|
#1
02-25-2011, 01:32 PM
|
||||
|
||||
NRE overflow / Breakup overflow...
Hey guys...
Well, I had my first real poly relationship... It was brief, the NRE was amazing - and now the Breaking up part is devastating. Which leads me to (what I believe) an interesting question... For lack of a better term - NRE overflow into the primary relationship happens. I think we have all felt that at one time or another. How do you control, or can you control the emotional / negative / breakup overflow from effecting your primary relationship? Has anyone dealt with this? I mean, yesterday (the day it was apparent that the relationship was over) I was miserable. Today I am just emotionally numb... I want to get over this as soon as possible, and generally for me to get my head on straight it takes me a few months of seclusion and contemplation. It gives me time to do some "Relationship CSI" work and see when / where it all started to go wrong. While doing that, I know I am probably going to be obsessive, impulsive, neurotic and generally in a different head-space my wife. I don't want those feelings to bleed into her happiness... Anyone have suggestions? 
|
|
#2
02-25-2011, 07:47 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
__________________
 Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules. Monogamy might just be in my genes  Poly Events All Over
|
|
#3
02-26-2011, 12:05 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
Ideally, you are strong enough as a couple to support each other and talk through it. Breaking up sucks horribly...best of luck with the healing.
|
|
#4
02-26-2011, 12:49 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
As far as it bleeding into your wife's happiness, that can only happen if she allows it, if she can't hold on to herself in the midst of your relationship. If she's suddenly unhappy because you're dealing with some grief, that's a serious issue the two of you might want to address with a counselor, 'cause that's not healthy. I can say that while I was grieving the end of my last secondary relationship, my wife was supportive. Her essential happiness wasn't affected, either, as we're fairly well-differentiated.
__________________
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around. While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
|
|
#5
02-26-2011, 12:58 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
oh poor you. I'm sorry you are hurting...
I was just talking about break up last night. I wrote it on here somewhere. The thing with poly is that one might be all gung ho and in NRE at the beginning,,, the part that we often witness on here. The thing is that for one break up with one person its bad enough, with more people, such as in poly... it's worse I think at times!  a good note for monogamy
__________________
|
|
#6
02-26-2011, 11:46 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
I agree with what others have said. All to often when we try to "control" our feelings it sort of translates to "don't feel" them..
Which gets you nowhere in terms of healing... Feel your feelings - It's what they are for ! Best wishes for your healing...sorry you are hurting..
|
 |
| Tags |
| breakups, nre overflow, primary/secondary |
| Thread Tools | |
| Display Modes | |
|
|
Linear Mode
