never accepts friend request from people I donít know. Privacy settings are my most major concern.
Quote:
Originally Posted by magikman79 View Post
I/we can relate to wanting someone to come back, that's just not going to come back, but it gets easier all the time.
I sometimes ask my self if I miss her or the fantasy/dream that I attached to her. There are so many things that I still wanted us to do together and she made me feel different. Iíve always had men treat me like the damsel in distress and it was my turn to take care of someone else.

Quote:
Originally Posted by magikman79 View Post
Its good that you didn't rush into anything, & we found it helps a lot if everyone communicates well & is honest about how they feel & what they want.
You have a lot easier time getting what you want if you can ask for it.
All of this becomes even more true when you begin to talk about the sexual aspect of a relationship.
I also feel that I made a good decision and wait before exploring a sexual relationship. Iíve come to realize that it is a type of connection that needs to be cherished rather than the start or the only meaning of a relationship. When it is something special it can really make you feel closer.

Quote:
Originally Posted by magikman79 View Post
& Life is a journey... learn to enjoy the ride

O, & welcome to the forum
Thank you for your warm welcome, I really hope to continue hearing from you. Iíve enjoyed readying your and your wifeís blog.
__________________
"To laugh often and love much...this is to have succeded."-Emerson
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 05-09-2011, 04:54 AM
AmourCurious AmourCurious is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: El Paso, Texas
Posts: 14
Cool Can a person really have it all?

I am feeling a little upset, more like alone. I know that it is not good to depend on others to make you happy and that you need to be happy with your self before adding any one into your life. All of that is rational and square. However, I do wish I had someone to share time with, hold hands, laugh over random things and finish each other sentences. Can a person really have it all?

Iíve taken a semester off from school to get my mind in order. Find myself and reflect on what I want. Iíve learned a lot about myself, what makes me who I am. Iíve also found a spiritual community who understands my spiritual believes and they are very accepting and understanding. Iíve learned to keep peace with my family by thinking before I react. Itís not easy leaving at home when you are no longer a child and your family sees you incapable of doing the most basic tasks. However, Iíve learned patience and to walk away from unnecessary confrontations.

All valid lessons and I am proud of all the great work Iíve done so far. A part of me wishes there was someone special in my life. I feel like I am depriving myself. But I donít want to jump into a commitment with just anyone. I have worked so hard at getting my self to where I am that I donít want to throw away my sanity for a sparkly smile.

I want to continue to grow and keep reaching my goals with someone that makes me laugh and will support me rather than pull me down. Iíve made the mistake before of committing into relationships with people who demand and expect my whole attention and Iíve made the mistake of throwing myself out the window and turning into what they wanted and needed. At the end, I lost my self and ended up alone. This time around I want to play it safe and stay true to my self.
__________________
"To laugh often and love much...this is to have succeded."-Emerson
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 05-09-2011, 04:57 AM
magikman79's Avatar
magikman79 magikman79 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: College Station TX
Posts: 53
Default

Were still careful who we accept friend requests from & such, but even then we talk to them a lot before anything else happens, & you can decide how much you want to reveal up front, if your not comfortable about sharing info about something, just let them know, the ppl worth talking to will understand.

& I wonder a lot about if I missed her or the fantasy/dream & the truth is its both, & that is part of the reason were searching for it again with a better understanding of everything lol

& the sex thing is just a true statement lol

Meow ;-)
__________________
"The more a thing is perfect, the more if feels pleasure and pain."

Our Blog

My Facebook

Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 05-09-2011, 05:02 AM
magikman79's Avatar
magikman79 magikman79 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: College Station TX
Posts: 53
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by AmourCurious View Post
I am feeling a little upset, more like alone. I know that it is not good to depend on others to make you happy and that you need to be happy with your self before adding any one into your life. All of that is rational and square. However, I do wish I had someone to share time with, hold hands, laugh over random things and finish each other sentences. Can a person really have it all?
We noticed the same feeling of "excess time" recently too, all the things we use to laugh at like idiots...

not that I have a point about it, we just noticed it too...
__________________
"The more a thing is perfect, the more if feels pleasure and pain."

Our Blog

My Facebook

Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 05-16-2011, 02:38 AM
AmourCurious AmourCurious is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: El Paso, Texas
Posts: 14
Unhappy Stepping outside my comfort zone

Iíve made it! I can now look around and see the many things I wasnít sure I could reach. There are still two or three other things that I need to work on but I feel so close to where I wanted to be that itís like I am already there. I seem to feel peaceful but I will admit the feeling makes me look both ways. Things are good and all but what is the catch. Best part is that I made it on my own and the feelings are genuine.

I will admit out loud that I am afraid I will screw it all up. Feeling good is outside my comfort zone. There is no chaos and no guilt. That feels awfully strange and my fear now is that I will do something to go back to the old ways. But I know that if I stay long enough in this state of bliss, emerge myself in the feeling and really believe I earned these new feelings it will be easier and easier to stay and create a new feel good zone.

Everything looks so nice that I want to run in with a spray can. Now, what?
__________________
"To laugh often and love much...this is to have succeded."-Emerson
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 05-16-2011, 03:07 AM
magikman79's Avatar
magikman79 magikman79 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: College Station TX
Posts: 53
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by AmourCurious View Post
Feeling good is outside my comfort zone.
I can relate to that, but remember, it's ok to be happy ;-)
__________________
"The more a thing is perfect, the more if feels pleasure and pain."

Our Blog

My Facebook

Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
blog

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 11:16 PM.