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  #71  
Old 12-01-2009, 01:26 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I'm moved RP by how well thought out your post is. It sounds like you are really growing again through this new dynamic (of being "out" to your family). That's not easy for sure-but it's good anyway.

I'm proud of you for standing up for what you believe is right for you AND for caring that it's hard not only for you and your chosen family-but also your bio-family. Only they can choose what their next course of action will be. But you have shown that you have fortitude and a great big heart and those two things are WONDERFUL!

I do understand exactly what you mean about the loss. I'm very close with my family. they didn't react like yours-if they did that owuld be very hard. GG was also very close to his family and they flat cut him off. So he's lost them completely from his life. Fortunately mine (and Maca's) has pulled him in. He's still going to grieve the loss of his, but he's not going to do it alone.

I hope your family in time learns to accept all of you for who you are, as you are.

XO!
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  #72  
Old 12-01-2009, 03:40 AM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
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RP...you are one strong, independent gal! You've got more guts, heart and love than just about any women I've had the chance to converse with in my 52 years....and yes you and the rest of us will struggle til the day we die to become fully independent from our parents. It is the curse of us children!

Of course, our parents view it quite differently.....as my wife and I were throwing around the idea of having kids about 22 years ago, I nonchalantly took a poll of about 100 of my patients during that year. The results? 99% in favor of their having had kids......99% preferred having had boys. I had two, thank my lucky stars! The real honest, sharpest response I had was from a 78 yo Jewish grandmother, when I asked her to describe what it was like to have kids...her response? "It's eternal!" She reminded me that she worried every day about her children and their children and would, no matter how old they were....... til the day she died.

You've done everything you can to help your family understand, RP.......unfortunately some older generations, or more conservative types can't wrap their heads around many of today's lifestyle choices, not just ours. Some Jewish families, can't embrace the new Catholic wife, some ethnic tribes will never recognize anyone who marries outside their clan. You can't live your one and only life to please everyone else at the expense of your own life or love, or happiness. And there are just way too many dysfunctional people out there who haved lived long, painful, unhappy lives the old traditional way....and expect us to, too! I'm sorry, but my one life to live is mine, not theirs.

You are a great mother and wife, from what I've read....... and lover, too (well...... I'm taking certain people's word on that!) It certainly hurts to know that our old families may shun or disown us, but remember....You have started your own chain, your new family with your husband, your son and now Mono.....at some point all of our older family will be gone anyway and we'll have only our "new" family left around us. Isn't it quite comforting to know that you've laid out such a great foundation for the rest of your life? You have another half life to live, atleast. Enjoy it, with the people you love, who have the chance to live it and share it with you. Certainly you will miss your old family members, or your old way of life, surely as you will when they pass on to the big old spaceship in the sky!

I know this can't make it all better for you, but hugs to you and your own new clan.
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  #73  
Old 12-01-2009, 08:12 AM
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Thanks Mark and LR for your kind words. I am actually doing rather well in all this, even if it is a sad realization. It's also rather freeing I have learned how important it is to stand up for what I think is right for me in a quiet, solid kind of way. Hard for me to do at times as I am passionate, but important. Sometimes its just best to let time take it's course and tie oneself to the mast to get through it all.

Nice to see you are around Mark... it's been awhile and I hope things are well. Drop me a line and tell me your news?
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  #74  
Old 02-12-2010, 08:36 PM
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OMG.
Red Pepper, this is so horrible. I can't say how sorry I am.

I've been reading all of the old posts, and have not been commenting on them, but I had to say this is more awful than I could imagine. My parents were very loving people and it seems so horribly wrong that THEY would be the ones doing this to you.

You son is a very fortunate young man. You all have my most profound sympathies.

Rick
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  #75  
Old 02-13-2010, 06:37 AM
FitChick FitChick is offline
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You are a very courageous woman RP,and I thank you for sharing this with us. Although I am late in reading this thread, I felt I had to post and offer my support to you,because you have been through some incredible emotional pain yet still show strength and determination to be true to yourself,the men in your life and of course your son. You rock!!
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  #76  
Old 02-13-2010, 04:54 PM
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  #77  
Old 02-13-2010, 08:40 PM
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Not much has changed with all that is going on. I am staying really quiet lately in light of the polygamy law that is up for debate in Canada. I don't want them finding out about it and using it against me.

I think at this point they are trying to keep their distance and not ask questions. It's sort of a respect for our space thing. Which is fine with me.

Yesterday Mono picked me up for our Valentine's date. I stood outside with a bouquet of flowers and my over night bag. My dad drove by in the car with my son, as he had picked him up for school and took him to their house to watch the opening of the olympics, eat some supper and have him over night. He pullded over and said nothing. Just opened the car window so I could say hi to my boy and give him a kiss and chat. My dad looked me up and down like I was a street worker waiting for a John. I was jolly enough, cause really what else could I be, and told them to have fun and enjoy the olympics. He shut the window without a word and drove off. I had, yet again, that feeling of a golf ball stuck in my throat. I have that a lot with them where my son is concerned.

Ya, not much has changed. It's silent judgement now. I try to tell myself that is better... but really I want it to be okay. I doubt it ever will be.
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  #78  
Old 02-14-2010, 04:39 AM
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BIG BIG hug.
I hope your date was nice.
I'm sorry that you got the "cold shoulder". That sucks.

Time can do amazing things RP. Look at Maca. Who'd have thought we'd EVER be where we are today considering where we were?

It really hasn't been long in the big scheme.

Give Mono and Poly a big hug and kiss for being so good and standing by as your men through it.

XOXOXOX
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  #79  
Old 02-14-2010, 04:57 AM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
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*Hugs*
Drag. Sorry, hon. Really.

Perhaps someday silent judgment will give way to grudging tolerance, which can grow into hesitant acceptance, which often clears the way for, well, peace.

I hope you and Mono enjoyed an awesome date night.
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  #80  
Old 02-14-2010, 07:01 AM
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Yes we did!
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