Petulant

[TheEmpress]

Originally Posted by Eloise

So I don't know why I hurt so much suddenly. And I screamed and slammed and pounded. Why I broke self control... why it hurt so much.... I suddenly don't want to be friends with this other couple anymore either. I feel awful. I feel immature. I don't know what to do.

A few weeks ago one of my partners (male) met one of my very good friends (female). 24 hours after meeting each other they initiated intimacy that had me feeling a lot like what you shared. 48 hours passed. I suddenly felt better. Because i realized that me and my male partner have totally different definitions of what polyamory is. So we talked about that.

Another idea i had was for you to try to feel love for the female part of this couple, instead of anger or sarcasm. Even if you don't feel them right now, it would do you good to say nice things about her in your heart. It's a good practice, and effective. Soon you will come to see the traits in her that the male part of this couple sees and loves.

[Eloise]

Thank you everyone for your replies.
I got sick promptly after my exam.
I'm sure the stress didn't help.

And I do believe that yes, it's the fact they did become intimate first and then told me.
A day later.
Because they knew I was angry and they didn't want to deal with it so they didn't tell me.
So they figured if they let some time pass it would be fine.
I already figured it was what they did.
And they knew I was irritated when they left so they made any excuse to not contact me.
And I know it for a fact.

I think
it's time
to move on now

[Eloise]

"Soon you will come to see the traits in her that the male part of this couple sees and loves."

I saw the traits. I also saw the flaws
And the excuses
the anger
and immaturity as she had to be the center of attention

But I digress.
We have talked, they and I.
And the other couple
who accused me of overreacting.

and we have talked and talked and talked
and they finally understand how much it hurt me.

I got a C+ on my exam.
I blame stress

[Eloise]

It turns out
part of my response is because my medication levels
were off kilter.

I think I am the only one to see
none of us were ever "on the same page."
Being the one that was sexually abused in the past
by others
I am cautious
but I don't want fear to keep me back
so I have worked very hard
on my barriers.
My couple wants permission to play with that other couple again
and I told them no
sexual activity would be suspended by all parties on my side
until everyone was healed
which means me.
I wonder if it was worth it to them to have a nice time
in exchange for really hurting me
I don't think anyone would wish to be reminded
they hurt someone they say they care about.
And I did not wish to hear
how much they love the other couple
because it still leaves me feeling as if my feelings didn't matter
the misery they knew of
simply their love of another couple.
And their reply? Well they thought they had permission, they thought they had permission.
And I wonder...what person goes out to play when someone they claim to love so much is in her own personal hell ?

[Carma]

Originally Posted by Eloise

And as for not liking of the partner so much
she has become more mature
and more attractive
and more likeable to others
because, I am told,
I hold her accountable
I just didn't think I'd sign on
to raise a child 10 years my senior

Maybe that's a factor. She did improve due to me
and she reaps all the reward
and I feel forgotten.

I don't like these feelings of jealousy.
of hurting

Fight the bitterness. There has been good to come of this love. Even if you were the giver and she was the receiver. Maybe that was why you were called to be a part of this trio. Maybe you can be proud of yourself for that.

You will get yours. The universe is abundant in love! What's that old saying -- "the love we give away is the only love we keep" -- ?

From what I'm reading, it may well be time for you to move on. But if they were careless or unappreciative of all you sacrificed, that is on them, not you. You gave freely -- do you want to submit a bill, now? Maybe your pay is just in what you've learned. And knowing that you helped someone else become a better person -- that makes you a better person, too

[Eloise]

"do you want to submit a bill, now?"

No. I simply didn't wish to pay for their dance

[Magdlyn]

Huh? Did one of your couple actually say that to you, as if you were a paid whore?

[Carma]

No -- I'm the one who asked "do you want to submit a bill now" -- eek reading it back that sounded like a really mean thing to say! I am sorry!! It was coming from some personal resentments I am feeling in my own life. It was an insensitive comment! I think you were treated poorly and I feel bad for you. What I was trying to convey is: don't let that pain turn to resentment for the love you gave, because THAT part of it was good. If you can find a way to salvage the good, I think it can ease the bitterness a little. Again, I apologize for sounding like a jerk

[Eloise]

I pretty much figured from the tone of the note
You were being kind
Carma.

[Magdlyn]

Oh whoops! I didnt notice your post, Carma.

Unicorn relationships are so confusing to me. I have nothing else to offer. Except hugs. (((hug)))