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  #1  
Old 06-18-2014, 04:07 AM
Invi Invi is offline
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Location: Las Vegas, NV
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Default I don't like her.

Let me summarize just in case a few of you remember my name.
I left my boyfriend and I moved away with our son and long story short it was awful, I did a lot of reading and thinking and blah blah blah and I came to terms with his desire to be involved with multiple people to whatever degree and when he moved back to where I'd run off to, to be close to his son, we decided to try again.

Since rekindling our relationship, I have known from the beginning that he is involved with two other people currently. They both still live in Nevada, separately. We live in Missouri, separately.

I tend to be wordy, so I'm trying not to be. Let me know if that doesn't make sense.
Knowing that he is involved with these people, knowing their names, having their phone numbers and having spoken to both of them is a big step forward for both of us. I was not at all accepting before, though I was convinced I was trying. I still don't know if I feel like I really was or not. He was not the most honest or open person previously in regards to who else he was seeing, so that is also progress on his part.

One of the women he is seeing is a Sagittarius so unless she feels like revealing herself (she knows I'm writing this), I'm just going to call her Sadge.
The other is a Scorpio and unless she has stumbled on this site as well and puts the pieces together, she has no idea. If so, oh well.

I like Sadge. We talk regularly through text or Skype. She takes an interest in the mister & I's son (not to mention the bun in the oven). She is friendly and we share a lot of views regarding politics and parenting. We share music videos with each other from youtube to find similar likes and all that good stuff.
We just met face to face this weekend for the first time and it was not quite as awkward as I had thought it might be. She and my son got along really well and he even hugged her before she left. He is notoriously shy with new people.

Scorpio... I do not like.
That is not necessarily to say I dislike her. I do not know her very well.
That said, it seems like everything about her bothers me except maybe what she is going to school for.
I don't want to go into all the things. Some of them are petty, like the way she types and the words she chooses to empathize in text messages. Others are differences in things like parenting style. She has a son of her own but this is relevant to me because the mister wants all of us, in the eventual future, to live in the same house.

Part of me thinks and somewhat hopes that in person, she will be easier to get on with. Or at least tolerate.
But I do not want to live with someone I am just tolerating.
I do not want to push myself to like someone I just don't like.

Sadge doesn't like her either, and she has actually met her in person and spent time with her on more than one occasion.

I don't really know what to do about that.
Therapy is not currently an option, for the record.
Scorpio asked me something one day and I don't remember the wording exactly but she basically asked if I disliked her and while I didn't tell her any of the reasoning, I did tell her that I just don't know her. We haven't clicked. Sometimes people don't click online and maybe it will be better in person, maybe it won't; we won't know until then.

The mister knows I am not all warm and fuzzy about Scorpio. He knows I have doubts and some of the things I dislike but I don't think that he really knows that I just don't care for her. He says things like, "I think you're just not giving her the same chances I have."
I haven't known her as long as he has. I have never met her in person. I have also never slept with her, which is primarily what their relationship was until after he moved away, at which point she decided she wanted something more serious.

I am not sure what I think he thinks about her. Apparently they have discussed having children. She has her whole future planned, it seems. He says their talk about it was brief, kind of in passing, that he's not sure about that yet. I don't know if he's even sure about her.

What would you do, if this were you?
Obviously I intend to talk to him more in-depth about how I feel about all this, but it is somewhat overwhelming. I don't think I'm being possessive or jealous. He spent time with Scorpio this last weekend since he was in NV for an event with Sadge. It does not bother me when they are together, but it doesn't stop me from occasionally thinking, "Well, maybe she'll decide this is just too much and she'll just kind of... drift away."
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  #2  
Old 06-18-2014, 05:52 AM
london london is offline
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I'd mind my own business, remember that it isn't my partner so I don't need to like her and spend my time with people I do like. Please do not ever attempt to have sex with this woman. You do not need to be physically or emotionally intimate with your metamour(s).

I'll reiterate, you are not in a relationship with her. He is not your possession. Your feelings about her are irrelevant. Spend time with people you do like.
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  #3  
Old 06-18-2014, 09:34 AM
sparklepop sparklepop is offline
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Welcome back Invi,

I remember your story from before.

I'm glad you've both made some progress.

Quote:
She has a son of her own but this is relevant to me because the mister wants all of us, in the eventual future, to live in the same house.
Do you want that too?

Quote:
But I do not want to live with someone I am just tolerating.
I do not want to push myself to like someone I just don't like.
This is fair.

Quote:
Scorpio asked me something one day and I don't remember the wording exactly but she basically asked if I disliked her and while I didn't tell her any of the reasoning, I did tell her that I just don't know her. We haven't clicked. Sometimes people don't click online and maybe it will be better in person, maybe it won't; we won't know until then.
This can happen. Sometimes the initial (especially online) meeting can go awry, and after that, we seem to pick out things to fuel the opinion we have started to form.

If this helps, this happened with me when I first met my GF's submissive online. It did not go well. That, coupled with other people's dislike of him, coupled with troubles that my GF shared with me, coupled with some other things that were nothing to do with disliking him, led to me not wanting to get to know him, because the initial experience was so shitty. Eventually, I bit the bullet and met him in person for the first time. Decided to buy him a drink and open up to him as if he was completely new to me. It did the world of good. We get along well. In fact, we talk pretty much daily. Would I want to live with him? No. That's my boundary. You get to decide who you want to live with, regardless of what your guy wants.


Quote:
What would you do, if this were you?
If this were me, I'd give it a shot in person and see if you can become friends. If you simply don't like her / like each other / can't get along, I don't see this as a problem. We like who we like and it cannot be forced. While your guy has his ideal of you all living together (in some sort of Harem for him, or what? ~laughs~), it doesn't mean he can force those friendships to exist. If he really wants that, he'll have to stick with the ones you become friends with and not move the others in.
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involved with:
GF: (41, female) my long-distance, long-term partner
Earth: (35, female) newly dating

metamours:
Hubby: (38, male) GF's husband
Garcon: (28, male) GF's boyfriend/submissive



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  #4  
Old 06-18-2014, 12:42 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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You don't have to like her. He's dating her, you're not. And you don't have to live with her, nor anyone else BF dates, just because he would like one big poly tribe sharing a household. Whoopdeedoo, we don't always get everything we want.
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  #5  
Old 06-18-2014, 01:24 PM
Invi Invi is offline
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Thanks, you guys. I think that's pretty much what I was already telling myself. Liking her is not a necessity, though it might be something he wants, and living with someone I don't want to live with shouldn't even be on the table.
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