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  #11  
Old 09-02-2009, 10:59 PM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
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*hugs* Oh, dear.

I'm so sorry, RedPepper, that your parents aren't being cool with this. What a bummer.

Maybe they'll come around. You're still you, after all, and this revelation doesn't change who you are AT ALL. It just changes what they know about you. And they had to have some level of coolness in them to raise an awesome, wise, wonderful woman like you. So hang in there and maybe their inner cool will have a chance to surface.

Be strong, SisterWoman.
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  #12  
Old 09-02-2009, 11:15 PM
XYZ123 XYZ123 is offline
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I'm sorry this is going so rough. It took alot of courage to step forward and be yourself to those you love. Being met with rejection must be so painful.

They're probably concerned as parents, in-laws, and grandparents more than anything. And their reactions are probably more immediately emotional than logical. Give them some time. Let it sink in. Keep showing them you are still you and let them know you are all happiest this way. Hopefully, they will come around.

*hugs* to you and your family-both blood and chosen. Let us know how things are working out when you're up to it.
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  #13  
Old 09-02-2009, 11:21 PM
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vandalin vandalin is offline
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Things will work out. Patience and faith in your parents who have probably been there standing by you. This is a slightly bigger bomb for most people than annoucing gender preferences as being homosexual is much more "out" there than poly is.

They love you, they have seen you all together, they will remember how happy you all are as a family and then realize that if this is what it takes to make you happy, then they can accept it. Approval would be nice, but not necessary.

*hugs* for you all.
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  #14  
Old 09-02-2009, 11:52 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Here's hoping your family can adjust to the largeness of the love you experience.

Sometimes all it takes is time. Let's hope the love in your family wins over the fear.
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  #15  
Old 09-04-2009, 03:56 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Wow, you guys are all so awesome *tear* *sniff*

Such kind words of support. I really appreciate that. It means more than you know....

It was just as hard to come out with this as it was to come out that I was a lesbian a million years ago... Then they mourned that they might not have grand kids. This time they were mostly concerned about the grandchild they do have.

We ended up having to say something as they were building themselves into a frenzy with concern that Mono's interest in our family is my son!!! They eventually asked what is going on and said they were very concerned that Mono was going to look after my son for the day this past Monday. My Dad called a family meeting, which we had on Monday night.

The meeting started with my asking them what their concerns were. It came out that they thought Mono was molesting our child and that is why there was a lack of comfort and strange tension in the air when he was around. They thought his presence in our life was confusing and unhealthy for our son and that he wasn't getting enough time with his parents... possibly that he is confused about who his Daddy is. I was frustrated with these comments and argued the points but my husband pointed out that they were valid concerns.... I agreed that we would look at them more closely and if something hadn't changed around some behaviours he's been having (I think related to other circumstances) then we would seek some professional help in October. I think the behaviour will stop when school starts.

It was the next part that was the roughest. My Mum launched into a tyraid of assumptions, judgments, accusations and finger pointing... even sighting the fact that this was all my Dad's fault because he cheated on her when we were kids. I was horrified when she told him that she only stayed with him so that we kids could have enough money to go to university! She went on and on about how hard her life has been and how now we have changed everything and that things will never be the same and that she will recent Mono for as long as she lives for taking her family/grandson away from her. That we won't be doing certain things together now because he is in our lives.... on and on. I was surprised because Mono has spent tons of good times with them already!

I was very hurt and at one point almost walked out screaming that I would not tolerate her speaking to us in that way. She almost walked out saying that she was leaving the family.... I made her stay, telling her we had to have it out now, because I wasn't doing this again! It was a nightmare. I am so ashamed I handled the way I did and I am so hurt and angry at what she said.

To top it off I asked that she not speak to anyone until we had told my husbands Mum and she went right ahead and told her that night! Albeit under pressure from my mother in law to say how the meeting went, but still!

Anyway, they had some accusations (etc.) that I will re-work into questions so as to be helpful to anyone reading this.... as I think that this all might be helpful in some way to anyone who is considering coming out or worries about the repercussions as I did. I think I will start a new link for those questions actually..... stay tuned for a link to it.


adding link to new thread.

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showt...=6288#post6288
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Last edited by redpepper; 09-04-2009 at 04:24 AM.
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  #16  
Old 09-04-2009, 04:17 AM
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River River is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
... that I will re-work into questions so as to be helpful to anyone reading this.... as I think that this all might be helpful in some way to anyone who is considering coming out or worries about the repercussions as I did. I think I will start a new link for those questions actually..... stay tuned for a link to it.
Redpepper,

Wow! That's a lot -- and a lot to process, for you and all of us here who care for you.

So many things stand out, and yet what stands out most strongly for me, and almost moves me to tears, is that you are recognizing that out of this tumult and turmoil, you have a gift to offer to others -- lemons to give as lemonaide.

This is the greatest gift you can offer -- the will to give. It is a spirit that could heal our broken world. And why, in part, I have so much hope and faith in poly folk.

Bless you and yours, and thank you.
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  #17  
Old 09-04-2009, 09:01 AM
JonnyAce JonnyAce is offline
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RP,

I've been lurking here for over a month now, and i felt compelled to finally say something, but this post isn't about me. you have my sincerest, and heartfelt sympathy. i know this can't be easy in any way,shape or form, but from what i've seen you, Mono, and the Hubby are definitely strong enough to get through this. i have no doubt that things will get better. keep you chin up!
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  #18  
Old 09-04-2009, 01:52 PM
XYZ123 XYZ123 is offline
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I don't even know what to say having read this. I am so sorry, not because they have concerns, but because they were so hurtful in dealing with them. Mono was fine until they were told he was more than a friend and now he is demonized and your parents cannot spend time with your family because of things going on behind closed doors? I'm hurt for you, angry for you, outraged for you all. And you probably handled it better than I would have. Not only were you able to come here and write about it, you have also started a thread to help others. I'd still be ranting and raving and crying. You're made of tougher stuff than I.
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  #19  
Old 09-04-2009, 02:50 PM
Catfish Catfish is offline
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I wish you and your family all the best. This is tough stuff. If it gives you any comfort, I find hope in sharing your struggle. You are truly amazing and I know this will all work out for you in the end. Continue to be strong and use those four strong shoulders you have at your disposal. That's what they're there for.
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  #20  
Old 09-04-2009, 03:35 PM
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thanks...

I really believe that we did the right thing leaving telling them until we were really established and have found some normalcy in our poly "V." I can't stress enough how important it is to take things slowly. The fact that we did that and are rock solid means that no one can deny that we aren't doing just fine.

We won't be telling them about any others in our lives that is for sure. We told them there have been others, but they don't know that there are now! I figure that unless we have someone as close as Mono to us there is no reason...

I have been going through a kind of mourning process over all this. Anger, disbelief, sadness. Today is sadness that I don't have parents that I can be completely open with. I have others I can be with... it's all good.
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