Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 03-08-2011, 04:52 AM
preciselove preciselove is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 83
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by bella123456 View Post
That's a big generalisation that many single mothers and single parents would find insulting.
Isn't this a big generalization itself? Speaking for many single parents now are we? Not that I mind generalizations but if you're going to criticize someone for making them...

The reality is this, in the modern world finances are required to live. If you can't properly support yourself financially due to a variety of reasons having someone that will support you and love you is an excellent reason to be with someone. In fact, one may argue it's better than someone who will only love you and not give you any money.

Just because you may find it abhorrent for people to be financially dependent on others doesn't mean it's wrong to be that way. Mothers that found someone who could take care of them financially would be able to spend more time raising their kids instead of working to provide the basics to their kids. And I think most people would agree that the more time parents can be around for their children the better.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 03-08-2011, 05:47 AM
bella123456 bella123456 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 180
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by preciselove View Post
Isn't this a big generalization itself? Speaking for many single parents now are we? Not that I mind generalizations but if you're going to criticize someone for making them...

The reality is this, in the modern world finances are required to live. If you can't properly support yourself financially due to a variety of reasons having someone that will support you and love you is an excellent reason to be with someone. In fact, one may argue it's better than someone who will only love you and not give you any money.

Just because you may find it abhorrent for people to be financially dependent on others doesn't mean it's wrong to be that way. Mothers that found someone who could take care of them financially would be able to spend more time raising their kids instead of working to provide the basics to their kids. And I think most people would agree that the more time parents can be around for their children the better.

Sure - I'll rephrase...

I'm a single mother, I find it insulting.

Of the single mothers that I know, those wonderful strong women who are raising gorgeous, well adjusted children and also managing rewarding careers as doctors, nurses, teachers, baristas and accountants...All of them would feel insulted.

I have more time with my child that many double income families...When he's at school...I'm at work..When he's at home, I'm at home.

I just want to point out it is possible to have the time & energy & resources to do it all well. It's not impossible. It's entirely possible that mothers can work to provide the basics whilst still being able to have enough time and energy to give to their kids..
And in no way do I find it abhorrent that people may be financially dependant - It's just simply not for me as it limits the choices I can make..

My main point was that targeting single mothers on the assumption they are looking for finances and someone to help with the kids could backfire reasonably often. Plenty of single mothers have that stuff worked out ok on their own ! And Happily so

Sorry for the thread hijack..
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 03-08-2011, 06:07 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,366
Default

Bella, what I found insulting was Preciselove's advice to "target" a woman. Like trying to win a prize at a carnival or something. I thought about taking the bait, decided not to, and then saw that he got you. Oh well! Let's not let one poster's sexism take the thread off-topic -- PL often hijacks others' threads to say things like that, sooner or later someone's rankled by it, and then there's a debate <sigh> ...

DayStar, a number of things came to my mind when I read your post. I think, on one hand, you would do well try not to get too caught up in finding the perfect "two women" who will fit into place in your desired scenario. On the other hand, sure, with people who are already poly, it could be easier to find two than one. BUT when you have a pre-conceived notion of what you want, sometimes you can miss other good opportunities that would make you happy as well. You may need to establish a relationship with one person before you add another. Especially since you've mostly been monogamous - maybe easing into poly is a good idea.

Since you live on a farm in a small town, I'm not sure what kind of socializing you can do, but there is online dating (OKCupid is good for poly people) and Meetup.com to find other like-minded folks. If you're into intentional communities, why not visit one and see what it's like? You can see if there are any near you here: Intentional Communities Directory. Good luck!
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

Last edited by nycindie; 03-08-2011 at 07:27 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 03-08-2011, 06:41 AM
preciselove preciselove is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 83
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by bella123456 View Post
I have more time with my child that many double income families...When he's at school...I'm at work..When he's at home, I'm at home.
Yes but house work still needs to get done, and when you come home from work you're not tired? If you're not tired I guess you have a job which isn't very taxing, I don't know how many people as a percentage can say such things about their job.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bella123456 View Post
I just want to point out it is possible to have the time & energy & resources to do it all well. It's not impossible. It's entirely possible that mothers can work to provide the basics whilst still being able to have enough time and energy to give to their kids..
And in no way do I find it abhorrent that people may be financially dependant - It's just simply not for me as it limits the choices I can make..
Sure it's not impossible to be a single parent, I never stated such a thing, and needing to point it out sounds like you are a bit insecure or touchy about it? It's simply easier if you don't have to work whilst raising children and better for your children in most cases (not all) as it means the parent can service their needs better. Your child isn't learning from you while you're at work, he's learning from other people.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bella123456 View Post
My main point was that targeting single mothers on the assumption they are looking for finances and someone to help with the kids could backfire reasonably often. Plenty of single mothers have that stuff worked out ok on their own ! And Happily so
Plenty of single mothers/parents also desperately want more help in their lives. Do you believe otherwise? People that are in desperate need of something are more willing to compromise non essential things in their life, such as monogamy.

Most people aren't born monogamous, they are taught to be it, to change such deep rooted things isn't easy for most people. The other benefit about targeting single mothers is they already have a family, which is what the poster seems to want.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 03-08-2011, 07:16 AM
bella123456 bella123456 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 180
Default

I can't see value in continuing this discussion in this thread...seems unreasonable to the original poster.

DS - I wish you luck in your search for and your creation of your own definition of family
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
dating, social

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 04:45 PM.