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  #1  
Old 07-18-2014, 06:30 PM
polypie polypie is offline
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Default How long have you been polyamorous?

At what age did you first realistically identify that polyamory was for you?

In a fashion that you are comfortable, please let me know how you began introducing polyamory into your life style.

What were done trials and tribulations you faced?

Was it every ever confusing, or did it come naturally?

Do you think/believe that polyamory is something people are born being..or do think everyone is born being capable of polyamory?
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  #2  
Old 07-18-2014, 08:18 PM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by polypie View Post
Do you think/believe that polyamory is something people are born being..or do think everyone is born being capable of polyamory?
There's a distinction between being poly and being in a poly relationship. It's not so surprising, just because you're monogamous wired doesn't mean you know how to be in a relationship.

What's weird is that it never occurs to mono people that there's anything wrong with there being tons of relationship counselors and relationship advice columns for them, yet they expect poly people to naturally "get" it without any sort of support or outside help.
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  #3  
Old 07-18-2014, 09:51 PM
WhatToDo WhatToDo is offline
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I'm in a polyamorous relationship but I don't classify myself as poly. I'm just not wired that way.
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  #4  
Old 07-18-2014, 11:13 PM
Belladonna Belladonna is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by polypie View Post
At what age did you first realistically identify that polyamory was for you?

In a fashion that you are comfortable, please let me know how you began introducing polyamory into your life style.

What were done trials and tribulations you faced?

Was it every ever confusing, or did it come naturally?

Do you think/believe that polyamory is something people are born being..or do think everyone is born being capable of polyamory?
Well I didn't know what the term for myself was until recently but I have been poly or at least known since young. Like young young. But I have been living on my own since late teens 1st apt at 16) in the 90's it wasn't weird.

Introducing?
Hmm I just did it. My first marriage we just lived that way. It wasn't odd or forced. We just meet people and formed friendships then relationships.

Trials?
Hmm that one is hard to answer. I have been judged a lot. So now I'm more secretive about my life. I have also lost a lot of friends along the way.

Confusing?
No and yes. It very much comes naturally to me. It would be a lot easier if I wasn't. But then again I wouldn't have dated my 2nd husband if it wasn't for my life style. Confusing only because people don't get it. I did used to wonder why I was the way I was. I would feel bad that my eyes wander,even if it was ok. Now I just live my life and fully except it.

Born with?
Yep!! I remember being a kid and playing with my barbies and they had more than one spouse. Thinking back I have no idea why I did that. I just figure I'm more into love and sexuality than some people.
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  #5  
Old 07-18-2014, 11:38 PM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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As a teen I shared boyfriends and didn't think anything wrong of it
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  #6  
Old 07-19-2014, 02:13 PM
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MusicalRose MusicalRose is offline
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I was sixteen years old when I really first heard of nonmonogamy as a concept and it really resonated with me. I tried an open relationship in high school that didn't work because my boyfriend at the time was very mono.

I always mentioned my polyamorous leanings to boyfriends after that, but at the time I thought I could be mono if that is what they wanted. When I met my current husband, he expressed interest in trying it out, but we closed our relationship for about a year before we thought about opening it up for any reason, and it was probably another year after that before either of us made any serious attempts at anything outside the relationship.

Most of the trials and tribulations I've faced have been with my husband and his desires to have a hierarchical relationship while I do not want to establish a strict hierarchy. With other partners, most of it has been typical relationship issues that led to their failures. My first ex since we opened up our relationship was just a grown child that didn't want to take responsibility for himself and I had been trying to be a hero. My second started lying to me and his other partner and I decided not to deal with that.

It feels like a lot of it comes naturally to me. What tends to be confusing is the amount of possessiveness that even some poly-identified people seem to hold on to. I get having twinges and feelings, but I struggle to understand people who identify as poly indulging those emotions and acting on them and expecting their partners to coddle them through it.

I feel like I'm probably just inclined that way, so maybe there is something to it being an orientation. I can't really speak for everyone else or know what everyone else is capable of.
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  #7  
Old 07-19-2014, 04:39 PM
InsaneMystic InsaneMystic is offline
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Another "first read about it at 15 or 16" here.

I didn't end up actually being in a relationship until I was 32, because there just aren't all that many folks on this planet whom I'd be partner-compatible with... but the two relationships I've been in, of course both were/are nonmonogamous right from day one (one failed rather quickly, the other is hitting our sixth anniversary next week). I make it clear immediately the moment anything beyond strictly platonic friendship starts showing up on the radar between me and someone that closed/mono will not ever be a 'ship option I'd agree to.
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  #8  
Old 07-19-2014, 05:31 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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5 years or so
Open for 16 years or so
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  #9  
Old 07-21-2014, 06:34 PM
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MsChristy MsChristy is offline
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I have been "open" for probably 4 years, and poly for 2 years. Was never looking to be poly, it was just something that happened
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  #10  
Old 07-21-2014, 06:52 PM
central central is offline
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I read about it in my teens, and it made sense to me then. However, I never pursued it and was in a bad mono relationship for 24 years. Soon after I ended that, I entered a new relationship with a woman who was poly-oriented as well, and had someone she wanted to resume seeing as a secondary, while I had someone I'd been dating I wanted to continue seeing, also as a secondary. Those people were also fine with the poly idea - and with being secondary - so we had a very happy and functional N-arrangement for a couple of years until our secondaries moved on and found primaries at different times.

Since then we haven't found anyone for whom we felt the same intensity and connection, but we've had some long term FWB type relationships that came close, and have also been into swinging together (where we also came close to developing a poly relationship with another couple, until they got into some kinks we didn't want to be part of).

Now, we're still open to finding a poly relationship, but the emphasis has changed somewhat, and my wife would prefer that if we do this at all that I find another woman and be the hinge of a V and see where that goes.
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