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  #71  
Old 03-06-2011, 10:17 PM
disillusioned disillusioned is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
What a blanket statement. None of the therapists my hubs and I ever went to ever said any of that. Maybe yours did, but it's ridiculous to state that most do, across the board. Come on now!
Great, more progress! Can you share what your therapists did advise you? By the way, maybe if they would... your relationships would become better? Now knowing what you know, what do you feel they should have told you?
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  #72  
Old 03-06-2011, 10:44 PM
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Great, more progress! Can you share what your therapists did advise you? By the way, maybe if they would... your relationships would become better? Now knowing what you know, what do you feel they should have told you?
You are exhausting.
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  #73  
Old 03-06-2011, 11:05 PM
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Originally Posted by disillusioned View Post
Great!! NOW we're talking!

1) The fact that I ask "what am I wrong about?" doesn't mean that I think that everything I said is right. I was asking you seriously which of my ideas or statements you see as wrong.

2) 99%.... come on, you know what I mean.

But most importantly:

3) Again we are talking about orientations - gay, straight, poly, mono... the problem with this is that a monogamous lifestyle is not simply an orientation - it assumes many more things than simply a preference.

It assumes two people living together in the same space. It assumes sharing a bed, it assumes exclusive sexual relations and exclusive emotional relations, it assumes many physical and emotional borders, rules and regulation which shape your entire reality!

if you are gay then... you are gay! That's it! You are attracted to the same sex... cool! It's just your preference. That preference will shape how your life will look like, but still in accordance to the "higher" constructions.

Monogamy is on a completely different level of consequences... it related to how our reality is organized in the most basic way.

Of course gay couples still suffer from the same problems that straight couples suffer from... because it doesn't matter who the two people in the relationship are. The problem is with the nature of relationships THEMSELVES. With the idea that we "MUST" spend most if not ALL free time together. That we should be jealous of each other. That we need to spend vacations together. That we shouldn't flirt, shouldn't have sex with others, etc etc etc.


Do we understand each other better now?
Step back for a second and see the big picture.

You are on a board that focuses on non-monagomy. It's members are either passionate practitioners or supporters of non-monagomy.

Yet, your ideas have no currency here.

What's the problem? It certainly has nothing to do with comfort with the idea of non-monagomy.

My view is that it has to do with the assertion (both explicit and implicit) that monagomy is wrong, unnatural or both. This stand is something that the majority of us reject. It is indeed wrong for me. But, I can't proclaim that it is wrong for you or 99% of the population.

If you want to change the world, you'll have to find paths to influence that don't seem to be part of your current toolkit. Any leader of revolution requires those influence tools.
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  #74  
Old 03-06-2011, 11:09 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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You are exhausting.
Disillusioned thinks he's here to give us free therapy.
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  #75  
Old 03-06-2011, 11:37 PM
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This thread is like a trainwreck. Every time I look at it, my eyebrow lifts a little farther.

Here's my thought on where the error of your statements is;

The pendulum was swung one direction (monogamy only) and you are seeking to send it flying the other way. EVEN IF the "majority" of the population is genetically created for poly, the fact that it's "majority" implies the obvious fact that there's someone who is not.

Furthermore, as Mono has stated in this thread as well as MANY others MANY TIMES before, you can't convince the MAJORITY of people to change their behavior to your way of doing things by forcing your thoughts down their throat violently. Whether that violence is how you communicate or physical abuse or whatever doesn't matter.

What matters is that age old statement, "actions speak louder than words". It doesn't much matter what you SAY, it's about what you DO. If you want people to see the benefit of changing, then SHOW THEM the benefits by leading the happy, fulfilling life that they long for and when they ASK YOU how you did it, that's the time to gently explain your methodology.

If you piss them off before you even get to your point, you've wasted the effort.
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  #76  
Old 03-07-2011, 12:19 AM
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Wow.

Disillusioned, I think you are failing to fully realize that people have free will. Yes, most "civilized" cultures encourage monogamy and often present it as the only option. However, all people have a choice as to how they want their relationships to be and who they want them to be with. Societal norms and conditioning can have a big part in how we make these choices, but we are not robots.

I think it is great that you have this viewpoint and you want everyone to benefit from the knowledge you have gained. BUT, forcing it down people's throats is not the way to go about getting the word out there.

Also, read in a few of your posts on this thread that you cite monogamous couples having sex infrequently. Well I am no expert but I am sure their are some polyamourous people who do not have sex every day, or maybe have sex "once a month." This can have to do with many factors, some of which could be children, long distance relationships, an extremely busy career, etc..
I do hear you about how people can get bored with each other or complacent, and I think that is true. However, I think that can happen in any relationship, whether it be monogamous, poly, sexual, platonic, whatever.

Also, polyamory is not really about sex. It is about love.
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Last edited by ladyintricate; 03-07-2011 at 12:22 AM.
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  #77  
Old 03-07-2011, 12:35 AM
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I average more than 25 times a month with Maca, and that's been pretty consistent throughout our 12 year marriage barring times when there was medical problems inhibiting it...
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  #78  
Old 03-07-2011, 12:53 AM
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
I average more than 25 times a month with Maca, marriage barring times when there was medical problems inhibiting it...
Damn!!
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  #79  
Old 03-07-2011, 03:58 AM
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Oh whatever Mono! I would not be overly surprised to find out you have us beat!

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  #80  
Old 03-07-2011, 08:13 AM
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sigh - in the third year of our LDR

JEALOUS.... but we'll make up for it LOL
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