BeccaDuine
New member
I feel rather horrible to create an account just to ask for help, but I needed some place for input.
I moved in with my best friends (A married couple)last year. I needed someplace and they needed some extra help. I've done a lot, at least they've said, to help them get their own lives started on track again. It took a while, but we all ended up falling in love with each other.
Things were great the first few months, but things got rocky fast. See, one half of the couple, we will call her Rinae, is a transwoman. This doesn't actually bother me, as i dated a transwoman previously, and beyond that I majority had boyfriends, so being intimate with her was no problem. But, the other half, Sonya, is biologically female. She's been a new experience to me, and it's taken me a long while to get use to how to be intimate with her. She... Didn't take to that well and complained often. Rinae and I stopped being alone together as much to help her not have a comparison while my relationship grew more with her, but she kept linking things on communication, saying I didn't talk to her enough, and that things should be more equal still. She ignored all comments on these poly-help pages of not all the relationships will develop the same...
She wasn't wrong on myself not talking to her much, though. See, Rinae and I are close in age. We share a lot of interests and play with words and enjoy talking circles around each other. She was also there as an ear when Sonya got upset at me and I didn't know why. I've gotten better at asking Sonya directly, but she hasn't developed out of ranting to Rinae about me or bottling things up until they go out of hand... A majority of what was even wrong had to do with trying to be alone with Rinae (Sonya had a habit of joining in so we kept having to wait weeks before we had that relationship focused on), despite us both having time with her already, that I wasn't going "as far" with her as I would with Rinae, that I hadn't been talking to her (Ahem, fixed on this end), and that Rinae wasn't sleeping in bed with us (Medical reasons).
Things had been better for a while, though. I thought, at least. I had been initiating more with Sonya, and I thought that our relationship had been growing pretty well and was on an even plain with mine and Rinae. Our sex lives all took a hit when I started training for work for three weeks and was out of the house for 14 hours, but still, things were good. I had tried to set up things on the weekends, which resulted in me just sleeping in the middle of the bed while they were on their computers... But I had found settings up time together in advance was a great way to keep things obviously equal.
Anyway, my training ended about two weeks ago. I tried for the first week to get either girl, even so much as a cuddle. Rinae rejected me on a fair ground of being too ill, but Sonya had also, stating she had just not been in the mood to. It was... odd. She's not the type to refuse sex. She's taken sleeping medication, and still found the energy. I had still tried to not think anything of it. I had also taken it as what was said, and that things between her and Rinae slowed down as well, and I was willing to wait until she was normal and using them both as an indicator. I had no idea of to ask "Are you horny now?" Without getting my head bumped for annoyance...
After that first week, I did have a moment with Rinae. I didn't think anything on it, because I had thought we were past the point where we had to constantly ask permission. I found out last night that I had been wrong. Sonya broke down after Rinae had told her. She complained that I again didn't iniate anything with her, and when I tried to point out the past, she brushed it off with "Yeah, just one time!" It was every complaint she had thrown at me before, with no reason. I communicated my feelings. I hid nothing from her. I loved making her happy, which she described as a "chore" for me. She said she didn't want to do anything sexual because she could lie to herself and say everything was fine. That had been upsetting to me enough, not knowing how to calm her and point out why she was wrong and what she was forgetting, but it went on to her throwing out the condoms, the things I need with no active birth control to do anything with Rinae.
That had been a tipping point, leading to me snapping and leaving after being pushed to say something when I couldn't process anymore. Rinae later told me Sonya had said that's why she never said anything to me, with Rinae pointing out that this happened because she waited too long to say anything. In any case, it didn't take long for me to calm down and I told to Sonya after, pointing out what I wanted to and explaining myself. She got sheepish in a moment when I explained the waiting for her and Rinae to do things again, with a response of they've been doing things for those 5 weeks anyway.
I... Stopped talking to her at that moment. I didn't want to yell again. She didn't want to have sex with me or me to have sex with Rinae, to keep things "even" in her head, but... she was still able to sleep with her?!
I haven't been able to talk to Sonya after. This behavior has me ragged trying to piece together her complaints. I've talked with Rinae on things. We've both noted that Sonya keeps pushing and pulling things to a V instead of the triangle (Pushing me away from her, pulling Rinae and me just to her and apart). Their relationship has also been strained emotionally lately, and it seems the only healthy relationship left is mine and Rinae's, despite everything else, and it hurts us both to be caught in the middle. We went over fixes, things we still plan on talking over with Sonya, but the one we fell on most that made us both cry was me no longer being with either. We don't want that, but it's all that makes sense.
If you can survive all that, here's my questions:
Is there anything that I could say to Sonya during this talk we plan?
Would breaking up be such a bad idea? (This is just opinion, since... not letting the internet rule my life and all)
Any plans on how to help here...? Any? We've been together for a long while... they've both made me happier than I've been, but... I'm worn and we need help.
Sorry if I'm a bit wordy... I've been up well over 24 hours now.
I moved in with my best friends (A married couple)last year. I needed someplace and they needed some extra help. I've done a lot, at least they've said, to help them get their own lives started on track again. It took a while, but we all ended up falling in love with each other.
Things were great the first few months, but things got rocky fast. See, one half of the couple, we will call her Rinae, is a transwoman. This doesn't actually bother me, as i dated a transwoman previously, and beyond that I majority had boyfriends, so being intimate with her was no problem. But, the other half, Sonya, is biologically female. She's been a new experience to me, and it's taken me a long while to get use to how to be intimate with her. She... Didn't take to that well and complained often. Rinae and I stopped being alone together as much to help her not have a comparison while my relationship grew more with her, but she kept linking things on communication, saying I didn't talk to her enough, and that things should be more equal still. She ignored all comments on these poly-help pages of not all the relationships will develop the same...
She wasn't wrong on myself not talking to her much, though. See, Rinae and I are close in age. We share a lot of interests and play with words and enjoy talking circles around each other. She was also there as an ear when Sonya got upset at me and I didn't know why. I've gotten better at asking Sonya directly, but she hasn't developed out of ranting to Rinae about me or bottling things up until they go out of hand... A majority of what was even wrong had to do with trying to be alone with Rinae (Sonya had a habit of joining in so we kept having to wait weeks before we had that relationship focused on), despite us both having time with her already, that I wasn't going "as far" with her as I would with Rinae, that I hadn't been talking to her (Ahem, fixed on this end), and that Rinae wasn't sleeping in bed with us (Medical reasons).
Things had been better for a while, though. I thought, at least. I had been initiating more with Sonya, and I thought that our relationship had been growing pretty well and was on an even plain with mine and Rinae. Our sex lives all took a hit when I started training for work for three weeks and was out of the house for 14 hours, but still, things were good. I had tried to set up things on the weekends, which resulted in me just sleeping in the middle of the bed while they were on their computers... But I had found settings up time together in advance was a great way to keep things obviously equal.
Anyway, my training ended about two weeks ago. I tried for the first week to get either girl, even so much as a cuddle. Rinae rejected me on a fair ground of being too ill, but Sonya had also, stating she had just not been in the mood to. It was... odd. She's not the type to refuse sex. She's taken sleeping medication, and still found the energy. I had still tried to not think anything of it. I had also taken it as what was said, and that things between her and Rinae slowed down as well, and I was willing to wait until she was normal and using them both as an indicator. I had no idea of to ask "Are you horny now?" Without getting my head bumped for annoyance...
After that first week, I did have a moment with Rinae. I didn't think anything on it, because I had thought we were past the point where we had to constantly ask permission. I found out last night that I had been wrong. Sonya broke down after Rinae had told her. She complained that I again didn't iniate anything with her, and when I tried to point out the past, she brushed it off with "Yeah, just one time!" It was every complaint she had thrown at me before, with no reason. I communicated my feelings. I hid nothing from her. I loved making her happy, which she described as a "chore" for me. She said she didn't want to do anything sexual because she could lie to herself and say everything was fine. That had been upsetting to me enough, not knowing how to calm her and point out why she was wrong and what she was forgetting, but it went on to her throwing out the condoms, the things I need with no active birth control to do anything with Rinae.
That had been a tipping point, leading to me snapping and leaving after being pushed to say something when I couldn't process anymore. Rinae later told me Sonya had said that's why she never said anything to me, with Rinae pointing out that this happened because she waited too long to say anything. In any case, it didn't take long for me to calm down and I told to Sonya after, pointing out what I wanted to and explaining myself. She got sheepish in a moment when I explained the waiting for her and Rinae to do things again, with a response of they've been doing things for those 5 weeks anyway.
I... Stopped talking to her at that moment. I didn't want to yell again. She didn't want to have sex with me or me to have sex with Rinae, to keep things "even" in her head, but... she was still able to sleep with her?!
I haven't been able to talk to Sonya after. This behavior has me ragged trying to piece together her complaints. I've talked with Rinae on things. We've both noted that Sonya keeps pushing and pulling things to a V instead of the triangle (Pushing me away from her, pulling Rinae and me just to her and apart). Their relationship has also been strained emotionally lately, and it seems the only healthy relationship left is mine and Rinae's, despite everything else, and it hurts us both to be caught in the middle. We went over fixes, things we still plan on talking over with Sonya, but the one we fell on most that made us both cry was me no longer being with either. We don't want that, but it's all that makes sense.
If you can survive all that, here's my questions:
Is there anything that I could say to Sonya during this talk we plan?
Would breaking up be such a bad idea? (This is just opinion, since... not letting the internet rule my life and all)
Any plans on how to help here...? Any? We've been together for a long while... they've both made me happier than I've been, but... I'm worn and we need help.
Sorry if I'm a bit wordy... I've been up well over 24 hours now.
