Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 03-10-2011, 08:02 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,830
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MindfulAgony View Post
My biggest surprise about being poly is the reality that one relationship doesn't "make up" for the others. This hit me after one of my relationships ended abruptly due to things outside my control. I was absolutely devastated and inconsolable.
I would agree with this. Also, for me, in the same light, if I am interested in having some time with one, the other can't just slide into that slot. Its very discernible in my head. Although that is something I am trying to work on.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 03-10-2011, 08:12 PM
MindfulAgony's Avatar
MindfulAgony MindfulAgony is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 192
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
I would agree with this. Also, for me, in the same light, if I am interested in having some time with one, the other can't just slide into that slot. Its very discernible in my head. Although that is something I am trying to work on.
Very interesting and so very true. Being attuned to our changing moods, passions and need to feel someone's particular energy (is that the underlying need behind "I miss you"?) is important and seems like people too often overlook it and its implications for who we spend our time with.

Thanks Ariakas. That's got me really thinking...
__________________
Male, Straight, Poly

OKC Profile

Blogs:
Mind Crush
sloetry

“Instead of getting better and better at avoiding, learn to accept the present moment as if you had invited it. And work with it instead of against it. And making it your ally rather than your enemy.”
-Pema Chodron

Last edited by MindfulAgony; 03-10-2011 at 08:32 PM. Reason: grammar as usual :-)
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 03-10-2011, 08:27 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,830
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MindfulAgony View Post
Very interesting and so very true. Being attuned to our changing moods, passions and need to feel someone's particular energy (as that the underlying need behind "I miss you"?) is important and seems like people too often overlook it and its implications for who we spend our time with.

Thanks Ariakas. That's got me really thinking...
Thats absolutely the case. I guess its on par with how sometimes couples don't mesh. One may be interested in the other, but one is not in the mood. Who knows..

Poly makes it infinitely more complex.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 03-15-2011, 07:02 PM
Braeica Braeica is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 5
Default

I guess I thought at some point the realities of everyday life would grind away that miraculous feel it has to it when you find your soul mate and then the two of you find somebody who fits into that like they were made for it.

Nope. Still whacks me upside the head at the randomest moments, even after all these years. Wouldn't have it any other way, either.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 03-16-2011, 01:05 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 6,784
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Braeica View Post
Still whacks me upside the head at the randomest moments, even after all these years. Wouldn't have it any other way, either.
Braeica, Tell us more! Start a blog here or introduce yourself - it's so great to be able to read about successful long-term poly relationships! Yay!
__________________
Hot chick in the city.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 03-16-2011, 01:22 AM
Braeica Braeica is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 5
Default

I'm going to be rather shy in that department. Both my guys are working in fields that being poly would cost them their careers- and the paychecks that make our household go- so prudence is the better part of valor for us. But thank you for being interested.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 03-16-2011, 12:36 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,288
Default

My 2 biggest surprises:

1)That I met my dear darling gf so soon after splitting with my ex. She and I click like 2 puzzle pieces. I thank the universe for bringing her to me every day. Our relationship is mostly blissful, and when we have problems, we are able to work through them in short order.

2) That in the 2 years since, I haven't been able to find a man who I click with as well as I click with gf. Not for lack of trying and putting myself out there. Most men I've dated just seem to be so clueless, so bad at open and honest communication, too sex-focused, or not sexual enough, out of touch with their feelings, uninterested in commitment, too busy to date, in shaky so-called poly marriages that aren't really poly, too Dom, too sub, immature, boring, shallow, etc., etc.

If I didn't crave cock and testosterone and their muscles so much, I'd just give up!
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

There's no lying in polyamory!

I'm a 58 year old woman with 2 partners:
miss pixi, my live-in gf, 36 (together since Jan '09)
Ginger, bf, 61, married, lives nearby (together since Jan '12)
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 03-16-2011, 03:58 PM
TheEmpress TheEmpress is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 11
Default Compersion surprise

As recently as last night, i was surprised. I felt the warmth of compersion wash over me as I watched two of my partners kiss each other with joy. It was fantastic.
__________________
my blog: http://diaryofanempress.blogspot.com/
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 03-16-2011, 09:58 PM
Vinccenzo Vinccenzo is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 278
Default

I learned that it matters very little to me if I'm poly or mono so long as I feel loved and respected. Without those elements, I don't want a relationship of any style.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 03-17-2011, 01:39 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,346
Default

The surprises for me:

- that after two years of open marriage that was de facto mono, I could fall in love back to back with two men in two months.... and two men who were coworkers, too (they were extremely different in other ways, though)

- that I really don't have "slots". I would have done my best to manage all three (Raga, Seamus, W) at once if given the chance, and right now, after breaking up with Raga and being turned down by W, I have zero need to go for someone else at the moment. I am definitely attracted to specific people, and don't have a "perfect" number of partners that I need to be at to be happy.

- that people might understand you or not, reject or accept you, but there is really no way to predict their reaction until you come out to them.

- that you have to count your relationship with yourself, too, and take a good care of it as you would a relationship with anyone else

- that as much as I thought sex was important to me, I need emotional intimacy, communication and respect a lot more. When it (sex) is there, it's just some kind of bonus that doesn't matter so much either way. When it's not, I'm not the one who will notice.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
foundations, lessons

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 10:01 PM.