Your comments were very helpful and I always like to hear your opinion.
I made some notes the past days, to learn about myself, what I can learn from the past and what is good for me and for everyone involved, now.
It happened before, this situation. Once I was going out with a woman, exactly the same beginning, I was very open to her and we had a very good time. She said, if you want to do something with this woman you told me about - a long time friend of mine - it's allright to me. But when I finally did it, she broke up, which was very sad for me. In similar situations, when I started something with someone else, either the first affair/ relationship was ended by my girlfriend or the relationship became stressful and jealousy was a big problem. Openness can't be underestimated and I suppose I didn't make my prefered lifestyle clear enough, because I wasn't so sure about it myself.
I guess now it's good for me to be a little patient, I'm quite happy and often really happy and I enjoy working on things with myself. I know a few women, who are not monogamous so much and who might be interested in me and I in them, why not? There is no hurry. And if I already had some affair or poly relationship with someone else, it would be much clearer for Johanna what it is all about.
Another point: With mono relationships, often people choose very fast (I did before, too) a steady relationship, because they think, may be the next day someone else takes her or him. It's a little bit like in the supermarket, when there is a special offer. With poly relationships or friendships it's different, isn't it?.
What I also did quite often: I just did or said certain things to please someone, to meet a partner's demands, not because I wanted to. Or I relinquished from some wishes that were important for me, like the option to love someone else more than just mentally. Of course, there have to be compromises, but in a mono relationship often both or one partners feel very strongly that they should meet most of the others requests. I guess in a poly relationship there can be more space for each person, not only for a second lover but also for hobbies and other adventures.
And in mono relationships there usually is the dream to stay together for a whole life and to be "faithful" which rarely happens and puts a lot of pressure on the affair. If two people agree to a poly relationship, there is still the option to stay together all the time and even be "faithful" may be, but without strict regulations. What I don't understand is, why respect and trust can't go this far.
A problem in poly relationships might be, if someone wants more time and attention than the other.
May be like a friend who contacts me quite often and says she would like to have someone she can lean on to. If it's me, I would say, I love to see her once in a while, but a very close and frequent long term relationship wouldn't work for me with her, because I don't feel that attracted to her and somehow she thinks on a level that often doesn't conect with me. It looks like, poly relationships are from the first look more complicated, yet finally there can be more openness, more honesty, needs get fulfilled in a better way and there is less arguments. Of course, it's up to both partners how it turns out, simply to say that one is poly doesn't mean very much. What matters is, how it is lived.
It looks like it is important to know one's desires and needs and to express them and act according to them., even if they might sound unusual. Sometimes we must experiment to find out
what is good for us. A problem is, that most of us - especially when love is involved - don't like to be criticized or repulsed and even if it only means , that the other has a different opinion or different preferences and there is nothing judgemental about it. The same way, many have problems to tell their viewpoint, when it interferes with the other person, because then we are afraid to be rejected, too. All this can lead to a vicious circle.
It's not so difficult, if we know how we would like to live! (May be sometimes there is a lack of intention, dreams and phantasies): The way I would like to be treated, is how I should treat someone else. Everything I give to myself as a gift and permit myself to do, I give to my lover as well. I rather do someone a favour because I love to give than because I feel I have to.
For me the point might be or might not be so much the desire to be intimate with another lover, but for sure it is to have the freedom to do so. For me, this shouldn't be a problem if two people are in love and trust each other. If this is not the case, I become very sceptical, is the other possesive or does she suspect that there is something wrong with me? Even though I belong to a minority, my world looks this way. Generally I don't like to tie myself down. I'm a very autonomous person, I have my own way of spending my time, I'm spontanous, I don't like planning too much, I like to meet very different people, I like to travel. On the other hand, I like to have a home and to have steady and deep relationships. What I experienced often in mono relationship was, that I felt restricted and my spontanity and creativty was reduced, my attitude and my point of view was questioned again and again in a neglecting way. I believe personal freedom and loyalty + love don't have to be mutually exclusive.
There is much to be read on Poly/mono relationships on this forum. The choice is yours, but a decision might be more easily made after you read a bit and research on here. I suggest doing a tag search on here for "mono poly" and you will find lots to keep you informed for some time.