Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #231  
Old 05-21-2011, 07:07 AM
MorningTwilight MorningTwilight is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 146
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Budda
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned.
This just might be the most useful thing I have ever read.

Thank you!
Reply With Quote
  #232  
Old 05-21-2011, 07:36 AM
Freetime Freetime is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Canada, where people yell yeha for ten days and throw up on there shoes.
Posts: 163
Default

The previous post was/is a snapshot of the lowest I've gone in this journey.other then day 01. The anger and self pity are indeed pretty obvious, but also true at that moment. I really want to edit it and make it sound less....snivelly but that's just another way to lie about what's going on, so I'll leave it as is.

We went out tonight to meet another Poly couple who along with T helped calm down the angry monkey I had become. They shared there story, home and heart with us and I am grateful to no end for there support.

Most of my.....stuff isn't related to the Poly, but it is getting caught up in it. My outburst at T, M2 and T2 is how I deal with emotional.....stuff. poorly.

M2 and T2 have been and will remain people who I want to spend time with. Gentle souls, both.

T and I had a great night, one filled with laughter and love. A much better close to the day then how I got it started.

This really caught me off guard, I'm still not sure what happened with me/this. But it's pretty clear I have a lot of homework to do.

I'll write more later, but for now I'm going to get some much needed sleep.

NYCindie MT,and II, you have all given me much to think about and do. Thank you.

P.S. my inability to spell yoda and buddha makes T smile. Who knew?

Last edited by Freetime; 05-21-2011 at 07:39 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #233  
Old 05-21-2011, 07:48 AM
MorningTwilight MorningTwilight is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 146
Default

It's called a roller coaster for a reason: there will be highs and lows, and you won't expect them. Again, this does not make you a failure.

AND: as some kind soul pointed out in my own "new guy" thread: it's FAR better to vent here than to say something hurtful to the one(s) you love.

MT
Reply With Quote
  #234  
Old 05-21-2011, 02:54 PM
Beodude123 Beodude123 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 69
Default

I know you and I are going through much of the same thing FT. I hadn't been posting much on here lately since I didn't even want to think about anything poly, since it would just piss me off. So I wasn't even coming here. I've been feeling a lot less angry about things, so I'm kind of floating around here sometimes.

Anyways, even if nothing is going on, it's just the very idea of poly that I struggle with. Jen hasn't been doing anything with other guys for a good while, but I've still been mad. I would suggest to you maybe to have your wife stop poly stuff for now, so that way you can be okay with the idea?

I think the both of us are pretty hard wired mono. It's obvious the both of us want to be able to accept our wives for what they are... But it's been killing us inside. So, get used to the idea first, and move from there. I think it's going to take us a lot longer than previously thought. Slamming right into things was too fast for us both.


I'm not really sure what has helped me to turn around. Maybe just time? Either way, I think things need to be pretty darn slow for the both of us. Good luck!
Reply With Quote
  #235  
Old 05-21-2011, 02:56 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 999
Default

I call bullshit. After creeping your Facebook, I have to say you are pretty darn sexy. So, no more pity party!
Reply With Quote
  #236  
Old 05-21-2011, 04:20 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,634
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post
I call bullshit. After creeping your Facebook, I have to say you are pretty darn sexy. So, no more pity party!
can I *like* this?

I am glad to hear that you met some people who are just friends and poly. I find all to often in this community that is becomes all about dating and fucking. Especially for new comers. *yawn* so gotten old for me at this point, although it was a similar process to me.

Keep breathing. Eventully it seems mind and body kind of let go of the pain and confusion and stop trying to control it. It's a defense mechanism (why do we do this?).

I agree with TP. Some slowing down and taking a breath is worth asking for.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #237  
Old 05-21-2011, 08:44 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 999
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I agree with TP. Some slowing down and taking a breath is worth asking for.
While I like knowing my advice is sound, this one was MorningTwilight. However, I agreed with him and also showed him this thread, so I'll tale a bit of credit.
Reply With Quote
  #238  
Old 05-23-2011, 12:06 AM
Freetime Freetime is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Canada, where people yell yeha for ten days and throw up on there shoes.
Posts: 163
Default

I'm going to write a book.

The fastest way to experience pain in the creation of a poly amorous relationship.

1) pretend you know what your getting into.
2) rush into it even after folks suggest you slow down
3) repeat 1 and 2 until you're divorced, insane, or decide to start listening to people who actually do know what they are doing.

I'm in NYC on business right now so I can't write for long, but let's just say I've made some serious miscues, both painful and entertaining in the last few days that make just about everything else I've experienced so far seem like fun.

More when I get home. P.s. I love N.Y!
Reply With Quote
  #239  
Old 05-23-2011, 04:46 PM
ImaginaryIllusion's Avatar
ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,927
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Freetime View Post
I'm going to write a book.

The fastest way to experience pain in the creation of a poly amorous relationship.

1) pretend you know what your getting into.
2) rush into it even after folks suggest you slow down
3) repeat 1 and 2 until you're divorced, insane, or decide to start listening to people who actually do know what they are doing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doug Larson
Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Freetime View Post

I'm in NYC on business right now so I can't write for long, but let's just say I've made some serious miscues, both painful and entertaining in the last few days that make just about everything else I've experienced so far seem like fun.

More when I get home. P.s. I love N.Y!
NYC is an awesome town. Gotta say I'm a little envious. Don't forget to visit the Museum of Sex!
__________________
“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” - Chinese Proverb

-Imaginary Illusion

How did I get here & Where am I going?
Reply With Quote
  #240  
Old 05-23-2011, 09:17 PM
Carma's Avatar
Carma Carma is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 478
Default

Free and Beo -- I have to confess: I get you guys mixed up! Forgive me if I ever refer to Jen or T and I'm totally wrong

My Sundance is totally mono too and has shared your struggles. It really helps me to read your perspective. HIS anger scares me and worries me -- but yours helps me to understand. So I thank you for coming here to vent and to share and to bare your souls; it really helps others.

It's still a roller coaster for us, too. Sundance sometimes says "I don't LIKE it, but I understand." We are settling into our poly life a bit now. It's relatively calm. Hoping for some moments like this for you, too
__________________
Formerly married to Sundance
Boyfriend -- Butch Cassidy
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
acceptance, communication, dating, jealousy, marriage vs. polyamory, metamours, struggling, transition

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 12:58 AM.