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  #191  
Old 04-18-2011, 09:54 PM
Freetime Freetime is offline
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Default Assorted nonsense and other thoughts.

Ethical slut: Hippies who want to fuck anyone and or anything.

Sex at dawn: Intellectual propaganda for people who want to fuck anyone or anything.

Overall Lots of talk about reasons for wanting to have sex with others besides the person you're currently with but not a lot of talk about choice or love. I'm still reading both so this point of view may change. or not.

Poly Amory = Many Loves. Swingers= Many Fuckbuddies.

When this started I wanted T to just have a Fuckbuddy a brief fling and then we'd be back to normal.

Today I want T to find someone who will treat her with love, and respect our relationship.

Mono bashing.... Why? It's subtle, but I see it in numerous posts. usually when folks use language to describe it as Quaint, Archaic, Artificial Etc. You folks do realize many of us here right now standing beside you are....Monogamous? I KNOW!!! Who knew? But it's true. We really are. We may be involved with someone who's Poly, but we aint. We're just the men and women who want to or currently are, supporting our life partners create the life they want to live. That counts for something, right? Hope so.

And finally, A question. My wedding ring. I took it off, and off it's stayed. (The reasons for this are posted in earlier threads) Do I wear it or not? it's such a small thing to get caught up on, but I am. Silly but there it is.

I'm off to hug a dragon, mend some fences and love my wife.

Freetime.
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  #192  
Old 04-18-2011, 11:27 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Originally Posted by Freetime View Post
And finally, A question. My wedding ring. I took it off, and off it's stayed. (The reasons for this are posted in earlier threads) Do I wear it or not? it's such a small thing to get caught up on, but I am. Silly but there it is.
Maybe sitting down and coming up with some new vows to say to each other will make you want to wear your ring again. Your marriage is still strong (from what I gather), but the boundry lines have shifted and moved and therefore no longer resembles the original. Maybe you guys can engrave something new in the original rings that will make it mean even more.
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  #193  
Old 04-19-2011, 04:53 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by Freetime View Post
Ethical slut: Hippies who want to fuck anyone and or anything.

Sex at dawn: Intellectual propaganda for people who want to fuck anyone or anything.

Overall Lots of talk about reasons for wanting to have sex with others besides the person you're currently with but not a lot of talk about choice or love. I'm still reading both so this point of view may change. or not.

Poly Amory = Many Loves. Swingers= Many Fuckbuddies.

When this started I wanted T to just have a Fuckbuddy a brief fling and then we'd be back to normal.

Today I want T to find someone who will treat her with love, and respect our relationship.

Mono bashing.... Why? It's subtle, but I see it in numerous posts. usually when folks use language to describe it as Quaint, Archaic, Artificial Etc. You folks do realize many of us here right now standing beside you are....Monogamous? I KNOW!!! Who knew? But it's true. We really are. We may be involved with someone who's Poly, but we aint. We're just the men and women who want to or currently are, supporting our life partners create the life they want to live. That counts for something, right? Hope so.

And finally, A question. My wedding ring. I took it off, and off it's stayed. (The reasons for this are posted in earlier threads) Do I wear it or not? it's such a small thing to get caught up on, but I am. Silly but there it is.

I'm off to hug a dragon, mend some fences and love my wife.

Freetime.
This is an awesome post! I totally get it. I hear this from others in my life and even if I try to explain that we are just a bunch of freaks trying to feel a sense of belonging in a culture that does not accept, it doesn't make much of a difference. We are still freaks, still laughable to others and everywhere else, other than places like this, still don't don't belong.

I feel for you Freetime, but please realize that this is all we have sometimes. An oasis in an ocean of mainstream. Sure you might not like the subtle mono bashing (where might I ask? I find that often people are caring and empathetic to monos, maybe I am naive), but part of realizing you are a freak is to get piss angry about it and lash out at those that are in some way to blame. It's part of a process of acceptance. Something that is not meant to be pointing at one person and is something that some have to walk through to accept themselves.

Thanks for saying this. It's something a lot of people think when they come here I would guess.
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  #194  
Old 04-25-2011, 01:40 PM
Freetime Freetime is offline
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Default Staaaaaaaaaaaaaarting over.

Yep. it's true. M did not work out, I pretty much knew he wouldn't. way to self centered and far to flaky. Nice guy though.

So here's the deal. How do i communicate with T about this? I knew he wasn't it the first time I met him. I have very very good instincts and as nice a guy as he is, he just was in no way right for T. Now T? T was thinking with her Vagina and so she missed all of the cues. being in heat does that to most of us, well at least I think it does. Lust is a lot of fun but damn does it mess with our minds.

Anyway, we're at square one again. Looking for a BF/FWB. We are working on a list of things that worked/ didn't work and what we liked and didn't like about this experience and what we want to do differently.

I'm thinking this may work out well for both of us though, She get's a boyfriend and I get a Motorcycle! Sound fair?

I'll keep you posted.

Freetime out.
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  #195  
Old 04-25-2011, 02:25 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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How do i communicate with T about this? I knew he wasn't it the first time I met him.
Hmm, communicate what with her? Has she ended things with M? Or do you want her to end things with M? Is she hurting over M and you want to tell her that it's no use, M was a shithead anyway?

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Originally Posted by Freetime View Post
We are working on a list of things that worked/ didn't work and what we liked and didn't like about this experience and what we want to do differently.
Would be interesting to read about some of the things you come up with.
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  #196  
Old 04-25-2011, 03:04 PM
Grady40 Grady40 is offline
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Sorty didn't realise how many pages there were.

Noob mistake.

Last edited by Grady40; 04-25-2011 at 03:16 PM.
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  #197  
Old 04-25-2011, 03:21 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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We are working on a list of things that worked/ didn't work and what we liked and didn't like about this experience and what we want to do differently.
That's a very positive thing to do! I am amazed at how hard you guys are working at this. It's so wonderful to see someone being proactive.
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  #198  
Old 04-25-2011, 03:59 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Originally Posted by Freetime View Post
Yep. it's true. M did not work out, I pretty much knew he wouldn't. way to self centered and far to flaky. Nice guy though.

So here's the deal. How do i communicate with T about this? I knew he wasn't it the first time I met him. I have very very good instincts and as nice a guy as he is, he just was in no way right for T.
Well, I can share how my gf accomodates me dating a series of guys. She respects me and gives me space to connect with new people, whether she thinks they are 100% right for me or not. Whether I just want to satisfy my lust with them, or satisfy my curiosity about a certain kink behavior, or connect in a deeper way (which is always my ultimate hope). It's my journey, not hers. She makes sure she knows their names, phone numbers and what town they live in. She expects a call or text or IM when I return from a date (unless I return to her place afterward). Then she leaves the quest and adventures up to me. To glean what I can from this or that relationship. She comforts me if and when I feel frustrated or hurt. She shares in my joy when good things happen. Basically, she gives me space and respect and care and ... Love.


Quote:
Now T? T was thinking with her Vagina and so she missed all of the cues. being in heat does that to most of us, well at least I think it does. Lust is a lot of fun but damn does it mess with our minds.
And perhaps that is a lesson your wife can and will learn as she continues on her quest. There are some things we have to learn ourselves. Others' warnings can fall on deaf ears. Overprotective partners can be as detrimental as overprotective parents. IMO, YMMV, etc.
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  #199  
Old 04-25-2011, 04:21 PM
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ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
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That's a very positive thing to do! I am amazed at how hard you guys are working at this. It's so wonderful to see someone being proactive.
Agreed.

Once upon a time when my wife and I went to a poly workshop in Vancouver, I was struck by the awesome attitude the hostess had towards relationships. Her view was that every relationship, no matter the length, the depth, or the end was a learning experience, and thus was appreciative of all of them.

You guys aren't at square one. You've got one under your belt now. You've got lessoned learned. You've started developing ways to talk to each other about poly. You know that escorting her on dates is a bad idea for you...all those squares that you didn't even know were there when you started down this road the first time.

Wash, rinse, repeat, and keep learning with every evolution. Keep the faith my friend.
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  #200  
Old 04-25-2011, 04:34 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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And perhaps that is a lesson your wife can and will learn as she continues on her quest. There are some things we have to learn ourselves. Others' warnings can fall on deaf ears. Overprotective partners can be as detrimental as overprotective parents. IMO, YMMV, etc.
My thoughts, as well.
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