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Old 01-26-2012, 11:05 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Originally Posted by Lunshbox View Post
The best part is that we found another couple who we were attracted to and everything worked out great. So we have a nice little quad that works for us.

This is not to say that we dont have our fair share of problems. We still have jelousy issues pop up now and then and we have to constantly work on communication. It takes a lot of work to maintain an open marriage, but it is working for us.
Congrats! This is so nice to read!

Do come back every now and then to keep us abreast of what's happening. So many people just share when things are rough and problematic, and we don't hear enough from folks when things are going well - especially with quads (though that may be because with four people, you're so busy!).
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Old 01-27-2012, 02:26 AM
amuk amuk is offline
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 11


Good to hear things are going well for the two of you.


Thanks for your response. Yes, I do identify as "mono". I tried to be a good "poly" guy but I have a real hard time focusing on more than one romantic or sexual relationship at a time. As far as doing research, reading, seeking knowledge, and such that's where we come up with what I feel to be another inequality between my wife and myself. I have spent time reading books, blogs, and through forums (especially this one) for how to best build a poly relationship, be a mono with a poly, and how to work towards all the issues that arise after cheating. My wife, on the other hand, says she doesn't have time and that the experience of others doesn't have much to do with what we are trying to deal with. Anytime I try to mention an idea I read about or make a suggestion to try something that I have read she insists that just because what I am mentioning or suggesting worked for someone else that it isn't going to work for us. I agree that there is no way to know what will work for us, however the only way we will know is if we try.

To move onto the thing about our now infrequent sex life...she insists I find someone else to satisfy my needs. I really have barely any idea how to do this. I'm very busy with school and family life...managing house, bills, being the only driver, our 6 year-old daughter (my step-daughter) and am hard-pressed to find the time and energy to find someone else, build up that relationship, and keep balance between another relationship and our marriage. If I could find a woman who I was attracted to and who was attracted to me who was as sexually insatiable as me who has no more time, energy, or desire than for a friend with benefits relationship...well that would be perfect, but seems unattainable and unreasonable to ever expect.
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Old 01-27-2012, 04:34 PM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 651

Hey amuk,

I am sorry that you go through such a rough time. Your 'poly-journey' isn't something I enjoyed reading. It feels wrong on many different levels.

First of all: don't try to be someone you simply are not. If you are mono, you simply are. Fullstop. Don't try to 'be a good "poly" guy' if you don't feel like that. If you don't need another relationship, don't force one onto yourself.

And the biggest issue I have with your situation: What kind of attitude is your wife giving you there?! That's gross and unbelievable kind of. She doesn't have time to work on her relationship and heal the wounds she inflicted on you? She doesn't respect your boundaries and went on to do her thing, cheated on you and lied to you about everything and when she finally came straight about it, she told you she didn't thought that you could be hurt because you stated that you would be OK with that much? That's utterly bullshit.

I take that she is still seeing this other guy? If this is the case, she is satisfied and is neglecting you in regard to intimacy now and tells you to go look elsewhere? Does this woman care about you at all? This sounds like someone who is abusing you, only taking and staying in the situation because it is comfortable for her (you paying the bills and such). Please correct me if I am wrong, but that is the kind of input that I got out of it.

Regards, Phy.
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

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Old 01-27-2012, 10:03 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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She has time for other lovers but no time for you. Hmmm. That doesn't seem to fly does it? Why'd the relationship not last with the girls dad? Is there a pattern here?

Good for you educating yourself. I would think that regardless of what happens you will find that useful.
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