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  #91  
Old 03-16-2011, 05:02 PM
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Penny Penny is offline
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Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
DH, she IS still your wife... Have you thought about having her "committed" to a psychiatric medical facility for a 72-hour evaluation? Basically, you petition the court to determine whether she is a danger to herself/others. If someone is "suicidal", that meets the criteria for "danger to self".

I really think it's time for you to get the professionals involved. From what you have shared, it sounds like you can afford the necessary doctors, lawyers, and court fees. Insurance would probably cover some or all of the hospitalization costs.

This thread is venturing beyond the scope of what this forum is here for. This is not a forum for family crisis intervention and YOU, my friend, have a family crisis.

Please get professional help ASAP.
This. Totally this.

You have to worry about the effect her mental breakdown and possible suicide could have on your children.

You don't need to forgive or feel any compassion, understanding, or goodwill toward your wife, but she must get her shit together because if she explodes any worse than she already has, it could devastate your kids in the long run.
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  #92  
Old 03-16-2011, 05:08 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by Penny View Post
This. Totally this.

You have to worry about the effect her mental breakdown and possible suicide could have on your children.

You don't need to forgive or feel any compassion, understanding, or goodwill toward your wife, but she must get her shit together because if she explodes any worse than she already has, it could devastate your kids in the long run.
Besides, you probably do still love your wife underneath all this grief and drama. When you two got married, did you say anything in your vows about standing by each other "through sickness and health"? Now is the time to decide if you meant that for real, because your wife is SICK and she needs HELP. Even if you don't love her anymore or if you didn't take a marriage vow about sickness/health, help your wife get help for your childrens' sake, like penny said.
  #93  
Old 03-16-2011, 06:01 PM
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Carma Carma is offline
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I just had a thought -- your daughter saw pictures; she did not actually witness these acts. Could it be presented the same as if someone were acting in a horror movie -- I mean, the actor who portrays Freddy Krueger, his kids don't think he is a homicidal maniac, they understand he was playing a role.

Even the e-mails -- words, a script, role-playing.

Yes, graphic and disturbing. Freddy's movies are very bloody and horrible -- to think he was actually doing these horrific acts! But it was not REAL.

What is real to your daughter is the love her mother has shown her, her whole life. Their relationship was not about the relationship/role playing she was doing. Even if it was simultaneous, it had nothing to do with their mother-daughter relationship.

The prev. post was SPOT ON about letting your child love the other parent... My ex is a sexual deviant who molested and assaulted my daughter's best friend 6 years ago when they were 17. My two younger daughters (14 and 15, now) have been told, but the 15-year old refuses to believe a word of it. She still invites her beautiful friends over to his house to spend the night. My 14-year old is a bit more wary, and tends to believe her dad is a little creepy. I am waiting for them to see the light, on their own. (I only pray that another girl does not get hurt. I tried. I even warn the girls' parents, any chance I get. Unfortunately he and his wife present a pretty enough picture, and I guess the parents see me as a "scorned ex wife" or something.) When I get too aggressive in my cautioning, they get defensive of him, and it backfires. Bottom line: kids have the right to love their parents.

I'm glad you are managing to keep it together, DH. I hear you talk of making dinner and helping with homework, and going to concerts and spring break.... I think that is the best you can do for right now. Yor daughter will immerse herself in her friends at school -- for most girls her age, that will take a precedence over anything her dumb parents are doing, anyway
  #94  
Old 03-16-2011, 07:01 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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penny

thanks ....I have not answer my kids questions with any hate...mostly I say I don't know ? because I don't really know outside of what we have speculated on here. Again I had a very strict warning not to spew anything toward either of them.

I was concerned for her safety and possible injury to her self which is why I had one of my employee's take her and her car 200miles to her sisters. She did say in the early after math some shit about killing her self....true feelings... who knows
I do know some time after all this started she deleted all the emails and photo's not suicidal then still working damage control.

As to her current condition its hard to assess. With out making lots of inquiries and I don't know if she's really interested in me or my participation in this. What is/has been fuckboy's role now? His slave his problem.

I feel fairly gutted.....not much feeling for her at all ....good or bad ....nothing...that could be worse.

I do want her to get well enough to call her some of those names.... that might be interesting. And not in a venomous way.... more of a everyday light hearted way. Good morning Asswhore sleep well..... you have a spot of ketchup on your mouth cunt .....something like that. Or ask her what is the actual cleaning procedure for all her cunts and the inspection position ....love to see that or hear the answers.

Do you know what a nervous break down means?.... From what I'm getting its kind of a catch all. Haven't heard any suicide talk recently

Thanks D
  #95  
Old 03-16-2011, 07:23 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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What does "nervous breakdown" mean????

If she was vomiting blood wouldn't you bring her to the hospital?

Well, your wife - the mother of your children - is mentally vomiting blood.

You do whatcha gotta do buddy. I can't stand reading about this shit anymore.
  #96  
Old 03-16-2011, 07:28 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Dinged, the things she did to you in your relationship are separate from the things she did with him. Be mad about how she treated you, not about the acts she participated in with him. If your daughter had never discovered this, and your wife had been respectful of you, you may never have known what she was doing with her boyfriend. That has a lot to do with why people here have been trying to explain it. But her treatment of you, with lies and deception and disregarding her family, was not right.

And it is possible that at some point what might have started out as lighthearted play between her and her boyfriend became some form of control and abuse of her. Though it seems she was willing, she may not have felt she had a choice. She could have been victimized or they took the acts too far beyond what she could handle, hence a breakdown afterward. That's why I referred you to Hedda Nussbaum's story.

A nervous breakdown has many meanings. It's not a clinical term. According to Wikipedia, "Mental breakdown (also known as a nervous breakdown) is a non-medical term used to describe an acute, time-limited phase of a specific disorder . . . with features of depression or anxiety." Often there are outside stressors that provoke it, or possible mental illness. I have a lot of experience with close family members having nervous breakdowns and mental illnesses. Though what they did was often hurtful to me, their mental states dictated their behaviors, and thus required compassion from me. Compassion. Very difficult but necessary.
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Last edited by nycindie; 03-16-2011 at 07:33 PM.
  #97  
Old 03-16-2011, 07:35 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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neonkaos

I thought she might want to check herself into such a place....my involvement now is difficult on several levels.

I'm confused by the change in postings from bdsm good clean/dirty fun nothing to be ashamed of .....to she clearly sick and needs help.

Insurance is good and covers such things...money not that big and issue....except don't know if I feel like paying ....his slave his problem ..his bill

" Still love underneath the grief and drama" big assumption...I really want to be left alone....

Her care is in very good hands her sister..who has a medical background and works with in that field. Does she know the truth of this I'm not completely sure. She may not know the entire picture which may hamper in the recovery effort. The sister is fairly religious so it maybe hard to share with her. What I mean is hard for my wife to share with her...I have no problem sharing....even over sharing

Are you the one who brought up the marriage vows last week? Yes I 'm sure sickness and health was in there. I haven't filed for divorce yet. Don't remember anything about forcing psych exam... Its kind of funny that several months in poly I started thinking about our marriage vows and what they meant. I even mentioned it to my wife to get her thoughts.

Thanks D
  #98  
Old 03-16-2011, 07:50 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
neonkaos

I thought she might want to check herself into such a place....my involvement now is difficult on several levels.

I'm confused by the change in postings from bdsm good clean/dirty fun nothing to be ashamed of .....to she clearly sick and needs help.
I don't recall ever making a post defending BDSM as "good clean/dirty fun". So there was no "change" in my postings. I am not in control over what other people have posted.

Having said that - While BDSM CAN be "good clean/dirty fun", if someone is mentally/emotionally unhealthy, BDSM is not going to help them GET healthy. Someone has already said that it could have started out as "good clean/dirty fun" but became something else later. Some people start off drinking alcohol because they have "fun" and down the road they've become a full-blown alcoholic putting their and other people's well-being at grave risk.

Furthermore, at first your thread was about "daughter discovers mother's poly". This is NOT about "daughter discovers mother's poly". This is about "mother is going crazy and father is fixated on what she did with boyfriend". Please get your head out of your ass like, YESTERDAY.

Quote:

Insurance is good and covers such things...money not that big and issue....except don't know if I feel like paying ....his slave his problem ..his bill

" Still love underneath the grief and drama" big assumption...I really want to be left alone....
Ok, so you don't love her and you don't want to be with her. Then don't help her and don't pay. It's your life, not mine. I don't really give a crap what you decide to do.

Quote:

Are you the one who brought up the marriage vows last week? Yes I 'm sure sickness and health was in there.
No, I brought it up just today.


Quote:
I haven't filed for divorce yet. Don't remember anything about forcing psych exam... Its kind of funny that several months in poly I started thinking about our marriage vows and what they meant. I even mentioned it to my wife to get her thoughts.
I wonder why people don't think about their marriage vows and what they mean BEFORE they get married, instead of waiting until "several months into poly". By the way, your marriage is NOT "poly". It's "dysfunctional".

I don't think you're listening to what anyone on here is saying because everytime someone writes something, you reply the SAME WAY. That is what it is, but this forum is NOT A FAMILY CRISIS INTERVENTION CENTER.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 03-16-2011 at 07:54 PM.
  #99  
Old 03-16-2011, 07:59 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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nyicindie and noekaos

wow you guys are fast...my damn phone keeps ringing

We aren't sure of the mental blood thing yet. At least I haven't been told that.

If I was told of that and ask to step in I would most certainly do that you all the reasons you have outlined....not there yet.

I get what your saying about how it could have spiraled out of control and compassion. However they made one mistake that makes that harder.... mentioning me in the emails... She was instructed to meet or something and she said she didn't think it would work because of me... He then blustered a bit and then said "he's lucky I don't make him my bitch" to which it further deteriorated blah blah.... Eye to eye not going to happen... he most likely wet himself. Its actually quite funny ....and he and I will have a conversation about it and some of the other emails.

Thanks D
  #100  
Old 03-16-2011, 08:05 PM
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Penny Penny is offline
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Dingedheart, you are seeing contradictions where none exist and manufacturing arguments and conflict in an irrational manner.

BDSM can be just clean/dirty fun. It is not, in itself, a symptom of mental illness. It can be subject to abuse, if the parties involved are irresponsible.

Pretty much any activity in conjunction with mental illness can be taken in an unhealthy direction.
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