Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 03-06-2011, 02:36 AM
JenAgain JenAgain is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 89
Default Is it ever too soon?

To say I love you?

I admittedly wear my heart on my sleeve. I fall in love easily, and granted that it often morphs into different types of love/relationships, it never really goes away. With the exception of one person, I still very much love (and am good friends, best with a couple even) with the people I had relationships with before I met my husband

So now here I am with J. Don't want to scare him off, but I feel this overwhelming feeling to tell him that I love him. I don't expect it in return. Don't need him to feel the same about me. There are still questions about him that I don't get, that are hard to understand. But I love him regardless. For what he brings to our family, my husband, myself. I find myself pausing and afraid to say it because I don't know if it's too soon, or too much. Then on the other hand, not telling him seems wrong too.

We've known him 3 years, this exploration into poly has been going on 2 months, of course I always felt that connection when he was here. I love the relationship him and my hubby have, and the comfort that we all have when he is here. I don't think he feels the same way about me as I do about him, that that's not what it's about for me. I have no problem telling friends that I love them, and often do, even guy friends who I don't have this connection with, but something about telling him seems so much more loaded.

I dunno... thoughts? opinions??

Tried doing a search for this, but couldn't think of the proper key words that would narrow it down any more
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 03-06-2011, 02:53 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,107
Default

My guess is that you're experiencing a rather heady euphoria right now, but I would wait to express that love until it feels a little more... grounded? Know what I mean? Revel in it for a while, enjoy the feelings, let the chemical bath you're in settle down a bit. If you say it too soon, especially since you have really just begun and are all still working things out, it could complicate things unnecessarily.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 03-06-2011, 05:49 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,086
Default

It's all a matter of opinion.
But personally, I wouldn't.

I'm friends with all of my "exes" as well. But, part of the reason is that I am, is that I respected them all as friends, not just lovers. It certainly is'nt becuase I told them I loved them.
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 03-06-2011, 01:19 PM
JenAgain JenAgain is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 89
Default

I will take your advice to heart and wait... it's so hard for me! I definitely don't want to complicate things, especially when they are going so well right now.

Thank you
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 03-06-2011, 01:57 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,489
Default

Sigh... after I had that 4way with my gf and her female friend, and my sweetie D, I so wanted to tell D I loved him when we were parting... but I didn't. I mean, I am not "in love" with D, but I sure do feel a strong fondness for him. But I am pretty sure he wouldnt have taken it well. It might make him uncomfortable. So I didnt say it. Even tho we've been seeing each other for 2 years now. I don't want to scare him.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 03-06-2011, 05:24 PM
Beodude123 Beodude123 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 69
Default

Considering that he isn't really taking the relationship aspect seriously, I'd say it's too early. I'd wait a little bit for him to open up more. Having the L bomb dropped when he is just starting to get comfortable might be too much.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 03-07-2011, 01:32 PM
PBK PBK is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 2
Default

If ou just have to say it and you think its to soon....then wait for a day when our walking him out a door and say it out loud behind the closed door mabe that would help
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 03-07-2011, 03:06 PM
Charlie Charlie is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 164
Default

Tell him you love him.

And do it lovingly.

With love.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 03-17-2011, 08:20 PM
MrFarFromRight's Avatar
MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Smack in the middle of The Spanish Revolution!
Posts: 483
Default

I'm going to swim against the current (what the hell do I know???) and agree with Charlie. If you love him and you're itching to tell him so, do it. Just do it without expectations - and let him know that as well.

There's a novel by Vonnegut where one person says to another: "I love you."
The other replies: "When you say that, I feel like you're pointing a gun at my head. What else am I allowed to reply but 'I love you, too'?"

Make sure that J knows that there's no gun.

Q: Is it ever too soon? To say I love you?
A: Better too soon than too late. (just my opinion)

p.s. I think that you and Beodude123 should invite J to read these threads. (just a crazy idea)
__________________
If I can't dance, I want no part in your Revolution.
- Emma Goldman Anarchist and Polyamorous par excellence
The person who says something is impossible should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- old Chinese proverb
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~ Anais Nin
I'd rather have a broken heart / Than have a heart of stone.
- from "Boundless Love (A Polyamory Song)" by Jimmy Hollis i Dickson
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 03-17-2011, 08:23 PM
MrFarFromRight's Avatar
MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Smack in the middle of The Spanish Revolution!
Posts: 483
Default

WHY are we all so scared of Love??? (Or of admitting it?... Or of the consequences of admitting it?)
__________________
If I can't dance, I want no part in your Revolution.
- Emma Goldman Anarchist and Polyamorous par excellence
The person who says something is impossible should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- old Chinese proverb
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~ Anais Nin
I'd rather have a broken heart / Than have a heart of stone.
- from "Boundless Love (A Polyamory Song)" by Jimmy Hollis i Dickson
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
love, self-expression

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 07:17 PM.