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  #81  
Old 02-17-2010, 04:38 PM
polytriad polytriad is offline
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Hello,

I think your parents will come around. They have to because you are their child and they HAVE to love you. I would say give them some time. My parents did not approve of my relationship either but I cut them off because I wasnt going to let them take away from my happiness,,,and you know what happened? They reached out to me. I was content with staying inside my OWN family and if they could come around then they meant they was hurting themselves by not being in my live. So hang in there!
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  #82  
Old 02-17-2010, 07:52 PM
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Thank you polytriad. I appreciate your words of wisdom on this. They give me hope.
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  #83  
Old 03-23-2010, 07:24 AM
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So it's been a couple of monthes since I wrote on here, but there has been some good news and I like to try and spread that around too.

My parents went on a trip to Hawaii this last month for two weeks. It was during the olympics and while they were there there was an earth quake in south America that caused a tzunami in hawaii.

So, the thing was not a biggy really, but to my dramatic mother these things are ALWAYS a big deal and she fussed greatly.... called me several times, worried frantically, the whole bit. I was in Vancouver taking in the games a bit and my brother lives there, so we were able to be together as we waited for the emergency to pass. It all was okay and nothing came of it, but it changed things a bit I think.

When they came back they made a bee line to our house to celebrate Nerdists birthday. He didn't invite them and was not expecting them, but they invited themselves and helped make homemade pizza with our family..... and Mono was there!!!! They were relaxed and chatty and very friendly toward him!

It has been several weeks now and we have gotten back into having afternoon tea on Sundays again. my mum has said a few things that are on the verge on an apology in terms of mentioning that she sometimes flies off the handle and screws things up, that she knows I don't trust her anymore, etc. she has been very careful not to ask personal questions as has my dad and both of them keep their distance and haven't gotten back into calling or dropping by every night without being announced.

It's baby steps and I still find myself being quiet about what I am doing in my life, but I have also taken to heart their worry that I don't have a strong relationship with my boy and have been working hard at finding things he and I like to do together.

So there it is.... I'm keeping my fingers crossed and being very careful... but it's a step in a positive direction.
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  #84  
Old 03-23-2010, 12:52 PM
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Wow that really does sound like some positive movement. Glad it is happening for you!
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  #85  
Old 03-24-2010, 03:25 PM
booklady78 booklady78 is offline
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Thank you so much for sharing this RP. With everything I'm going through with my Dad right now, this gives me hope.
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  #86  
Old 03-24-2010, 09:48 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
It's baby steps and I still find myself being quiet about what I am doing in my life, but I have also taken to heart their worry that I don't have a strong relationship with my boy and have been working hard at finding things he and I like to do together.

So there it is.... I'm keeping my fingers crossed and being very careful... but it's a step in a positive direction.
Awesome RP

Time seems to cure a lot of things doesn't it ? If we can just hang on !

GS
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  #87  
Old 03-29-2010, 05:13 AM
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Booklady made me think I should give a little up date.... as inspiration to her and hopefully others.

So I decided that the way to make change in my relationship with my parents was to call them once a week and if possible arrange to see them once a week. We seem to of worked this out to be for Sunday afternoon tea. My parents are Welsh and this suite them fine. "Tea" has always bonded us together. It is a memory from my childhood that has carried us into the present as a good and relaxing time together.

The other thing I have been doing is to make plans with them that are inspired by us rather than them. It seems that if they make the plans then if we need to change them or have our own agenda for whatever reason that they become controlling and sometimes unreasonable. It's almost as if, when we make the plans, we are the hosts to the occasion and what we say goes and therefore they feel they can sit back and we will take care of things... does that make sense?

Anyway, today I called my mum as it's the end of the week and this is the day I call. I asked what the plan is for Easter, if any, to which she replied there isn't one. My brother isn't coming to visit from out of town, so it will just be us in town. I suggested we have a potluck supper next Sunday for Easter. My mum asked where... I said that it depended if Mono was welcome at their house an my mum said with a shrugging kind of voice, "sure, what the heck."

bingo, she is giving up her fight little by little.

It will be the first time he has been to there house since last August. Really, what is the point of her holding on to her arguments, he isn't going away. My relationship with her is recovering to a point where we do not discuss thing that trigger us, but at least can be in each others lives...
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  #88  
Old 03-29-2010, 06:09 PM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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I was talking with my husband last night about coming out to family. I'm not ready to come out to my family yet, they are a fairly religious bunch. My husband on the other hand thinks it may be time to tell his parents. It would make things a lot easier on us if they knew. His parents live fairly close by and have been picking up on things that aren't exactly typical. So it may just be better to tell them what is actually going on rather than having them make up stories in their heads.

Your story gives me hope that even if we don't get acceptance right away that there is a chance that they will slowly warm up to the idea.

We were joking about making a drinking game out of it by making a list of things that we think they will say and taking a drink (or better yet having them take a drink) every time they say one of them.

I hope you have an awesome Easter dinner with all of your family.

-Derby
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  #89  
Old 03-29-2010, 06:16 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Quote:
The other thing I have been doing is to make plans with them that are inspired by us rather than them. It seems that if they make the plans then if we need to change them or have our own agenda for whatever reason that they become controlling and sometimes unreasonable. It's almost as if, when we make the plans, we are the hosts to the occasion and what we say goes and therefore they feel they can sit back and we will take care of things... does that make sense?
Yep! I was thinking "well you are the host/hostess then" just before I read that line! Yep, makes GREAT sense!

Quote:
My mum asked where... I said that it depended if Mono was welcome at their house an my mum said with a shrugging kind of voice, "sure, what the heck."
EXCELLENT!!! Patience is winning. Good job on all of your parts for being patience and diligent about being true to yourselves!! I know it wasn't easy RP-but you are finally getting to the meat that makes it all worth it!
I hope your Easter is GREAT!
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  #90  
Old 03-29-2010, 07:13 PM
confidence confidence is offline
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This is an excellent story and one that I'm sooo glad is being shared. I was lucky enough to be someone whose one parent was very supportive regarding my relationships. My boyfriend was not so lucky but his family was not as much hostile as ambivelant. I know this is not always the case though and the positive story should go a long ways to inspiring others who may encounter problems. Patience and honesty is the best anyone can ask for and I really believe that in most cases, when you act in that way, most people will cone around.

I hope your dinner is excellent and the understanding between you all continues to grow.

<3

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