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  #31  
Old 03-28-2011, 07:19 PM
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Penny Penny is offline
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My daughter has been having problems at school to such an extent that I attend school with her every day. She's in therapy and we're getting her assessed in as many ways as are appropriate, trying to get her the help she needs.

She has an emotional regulatory problem and some slight neurological developmental delays, though is well above average in intelligence and some other developmental areas and is loving and affectionate. She does not yet have a formal diagnosis, and her therapist thinks one might not be forthcoming as she falls through the cracks on diagnostic criteria, not being fully one thing or another.

Her problems resemble Asperger's, but she is far to social and has no difficulties with attachment. She does not meet the criteria for ADD, OCD, or oppositional defiant disorder, though has elements of all. We have been assured by multiple sources that her difficulties are not due to any deficit in our abilities as parents.

Having accompanied her to school every day for a couple of months and seen a marked improvement in her behavior, I had been discussing with her teacher gradually phasing me out so I can return to working on my fledgling writing career. I have some money saved up and was not working in an attempt to try to become a published author. That has been put on hold due to my daughter's problems.

Today, out of the blue, she had a sudden backsliding into old problems. She acted out physically, and hit me a couple times. Hitting has been a problem for her, but she never hits me, so I am in a bit of shock over that.

We can't find a trigger. I have some thoughts, and will write about them later.

I had so much hope, and things were looking so much better. I am terribly depressed. Heartbroken even.

I dealt well with her behavior early this morning, but her teacher and I decided I should take her home because the day was just not working out. I lost my temper with her while getting her ready to leave. My frustration just got too much to handle.

She'd been going half days for a couple weeks, then was allowed back full days, and she'd been attending art and music classes without me being present. We were going to start having me leave the class for periods of time throughout the day, but now we are going to have to put that off.

I am upset that her progress has so suddenly dissolved both because I am terribly worried about her (she is my little sweetheart and I love her to pieces), and because I only have a limited time during which I can work on my writing before the money I have saved runs out and I have to find other employment. So a longstanding dream of mine is also in jeopardy.

My primary worry is her, but having to spend all my days at school with her is wearing down my morale.

Her therapist believes that her emotional regulatory problems are due to a number of losses she experienced (deaths, moving, that sort of thing) between the ages of 2-3, coupled with a natural predisposition are causing her present difficulties.

Today I am deeply depressed as I thought we were seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, however faint.

I am feeling guilt over losing my temper with her, and for the fact that I screwed up the day of her therapist's appointment last week and so missed it. The second bit of guilt is not very reasonable.

Thumper is such a good daddy and is so supportive, though his work schedule leaves him exhausted much of the time.

I just feel really shitty. My poor little ducky. I love her so much.
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  #32  
Old 03-28-2011, 07:21 PM
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I fear that last post may not have been wholly coherent, but I'm feeling very emotional today. This may have been reflected in other posts I've made around the site.
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  #33  
Old 03-28-2011, 07:51 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Oh Penny. I am so sorry. Was going to send you a PM asking what was up, but now I know. *HUG*
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  #34  
Old 03-28-2011, 08:02 PM
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HUGS, HUGS HUGS!!!!

My oldest is nearly 16 and is ADHD, and while he has grown out of some of the issues, there are still enough that his "special ed" councilor thinks it may be Aspergers and we are now moving toward a full evaluation. He is definitely a couple years behind socially, but he made huge strides this last year. The school thing is so frustrating, there were many days that I just broke down in tears with helplessness. If it is at all possible, I suggest looking into home schooling, I wish I could have done it, I think it would have made a huge difference.
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  #35  
Old 03-29-2011, 04:24 AM
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Sorry to hear what you've been going through. How old is your daughter? I may be naive, but I often wonder how productive it is when professionals attempt to categorize and diagnose children's behaviors to the nth degree. I get the sense that she needs sunshine and more play, just an intuitive thing that came to me while reading your post. But never mind me if I'm totally off-base.

((((HUGS)))) to you all
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  #36  
Old 03-29-2011, 04:46 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Remember, first you are human, then you are mommy. Not reverse.



I have 4 kids-all with severe ADD and one (my stepson) with severe emotional problems and behavioral problems due to drug exposure in utero and abuse between ages 0-4.

Some days are diamonds, some suck so bad it feels like you're being sucked inside out.

I am curious too as to how old your daughter is, she sounds like a perfect candidate for homeschool or private school options.
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  #37  
Old 03-29-2011, 10:44 AM
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Sunshine and more play was the first thing we tried when the problems started in PreK. She's in first grade now, age six. For a while it looked like things were settling down, but she's had a reversal and got suspended for hitting multiple times.

I really don't want to homeschool, for my own sake, but will if it becomes necessary. We are looking into private schools, but money is an issue.

Her neurological problems are pretty minor and she's above average on many other scales. I was the same way as a kid.

I am not big on labels, but having a label makes getting help easier.

The main problem is that the developmental delays are exacerbating emotional problems. I have been saying for years that she is having trouble coping with a number of losses, her grandpa and grandma, great-grandma, the family cat, our house, and a number of others, all within the span of just over a year when she between 2 and 3. The school officials have previously been dismissive of this, but now they are seeing things my way. Her therapist agrees.

She has certain predispositions that make these early traumas even harder to deal with. She can't let go, and has an uncanny memory. This recent bout of behavioral problems happened after the student teacher, who she loved, left the class. She's obsessed with loss, and is desperately trying to control a world that is bigger than she is.

I have a big meeting at the school today to discuss where we're going next with this.

Also, I'm fighting with my nutcase mother again, which is also hard on my daughter, so no baby-sitter for our usual Tuesday night. T-Rex is coming to dinner still, and we're going to do family cuddles and watch the movie Up (which T-Rex hasn't seen) before my daughter goes to bed. Then Thumper, T-Rex, and I will probably watch a little Bab5, then retire to the bedroom for a bit of bouncy bouncy before Thumper goes to work. T-Rex will spend the night, rising early to return home before he goes to work and I take my little one to school, where I will stay until class is over.

I am really looking forward to the cuddles. I need to de-stress and unwind. Normally my daughter is at my mom's on Tuesday nights (usu. Tuesdays and Saturday night/Sunday day), but I'm glad she'll be with me, even if it's because my mother is unreasonable. I try to help her as much as I can, but her problems are all self-inflicted and I am unwilling to put up with bullshit from her.
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  #38  
Old 03-29-2011, 03:45 PM
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Enough worrying about the kiddo today. She's happy, smart, and full of love and sunshine, and I know it will work out. I have her home today because of various appointments, therapy and stuff like that, and she is too cute to fail at life.

I am sooo looking forward to dinner, movies, cuddles, family time then grown up time. Poor hubby is exhausted and hasn't had enough sex lately due to work schedule, me having a bad cold, and general stress. If he sleeps through movie time, after I put the kid to bed I might ask T-Rex to occupy himself for a little bit so I can go climb on top of Thumper for a quickie.

Or we might just migrate together into the bedroom and wake him up.

Thumper is cool with this plan.
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My poly story begins here. Now with new blogging action!
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  #39  
Old 03-29-2011, 05:38 PM
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*HUGS* @ Penny.
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  #40  
Old 03-29-2011, 10:43 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Sounds so familiar Penny. My stepson (I got him at 18 months old) struggled so desperately with the same types of issues.
He's SO smart-too smart for his own good most of the time. He can be a sweetheart out of this world.
But, changes like going from one parents home to the other (they did that every 3/4 days when he was little per court order) created so much psychological distress for him that he would get violent, fluctuate from sobbing to screaming obscenities (at 2years), beat his head against the wall, just was out of control-and it would take 2-3 days for him to get a grip again.

That was actually why I homeschooled him the first couple of years (yes I did catch that you'd prefer not to do that). It only took a couple of years, just having that steady, all day at home with "2mommy" for him to start finding curiosity in the ways that came with changes.

Like being curious what was going on at grandma's house and so he would go there with someone BESIDES ME.
Being curious what the kids were going to do at the park, so he would go with his older sister (and NOT ME).

I don't know what the requirements there are, but here school isn't mandatory til age 7, is it possible that you could pull her out temporarily, really put 6 months or so into having her daily schedule be totally secure, predictable and inclusive of her "at her home family" and using the last 3 months of that work her out possibly?

REGARDLESS-
I think it's awesome that you are trying so hard AND you are also still seeing what a beautiful wonderful little girl you have.
Don't forget that to have a beautiful, wonderful little girl, you must be a beautiful and wonderful mom!!!

Pat yourself on the back for all of your hard work.

(writing-I love to write, have you considered scheduling so that you can take a laptop and headphones after she goes to bed and run off for 2 hours a day to work on your writing? Or maybe before she gets up in the morning? I have a friend who has 4 kids, 3 under the age of 4 who is an author. She commits to 30 minutes a day, every day and it seems to really work)
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