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  #51  
Old 05-10-2011, 08:25 PM
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rory rory is offline
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That's awful. I hope you can knock some sense into them. Don't let it get to you too much!
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  #52  
Old 05-11-2011, 03:41 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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Sorry about your friend. I've lost a lot of friends over the years for many reasons-- but I finally at some point realized that they weren't really my friends. They were people that I was friendly with... until something silly came up and the "friendship" fell apart. Several years ago I was sick for a while and ended up being very hermity for a while. When I came back out of it, the lone surviving friends are the ones I've kept. And I only have a few of those. The rest I consider acquaintances whom I've shared some life experiences with. I appreciate them for that, but it's surface. And I've become okay with that because while I will sometimes share other parts of my life with people, I mostly don't bother unless they are one of my REAL friends-- the ones that know everything about me and still accept and support me and vice versa.

Then again, I'm old-er. And my personal life lesson was that it was better to have just a few GREAT, REAL friends, than a lot of "so called" friends who bring drama to your life.

But that's me. It is sad when people can't accept that their friends have different views of life. Especially the judgment that apparently you're no longer on the same "moral" standing. My guess is that you're a whole lot more honest with yourself and others than she is... interesting...
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  #53  
Old 05-12-2011, 10:19 AM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Default Our swinging days are over

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement! I'm not really that thrown off course, just surprised more than anything else.

A funny thing just happened. I had thought of how to communicate in as nice a way as possible to an on/off-fuck buddy that the sex really wasn't doing anything for me lately. We were not connected, as the saying goes, and it felt like going through the motions. I decided to give it a shot nevertheless, wondering that maybe I could take responsibility of my own good times and put in a little more effort. Well, they cancelled, because sex with people they are not partnered to just isn't doing anything for them anymore !

So once again, we have more evidence indicating that people who gravitate towards poly are not in it just so that they have a permission to fuck everything that moves, at least not in the long run.
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  #54  
Old 05-12-2011, 03:52 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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Yeah... that's me too. The only people I end up attracted to are friends, or friends of friends and most often they are not available, so there you have it.

It used to bug me a bit, because hubs can meet someone and find something they have that attracts them and ignore all of the stuff that doesn't really and still have fun. But I think his fun comes more from being able to make someone really enjoy themselves-- not as much the other way around, you know? Not sure, but one thing I've learned is that he has his way of being and I have mine and they're both OK. I don't need to force him to be different and I don't need to be different. That part has taken a while to figure out, but it's kind of nice.

Frankly, If I'm not with someone I truly dig, I'd rather be reading a book or puttering around the house.
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  #55  
Old 05-13-2011, 02:45 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Minxxa View Post
But I think his fun comes more from being able to make someone really enjoy themselves-- not as much the other way around, you know?
I have a clear gender preference in this, and have a theory as to why it is. With men, I have no problem with being a demanding sack of potatoes with her feet up in the air saying 'Come do me now'. A good friend once said that she really doesn't bother about male orgasms, because a) guys pretty much come anyway (not true, as I've later discovered, but I think I migh actually attract over-achiever males ) and b) most of them seem to get their fun out of watching the girl have hers.

Whereas with girls, I'll bend over backwards and twice over to give them the best kicks they can have, and find myself sort of feeding from their good energies, so that I can be totally sexually satisfied with nobody having touched my genitals at all . This is probably part weird residual gender role programming and part testament to the fact that there are a lot fewer multiorgastic males than there are multiorgastic females, but anyways, there you have it.

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Originally Posted by Minxxa View Post
Frankly, If I'm not with someone I truly dig, I'd rather be reading a book or puttering around the house.
I couldn't agree more! Good yoga/cleaning session totally beats bad sex every time. I recently bought scrubbing agent for the bathroom at the Sweets residence, and have been aching all over to get to vacuum at VanillaIce's place. A really good scrubbing session is a huge release for me, and now I won't write about this any more because I realize there are probably anonymous peer support groups for people like me and I should really seek one out .
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  #56  
Old 05-13-2011, 02:49 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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LOL, I do love the cleaning too!

I think I just have never had much luck with having decent sex with a random hookup. The only time a "one night stand" was mind blowing was with my now-husband!
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  #57  
Old 05-13-2011, 05:03 PM
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Amen to that. I've never even had sex and have decided that I don't want to just do it with anyone, I want to wait until it feels right and the feelings are really there. Yoga is the best! Not so much on the cleaning. That tends to feel more like torture for me.
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  #58  
Old 06-05-2011, 08:07 AM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Default When is a triad not a triad?

Take a hypothetic world where you are involved with A and B. A and B are also a couple. Enter C. You and C are a couple. Now, A and C express interest in each other. Imagine that in this hypothetical world, A and C also become involved on a couplish basis. What do you call that, like honestly? A triad? A quad?

My objections to using a triad, in that there would be two parallel triads in this case, is that the participants in you-A-C don't view themselves as having one relationship you-A-C in addition to having three parallel relationships you-A, you-C and A-C. So the old adage of 'there is not one, nor three, but FOUR relationships in any triad' would not be applicable. So, whereas the relationship A-B-you is a triad, the new situation would just be you-C and A-C.

My objections to using a quad is that this is not really a case of two couples becoming involved with each other, but we have, from the point of view of A, a triad and a vee (A being the hinge of B and C); from the POV of C, two parallel, independent relationships with you and A; and from the POV of you in this hypothetical situation, a tangle.

I'm toying with the idea of calling it a diamond.

(And if you think that the 'hypothetical you' in this situation is actually me and this is a real-life situation I am actually having, then you just haven't played enough of 'what if' .)
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  #59  
Old 06-05-2011, 01:42 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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I have to admit you have confused me.

oh wait.. hang on.. you aren't A? you've removed yourself from the lettering?...

Wow.. ok now I get it..

Two parallel V's or two parallel triads.. hell maybe a W.. or M.. or soemthing. At some point there is no simple labelling..

*runs to get coffee* ok.. shouldn't be trying to figure out relationship quadratic equations without caffeine.
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  #60  
Old 06-05-2011, 01:59 PM
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Woot, how did you figure out I was talking about myself while I tried to be very theoretical to avoid suspicions that this might be based on my life !

No, seriously, Mr. Sweets and VanillaIce are planning to go on a 'date' next week (by date we mean replenish their energies with food prior to a night of physically demanding horizontal mambo). Mr. Sweets, Windflower and I are a triad. I have a couple-relation with Vanilla. Thinking ahead of myself as I'm wont to do, if the thing between Mr. and Vanilla evolves into something more, will it mean I am now involved in two triads (an hourglass figure from my relationship)? Or do triads by definition require hanging out in and out of bed in threes?

I am trying to quit caffeine .
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