New to Poly Amory - Experiences, Thoughts, Feelings and Questions

[Rarechild]

Hello, no time to really comment, but I wanted to say welcome and I look forward to your participation on the forum.

[Fidelia]

Hi 1Soul:

As often happens when a person is standing outside of a situation, the "answer" to the heart of your question seems straightforward to me, so I'm going to address it in a straightforward way.

Originally Posted by OneSoul

I AM CURIOUS HOW SOMEONE GOES ABOUT SETTING UP A POLY AMOR / LOVE thing from the GET GO . . . without having to CONVINCE SOMEONE . . .

By knowing what you want and communicating your intentions and desires clearly from the get-go. This allows everyone involved to know what you want and to make informed choices. If the person you're interested in is unfamilar with the concept(s) of poly, you may need to answer questions. But ultimately, if you're clear from the beginning that you want a polyamorous relationship, potential partners will either accept that and continue developing the potential, or not (in which case they were not the best match for you anyway.)

Originally Posted by OneSoul

. . .or DEAL with the DRAMA.. or...

Sorry to be the one to break it to you, but people come with issues, and for everyone I know, issues erupt into drama sometimes. It's part of the human condition. The extent, depth, and duration of dramatic episodes depends on how effectively the issues are addressed.

I hope my straightforward approach does not rub you the wrong way. Good luck to you and happy hunting. I hope you find what you're looking for.

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by OneSoul

When you see an attractive person (whatever your orientation) the essence that rises is LOVE.

I'm going to beg to differ on this one...I don't think love is the feeling that arises simply from seeing an attractive person without knowing them and based soley on a physical assessment..I think it is more commonly, "damn that's a nice ass" or "boy I'd like to fuck them".

What arises when you see a physically unattractive person....hate?

[XYZ123]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

What arises when you see a physically unattractive person....hate?

My lunch. Depending on how unattractive they are.

[MonoVCPHG]

My last comment came off a bit strong I think. The idea of someone associating immediate sexual attraction with love triggers some of my personal self awareness stuff.


From Redpepper - she doesn't think monogamy is what people want in the long run so much as fidelity. We want to know people will be there for us, committed to us, and honest with us.

Take care and I hope my comments have not come off as too direct. We are going through a touchy time with coming out to the remainder of family in the area and are all a little raw.

Peace and love
Mono

[OneSoul]

Originally Posted by Fidelia

Hi 1Soul:

As often happens when a person is standing outside of a situation, the "answer" to the heart of your question seems straightforward to me, so I'm going to address it in a straightforward way.

By knowing what you want and communicating your intentions and desires clearly from the get-go. This allows everyone involved to know what you want and to make informed choices. If the person you're interested in is unfamilar with the concept(s) of poly, you may need to answer questions. But ultimately, if you're clear from the beginning that you want a polyamorous relationship, potential partners will either accept that and continue developing the potential, or not (in which case they were not the best match for you anyway.)

Sorry to be the one to break it to you, but people come with issues, and for everyone I know, issues erupt into drama sometimes. It's part of the human condition. The extent, depth, and duration of dramatic episodes depends on how effectively the issues are addressed.

I hope my straightforward approach does not rub you the wrong way. Good luck to you and happy hunting. I hope you find what you're looking for.

Which is why the conscious must rise because the unconscious is driven by reaction.

People are not their thoughts & emotions. They think they are and it brings them all kinds of sadness. (Peaceful Warrior).

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

I'm going to beg to differ on this one...I don't think love is the feeling that arises simply from seeing an attractive person without knowing them and based soley on a physical assessment..I think it is more commonly, "damn that's a nice ass" or "boy I'd like to fuck them".

What arises when you see a physically unattractive person....hate?

No. I am not talking in terms of just an attractive person. I am talking about anything that causes and EXPANSION in your consciousness.

Lovely breeze, a graceful dancer, a cute child, an unattractive person with a genuine laugh on their face... A sunset or mountains... or beach.. A nostalgic thought..

Anything that causes that RISE in your consciousness.. EXPANSION. That is love.

Trying to hold on to it.. Is not. That is possession.
For the exact same reason that you can Enjoy the HUG of someone but give it another 10-20 minutes and you want a break.

Maybe this kind of talk is gonna be understood once you get the SPIRITUAL NOTION of the word love... Not the limited "love" we use in our inter-personal relations.

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

My last comment came off a bit strong I think. The idea of someone associating immediate sexual attraction with love triggers some of my personal self awareness stuff.

From Redpepper - she doesn't think monogamy is what people want in the long run so much as fidelity. We want to know people will be there for us, committed to us, and honest with us.

Take care and I hope my comments have not come off as too direct. We are going through a touchy time with coming out to the remainder of family in the area and are all a little raw.

Peace and love
Mono

Nope None taken.

That wanting to have SEX is not LOVE. But it comes from the place of LOVE.

What is love.. to Belong, to Unite, to Re-Unite, to Re-connect with the OWN SELF.. where there is no time, space or thoughts.

Why for one moment of orgasm do we crave so much? Ever thought about it...?

Its the moment where we are NO MIND, NO SEPARATION, NO THOUGHTS, NO ME, NO YOU... No sense of past or future.

NO... I am. You Are..

In that VERY MOMENT.. You are just BEING.. in that NOW..

Here, Now, without any thoughts, labels, ideas, past or future.
IMMERSED INTO THE MOMENT.

The same happens when you see a lovely scene.. etc.. The above conditions.

[MonoVCPHG]

For the record...One Soul...I understand our communication issues a bit better now. We have different spirituality approaches to love in general. I don't think either is more developed or expansive. I think we are simply different in our world approach to connection. This is nothing new for me within the poly forums or the poly community I associate in. I often find myself on different wave lengths. Then again I am not poly so go figure

[Fidelia]

OneSoul:

If you choose to quote me in the future, please do so accurately, including enough pericopy for a reader to follow the point. Leaving out the quotations to which I was responding, as you have done here, makes the point less than clear.

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by Fidelia

OneSoul:
. Leaving out the quotations to which I was responding, as you have done here, makes the point less than clear.

The software automatically does that. It only preserves quotes one level deep. It erases quotes within quotes. In order to do that, you have to put them in manually or go back to the parent post and multi-quote them.

Maybe this is something the admin can tweak, since I belong to other forums that use this VBulletin software and they do multigenerational quotes all the time.

[Fidelia]

Ah. Thanks for clarifying that, Ygirl.