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  #11  
Old 09-05-2009, 10:21 PM
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River River is offline
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...I asked him when he thought he would be able to come down and meet them. He said "soon, love. Hopefully very soon." I asked if he thought maybe he could next weekend and he said "we'll see, maybe." That's not very encouraging to me, but ...
There may be some sort of challenge he's facing here that you don't yet understand. It may be difficult for him. He may not even be ready to talk about that challenge. I'd say, ... be patient a little longer. Then, ask him about why it represents a challenge to him. But give him a little time to try to deal with it on his own. He deserves a little time to try that out. But if he can't share it with you after a long while, or meet them, then you may need to try another approach. If he evades the issue for a long while, you may need to give up on him.
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  #12  
Old 09-06-2009, 02:37 PM
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Rarechild Rarechild is offline
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I am so deeply in love with both of them that it's ridiculous, and I truly enjoy every second I spend with them. It's not important enough to me to press this issue to the point of upsetting anyone.
Oh, my dear, but YOU are upset, so it's already done, and that matters! Maybe some patience is required, but please don't sweep your own feelings under the carpet- you would not want either of them to do so if the situation was the other way around and something you were doing was causing them pain.
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  #13  
Old 09-10-2009, 06:39 PM
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sweetlivvie sweetlivvie is offline
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Rarechild, your posts make me smile you have such a kind soul. Your words have really touched me.

Really though, I'm so thankful for all of you who cared to read this mess and offer advice.

I think we have a little bit of work to do on uncovering those layers, but that work will have to wait for now. At the moment, he's going through the worst pain he's ever felt, a pain I can't even begin to imagine. He was expecting a child with a girl he'd been hooking up with a couple months ago (geez, this whole thing sounds more like a soap opera every time I talk about it). Although he didn't feel like he was ready to be a father, and had no desire for a relationship with this woman beyond sleeping with her, he loved his unborn baby girl more than he'd ever loved anything. Well the mother called him on Tuesday night and told him the baby had died the previous Tuesday (a whole week before she called him) He is devastated. I've never seen him in so much anguish. I am just beside myself with grief for him and what he's going through. I am also quite furious with the mother...I said from the very beginning that I believed she was faking the pregnancy (and that it would end with her "losing the baby") to get him to have the relationship with her that she wanted and he made very clear he did not. (yes, I know. he shouldn't have been sleeping with her then. I told him that when he was doing it, but he didn't listen.) This is beside the point though. The point is, whether the baby was real or not, HE believed it was, so the pain is very real. The hardest part for me, and for our girlfriend, is that neither of us can do anything to help him. He's withdrawing himself from us. He's asked us both for space and not to contact him for a little while. It absolutely breaks my heart, hers too. She and I are really just clinging to each other to get through this situation. All I can do is hope and pray that he will experience the healing he needs and that when he comes back from this dark place, he'll come back to us.

Once again, thank you all for your words of encouragement! I will keep you updated.
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Last edited by sweetlivvie; 09-11-2009 at 01:10 AM.
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