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  #131  
Old 03-08-2011, 11:33 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Originally Posted by disillusioned View Post
According to you, nobody should say that "Racism is wrong" because he might be offending someone.

I'm young, enthusiastic and maybe provocative but I truly did not mean to offend anybody. If I did offend anyone, I apologize.

Happy Women's Day to all you girls out there
I actually would disagree that according to me, nobody should say anything, racism being wrong or monogamy being wrong either.
According to me, if you choose to say certain things in certain avenues, you can predict the responses of the people who hear you quite easily.
And
According to me, if you choose to say things in a manner that will predictablly illicit defensiveness or anger from the people you are speaking to; it would be silly to expect anything but defensiveness or anger in their responses.



I think being young (or old) and enthusiastic is wonderful. Furthermore, I have a strong tendency to be provocative and "set people off" with my ideas as well. It's something that over time I've learned is often counterproductive to my goals, purpose and intentions. Therefore, I've made a concerted effort to figure out what does work to "get what I want" started.
One of the biggest is a willingness to put ones own thoughts/words/goals on "pause" so that I can acknowledge the concerns or seeming defensiveness of my listeners first. That way I keep their attention (in a positive way), increase their interest in what I might have to say and in the long run make it more likely that they will consider what I want seriously and sincerely.
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Last edited by redpepper; 03-09-2011 at 03:13 AM.
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  #132  
Old 03-08-2011, 11:47 PM
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Originally Posted by Charlie View Post
I am a big fan of being polite; I find that it is hard to disregard a polite person.
.......

In the last few months I have made two incredible new friends, a married, monogamous gay couple, who adopted two kids a few years ago. The adoption was the first of its kind in their home state, requiring much legal hoop jumping and many lawyers, and was furthermore financed in part by the Catholic Church. The stipulation from the Church was that they could not go to the media. They agreed. Even wrote a nice thank you letter to the Pope, who did not respond.

Quite revolutionary. Quiet revolutionary. No big press conference, but who cares? There are now two beautiful children being raised up in a solid, loving, respectful, educated family. A more tolerant family. A 21st century family.

The revolution is already happening, one healthy relationship at a time.

But it will take time.

Quality takes time.
Love it Charlie, totally beautiful story!

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Originally Posted by River View Post
I like D's fire. I feel some of that myself, and I'm glad to have well reasoned water for my fire around, as in the case of Charlie's cooling comments. We need a fire, but not too hot a fire -- nor too swift. But not too slow, either. These discussions help us regulate the temperature.
That ironically-was my point. I know you have on a number of occasions brought up the need to step in and work on these issues. There is a LOT of us who agree with that here I think. Just a matter of all of us being respectful and understanding enough of each other to manage to make some plans and then execute them. First, we gotta accept one another's differences and then try to understand each others perspectives so that we can each do the steps that we're able, which in turn will together accomplish the work.
Sort of like the parts of a car. Each part is necessary, each does it's own "little job" and together they make the car run.

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Originally Posted by disillusioned View Post
I'm sorry, I don't get it. I didn't want to write "happay women's day to all women" because it doesn't sound right, so I used "girls".
That word is generally used for younger females in the U.S. though I don't know about other places. But, the bigger issue is that it's often used in a negative manner to suggest that women are "lesser" than men in society (kind of like nigger or faggot). So, a lot of women get defensive about it, ESPECIALLY if they are at all involved in the revolution of feminism.

Ironically-you've gotten the ears of a number of "revolutionaries" here. Just gotta work on the "getting to know each other" part that I described above.


I am glad to see that everyone seems to be working towards that now. That's awesome!
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Last edited by redpepper; 03-09-2011 at 03:16 AM.
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  #133  
Old 03-09-2011, 12:13 PM
disillusioned disillusioned is offline
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girls = nigger? Wow... is there a list of not PC words that I should read?

I just want to say that this discussion that I had with myself really helped me conceptualize a lot on this topic. Thanks :-)

Also, I read Penny's introduction post as I said, and I told myself what a nice/wild/ beautiful story... and then looked at the comments and discovered that there were only a handful of replies. Only 2 people gave any kind of compliment.

That thread was read 386 times. It is now on page 10 of the "introduction" category, you can find it there and check.

Now go back to my comment about how people (IMO) are unable to be happy for others / selfish / jealous of each other / unwilling to share with each other wisdom, etc. That's my experience and I'm not saying everybody is like that.... just an observation.

Penny said "I'm the luckiest person in the world". Who wants to hear something like that... right? Not most people.

I'm really happy for you Penny!

Last edited by disillusioned; 03-09-2011 at 12:20 PM.
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  #134  
Old 03-10-2011, 12:57 AM
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Originally Posted by disillusioned View Post
girls = nigger? Wow... is there a list of not PC words that I should read?
Not in all areas or to all people. But, at times, yes. For me, no. But, that's not the point is it?

A list? Nah, it's just part of meeting people in the world. In some parts of the U.S. calling a man "black" is just as offensive. Others if you call a man "African-American" it's equally offensive. It just depends.

You take your chances, apologize when offense is taken and keep riding the waves.

As for the intro page... I don't look at it. I didn't even look at it when I was a "newbie". The large majority of "views" on that page are from people who aren't on the board. The large majority of people who create an actual login post on the general, new to poly and blogs pages. Just something I've noticed, no idea why.

As for being the happiest person on earth-that's awesome Penny! Congrats! I for sure do like to hear such stories. On the blog page there are several threads just about happy stories, maybe you would share yours there too?
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  #135  
Old 03-10-2011, 01:12 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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I am offended on behalf of all the monogamous people who are happily fucking their brains out. Including my parents until my father died.

you can find just as many, if not more, disillusioned, non-monogamous people who tried it and it just didn't work for them.

The day there is one mold that fits all, is the day I become bored with .. well whatever it is that mold fits. Thank god it just ain't that simple.

I'm with mono... there is no true relationship structure. There are just relationships, what you make of them that makes you happy is your business. Preaching like this should be left for church...
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  #136  
Old 03-10-2011, 04:29 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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EEK Ari, if we have to have that type of preaching in church can I skip the service?????

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  #137  
Old 03-10-2011, 11:59 AM
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I am perfectly fine with the responses to my intro thread. I didn't expect as many as I got as the intro threads usually don't get a lot of responses. I've received a very warm reception in the rest of the forum.

I come here to gain wisdom from those who've traveled this road before me, and to offer what I've learned where I think it will help.

I'm sure my story would garner more attention if I were to blog about it, but I've been so busy living, I haven't found the time. People have started asking questions here and there, so I should probably start one.

That would probably be the best place to answer disillusioned's questions as I don't want to hijack this thread. I think there are many important points on this topic we could still discuss here.

Until Sunday or so I have more things to do than I have time to do them in, so a blog probably won't be happening before then. In the meantime, I return you to your regularly scheduled thread.

Though I should mention that I'm still the luckiest woman on the planet and I am ridiculously happy. I should blog just in case my experiences can help others be so happy in their relationships.
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  #138  
Old 03-10-2011, 12:28 PM
bella123456 bella123456 is offline
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Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
.. there is no true relationship structure. There are just relationships, what you make of them that makes you happy is your business...
Yes.
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  #139  
Old 03-10-2011, 03:41 PM
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@penny- please share in the "sharing success and happiness" sticky in the blog section, if you will. Its a great place to be positive. Often we get stories of doom and pain and that thread was created to remind us of the good stuff.
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  #140  
Old 03-12-2011, 08:51 PM
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Originally Posted by disillusioned View Post
You know, there is another thing I don't get about monogamism ... from what I understand about American calture, during college and High School, people "go out" "not exclusive" with each other... in other words, its perfectly fine then to "bang" with a few people in the same time and its totally OK (and of course be in an emotional connection too with all of them, at least I hope... I'm using the word bang just to be funny again) anyway... so in college its totally OK but then once you are out of college ... game over, it becomes borderline illegal.

What's the story with that?
I was just thinking on this the other day.
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