|
#1
03-17-2011, 06:15 PM
|
|||
|
|||
Potential Poly vs Mono problems
I lieu of recent situations in my own life, I wanted to pose a hypothetical scenario, and if anyone has experienced the situation, see how they have dealt with it.
Say you have been in a monogamous relationship for a year +. You are not looking to be poly or looking for another partner. But then you fall in love with someone else who loves you back, and find that you are still very much in love with your current partner. You realize that you do not want to have to choose, because each love is unique and special in itself and you don't want to lose either. You do some research, discover the idea of polyamory and realize that it is ok to be in love with two people. You discus that possibility with your current partner, but he/she is really not ok with anything but monogamy. Since you feel that your primary responsibility is with your partner, you decide to stay monogamous. How do you handle this? Last edited by SaintAugust; 03-17-2011 at 06:24 PM. 
|
|
#2
03-17-2011, 06:44 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Well, you would have a couple of options.
1. Decide to stay monogamous so you can be with that person. Possible pitfalls include feeling resentment, restricted, suppressing your emotions etc 2. You can break up with said person on the basis that you want two different things. This way you would be free to be polyamorous but you would have to end the relationship with that person. 3. You and that person could try to make a poly/mono relationship work and there are many discussions, blogs and people on here that have lots of experience with that. Mono, Sage and Vodkafan for starters. (I'm sure I'm forgetting someone!) Plenty of people (including me) never went looking for poly, it just fell into their laps. You must consider if you need to be poly in order to be happy. If it turns out that being with that mono person is so amazing and you're kind of ambivalent about poly, and you know that staying with that person is going to be fulfilling to you....then maybe you would choose to stay. But consider if you love that person dearly but now that you feel poly, you don't think you can happily be monogamous, then maybe you have to move on. Ultimately, it's about what decision will best suit your needs long term.
|
|
#3
03-17-2011, 08:47 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
@ray- um me? This person is saying he has discovered he is poly, not mono with a poly. Other way around, although the members you suggested are awesome and well worth reading about. However, seeing as this is a forum for poly people, you have come to the right place SA. I would suggest reading some threads about the situation you are in. If you do a search for "mono/poly" or the lilke, you will have no trouble finding info. Ray has some very good points there however. I agree with all of them myself.
__________________
|
|
#4
03-17-2011, 08:51 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
__________________
. Independent solo polyamorist seeking lover-friends willing to invest in friendship, companionship, and love, but without a need for partnership. Never confuse commitment with exclusivity, love with ownership, nor sex with intimacy! For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.
|
|
#5
03-18-2011, 03:48 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I made a mess of it.
That's what I did when I figured out I was in love with my best friend and my husband. (2001) Created a nightmare from hell. Still cleaning up the mess. 
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
|
|
#7
03-18-2011, 06:19 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
__________________
Smile! It makes people wonder what you've been up to  Engaged to my sweetheart, WaterWolf my blog (non-poly) Pearls & Pixiedust
|
|
#8
03-19-2011, 05:38 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Let's face it. If you know you are poly, and decide to stay monogamous despite another love in your life for the sake of protecting your primary relationship, what is going to happen the next time you fall for someone else?
More heartbreak to pass around?
__________________
"Resentment destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stems the root of our spiritual disease." "In dealing with resentments, we set them on paper - list people, institutions and principles with whom you are angry. Ask yourself why you are angry." "In most cases it was found out that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships, including sex, were hurt or threatened. We were sore, burnt-up." Alcoholics Anonymous, 64-65.
|
 |
| Thread Tools | |
| Display Modes | |
|
|
You definitely have a wealth of experience on this topic.
Linear Mode
