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  #11  
Old 03-04-2011, 05:57 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Originally Posted by Redcrow75 View Post
(sigh) and oh yeah..we don't talk on the phone...I have her number, but i have been encouraged to not use it (even though I would gladly pay long distance $$)
Not a good sign. To me this indicates that the relationship is secret and she wants to keep it that way. Just my opinion.
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  #12  
Old 03-04-2011, 06:45 PM
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she says its because she doesnt want me to spend all my money on phone calls...

i am such a big bouncy rubber-band ball of confusion right now...but still, im stubborn...im trusting her, logic be damned..
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  #13  
Old 03-04-2011, 07:21 PM
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But....the real question is....after a decade you haven't met....why?
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  #14  
Old 03-04-2011, 07:53 PM
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She sent me an email about how she felt Sunday night, and she suggested I come here simply to read and learn . . .
Hmm, so she's familiar with this forum. Perhaps she's even reading this thread. Is she a member? If not, I'd suggest she join and post here too. we're only getting your side of the tale.
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  #15  
Old 03-04-2011, 08:35 PM
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Unfortunately I responded to her news with proabably the worst possible statement: "I don't share!"

But above all else, it is foolish and arrogant on my part to just try to guess at where her epiphany actually came from. What matters is that it matters to her. But I don't know where to go from here.

I don't mean to be so dramatic.

"I don't share."

What a fucking asshole.
Hee, I just quoted some of my favourites of the stuff you wrote.

You are obviously a nice guy in love. Choosing to trust someone you love is different thing altogether to being naive.
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  #16  
Old 03-05-2011, 03:35 AM
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Maybe she isn't really doing badly in her marriage, she isn't poly but cheating with you and she is cheating with someone else also, hence disappearing on you.
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Never a one to miss an opportunity to lead a thread off-topic, I caught on this immediately. So an online -only long-distance relationship with no physical side whatsoever is cheating, too?

I'm asking because with poly being all about openness, is there a limit to how open a couple wants to become? Do you tell about every crush you have on someone, whether and especially if you have no intention to act on it? About every person you find attractive? In poly, is there such a thing as privacy?

I have been in monopractical relationships only and have openly communicated whenever I had the teeniest-tweeniest crush on someone else, and was warmly thanked for over-sharing. I was questioned why, if I had no intention of pursuing a physical relationship with these individuals, I had to make my feelings known. Well, because I want to be honest and open.

I guess this is different for every couple, but how I would describe the relationship between the original poster and his love is romantic friendship, not an affair. So, do you always and immediately want to know about any and all feelings your partner might be developing for someone else?
I think if you are poly or open there is no reason not to say whatever you want to someone else about your crush on them. Provided it is within the bounds of your relationship... the thing with Redcrows woman here is that he has not talked to her husband and does not know if she is cheating. So therefore, if the husband is assuming monogamy then she is, in fact cheating. As far as I am concerned.

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Originally Posted by Redcrow75 View Post
the "poly" lifestyle/perspective is definitely new to me and difficult to digest. And communication recently becoming so difficult with her isn't fucking helping matters. Nope, not at all. Unfortunately I responded to her news with proabably the worst possible statement: "I don't share!"
Ooh shit, that didn't go over well.
She is married and has kids, you have not spoken to her husband, she is not divorced and on her own... she is living with him and has kids with him and he has not indicated that he is not with her... she might be unhappy, but that does not say anything about what is going on for him..... find out before assuming that she is yours and making comments like "I don't share" ... you are sharing.

You might be the boyfriend, but you are secondary.... very secondary by the sounds of it. Her concern is her husband and her kids... not you.
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  #17  
Old 03-05-2011, 03:52 AM
Redcrow75 Redcrow75 is offline
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"You might be the boyfriend, but you are secondary.... very secondary by the sounds of it. Her concern is her husband and her kids... not you"
Which is the way it most certainly should be..
..yet the strange thing is, she told me very recently that (with the exception of her kids of course) i am #1..

****

thank you, everyone!!
your input has been amazing!
essential!
revelatory!
borderline transcendental, actually..and thats not bullshit.

redpepper, youve got an email waiting for you

Last edited by Redcrow75; 03-05-2011 at 03:55 AM.
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  #18  
Old 03-05-2011, 04:29 AM
lovemultiplied lovemultiplied is offline
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The thing is, if you were TRULY #1, she'd be making some significant changes in her life to make that so... or she might have made some efforts to have met you or integrated you into her life somehow, in a way more than online.

I think that you need to meet her, meet her husband... or at least TALK to either/both on the phone.

Have you ever even video chatted or skyped or whatever with her in TEN years?!? How old are her kids now? Etc etc...
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