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  #31  
Old 05-21-2011, 04:35 AM
Eloise Eloise is offline
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Oh God did I scream at him. And screamed. And shouted. And cried hysterically.

I screamed he triggered me with his actions. His reactions. His cheating and then groping the woman he cheated on me with in front of me... and being so dense as not not even realize it might bother me.

One moment he would say he would do anything to help. The next, he kept insisting he had to do things his way.

I shouted his way has triggered me far longer, with more pain, than anything anyone else ever did. That thanks to him (yes I was blaming) I felt excluded, unloved, unwanted, undesired, replaceable, replaced, lonely, betrayed, disregarded, gutted and alone. My trust was torn to shreds.

If he had to do things "his own way" he could do it as as swinger couple. He could have as much casual or non-casual swinger play with his swinger friends and it would be swinger-ific as could be.

And he could live the rest of his life, swinger and non-swinger portions, without me.

He is now eager and more than eager to learn about PTSD, triggers, reactions, how to help prevent them, how to help me deal with them ... he dislikes therapists but he begged for me to arrange an appointment with my therapist so we could work together and he could stop failing me.

So now I have to figure out if I want to take that apartment offer in downtown or keep trying.

If this therapist can't make them see ... guess I'm getting a new address.
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  #32  
Old 05-21-2011, 06:49 AM
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Ivy Ivy is offline
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Heya, it sounds like things went off the deep end there. Like maybe raw, brutal emotion is overshadowing the more positive elements of this relationship. Does that make sense?

It also sounds like there's a lot of serious pain going on. So much gets lost in text, but you seem genuinely, deeply hurt by all this. Maybe it would be a good idea to take a step back--WAY back--from this couple, this whole relationship, for a short while so you can regroup?

I've been through a rather uncomfortable breakup recently, and I've noticed that the more distance I get from it, the more things make sense. I think pain and panic and anger and frustration really clouds my judgment. Could it be that you're the same way?

Better to evaluate things when my feelings aren't hot off the press, right?
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  #33  
Old 05-21-2011, 10:50 AM
Eloise Eloise is offline
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I think you're right, Ivy. That sounds best.

Thanks.
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  #34  
Old 06-08-2011, 12:46 PM
Eloise Eloise is offline
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Brief update: guess who's making everyone go into therapy?
It is very fortunate that there are many therapists who are friendly to alternative lifestyles and conflicts.

She has been excellent in explaining medication interactions and that my extreme reactions are actually normal for (warning for people who are sensitive and are victims of assault) someone who was sexually assaulted in the past (by others).

There's still a long way to go. There has been and there will be no play between any of us. And they are not playing with anyone else unless I give specific permission. We're working on connection and understanding, something everyone admits they should have done on day one.

For the first time in a long time I have hope this can work out.
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  #35  
Old 06-08-2011, 05:54 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eloise View Post
Brief update: guess who's making everyone go into therapy?
It is very fortunate that there are many therapists who are friendly to alternative lifestyles and conflicts.
Good for you!
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  #36  
Old 07-20-2011, 05:21 AM
Eloise Eloise is offline
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Update: we've been working very extensively together. There is still a lot to sort out. But for the most part, they finally understand not only that they hurt me, but why it hurt, and how harsh it was.
The acknowledge what they did to me was more than unfair.
And how they treated me afterward was poor, to put it mildly.
So there is no more swinging, no more playing, no more comforting other women in a sexual manner.
I repeat: no more swinging. I called a halt to it, they said "okay" and since then, they have not done anything.

When the couple that cheated with my couple (and the same couple whose female was comforted by my male in a sexual manner when she felt nervous one night) came over for dinner, there was a long discussion about what the 4 of them did, what they chose to do, and how it affected me.

Also, there are some new rules and boundries:
1.) keep me in the loop.
2.) no swinging, no lifestyle, no play, no flirting
3.) no one talks about me behind my back,ever again. If the female of the other couple had questions about me, she will be told to contact me. This includes questions like "is she mad at me?"

Back to the workshop
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