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  #141  
Old 09-26-2011, 10:33 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Hi Ray! In in case it was unclear, my intent was to address BU's statements but to direct the whole thing mainly to you since you said you weren't experienced and were looking to learn. So, no judgment of you! No judgment of BU either, for that matter, just a differing viewpoint/experience to offer and some surprise on my part.
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  #142  
Old 09-27-2011, 12:00 AM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
Hi Ray! In in case it was unclear, my intent was to address BU's statements but to direct the whole thing mainly to you since you said you weren't experienced and were looking to learn. So, no judgment of you! No judgment of BU either, for that matter, just a differing viewpoint/experience to offer and some surprise on my part.
Ditto!
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  #143  
Old 09-28-2011, 07:16 AM
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Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
. . . with men, sex tends to revolve very much around penises and their functioning. Not that there is nothing wrong with that, but I tend to feel there isn't a lot I can do to bring pleasure to my partners - it's more laying back and having things done unto me, and if for whatever reason Mr. Downbelow isn't up for it, there is little to do.
Wow, this has not been my experience. There is so much to do! And I've had a number of lovers who were focused on me more than their big moment. Maybe the guys you've been with were not very playful nor imaginative. I mean, so many positions, so much fun! My ex would be surprised what I've done to the couch he bought since he moved out! Plenty of stuff to do that's a little different each time. That's what I loved about Shorty, we never did the same thing twice, and it wasn't always focused on his penis. Ahhhh. With my current lover, we're always switching things up, too -- it's never boring! Sometimes I feel like I'm hopping around all night -- turn around, get over here, on the couch, the floor, the bed, up against the wall. I remember hanging off the bed upside down once while anew lover fucked me. I had one hand on the floor and the other holding on to my headboard so I wouldn't land on my skull! It was hilarious. I don't think I've ever just laid back and let a guy do whatever, without any direction from me, unless I was drunk.

Maybe a penis intimidates you in some way? If you find yourself just lying there again, wondering what to do, ask yourself what you'd want that would make it more fun and interesting, and then do it or ask for it! As far as not being sure of what to do to bring them pleasure, Google can help you find wonderful articles and tutorials on fellatio techniques, diagrams for interesting positions, fun toys, etc. As they say at Babeland, "Laugh and don't be afraid to make a mess."
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Last edited by nycindie; 05-01-2014 at 04:59 AM.
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  #144  
Old 09-28-2011, 11:09 AM
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Thanks for all the feedback. This is definitely a personal issue for me, not a condemnation of all straight sex always forever . I seem to have a selection bias towards men who have issues with orgasms, mainly, the lack of them. At least with me . Which puts me down something fierce.

I know that coming isn't the be all and end all of sex even for men , but I find there is an ingredient missing nevertheless. So far I've had fully mutual and satisfactory sexual relations with one guy of the four I've been with, so I tend to get a bit pessimistic.

I'm a very vaginal person (is there a proper word for that? guess not ), so intercourse feels wonderful, and I have zero trouble with penises, Indie - I love giving head . It's more of a trouble with going through every trick in my books, asking for tips, trying to be imaginative and ending up frustrated.

I feel like I'm using men to masturbate on, in a way, and they don't get the same benefits that I do.
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  #145  
Old 09-28-2011, 11:56 AM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
Thanks for all the feedback. This is definitely a personal issue for me, not a condemnation of all straight sex always forever . I seem to have a selection bias towards men who have issues with orgasms, mainly, the lack of them. At least with me . Which puts me down something fierce.

I know that coming isn't the be all and end all of sex even for men , but I find there is an ingredient missing nevertheless. So far I've had fully mutual and satisfactory sexual relations with one guy of the four I've been with, so I tend to get a bit pessimistic.

I'm a very vaginal person (is there a proper word for that? guess not ), so intercourse feels wonderful, and I have zero trouble with penises, Indie - I love giving head . It's more of a trouble with going through every trick in my books, asking for tips, trying to be imaginative and ending up frustrated.

I feel like I'm using men to masturbate on, in a way, and they don't get the same benefits that I do.
I've dated a few men who have had difficulty achieving orgasm during sex. One, even, who had never had an orgasm during intercourse until me (unless you count getting close by hand and throwing it in at the last minute).

I'd be happy to go into more detail about what's going on sometimes and techniques to work through it, but don't want to hijack. Let me know if it's okay to post!
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  #146  
Old 09-28-2011, 04:15 PM
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Post away! The more explicit sex technique advice in one blog, the better!
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  #147  
Old 09-28-2011, 05:32 PM
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While waiting for the porn to hit my blog (yay!), I have to share a Recent Relationship Revelation I had.

Developing connections really takes time and work!

Whooa, I know. BIG surprise. Who knew that if you are going out with a full-time working, almost constantly sleep-deprived father of two, that you would actually sometimes need to take time just to, I dunno, do relationshippy-stuff?

Vanilla, always the one for practical solutions, suggested I spend time during the weekend with Moonlight one-on-one in our apt, just the two of us, and sleep through the night together if it's okay with Windy. I'm excited!
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  #148  
Old 09-28-2011, 06:13 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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I've never been with a man who was anorgasmic, so I can't say what that would be like, but I did once find myself in bed with a guy friend making out while we were both fairly intoxicated. I know, I know, I shoulda waited until we were both sober, but I knew he was into me and I was into him, so I stuck my hand down his pants.

He was hard, and a few minutes later I asked if he had a condom. He said yes, but said regretfully "I'm too drunk, though, it's not going to work." Me, "?? But you're hard." Him, "I can't come when I've been drinking." Me, "But... won't it feel good anyway? I mean, I don't always come during sex." He looked surprised, as if the idea to just do it for the pleasure of the act rather than the climax hadn't occurred to him. Then we went for it, it was awesome, and he wanted to see me again at the next available opportunity.

Now maybe not all men would be that flexible or would feel the same if it was like that every time. But don't feel like you're necessarily just using a guy if he doesn't come... it doesn't mean that it doesn't feel great for him! Again, after all, I wouldn't want my partner to feel bad about sex with me if I couldn't come just because it felt unfair.

I feel like, as bisexuals, we are privileged to get to use our experience with one gender to inform our experiences with the other. For instance, when the topic of penis size comes up, I say -- "I sleep with women and they don't even *have* penises! So clearly it's not an issue." Even a tiny guy can still lick me and work a toy. Similarly, orgasm is often not the end-all be-all goal with women, and it shouldn't have to be with men either.
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  #149  
Old 09-28-2011, 07:58 PM
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Yeah, certainly not all my hot sex with guys has resulted in their cumming every time. Au contraire! Shorty, one of my best-ever lovers, didn't always. Because he had trained himself so well to hold back, sometimes he couldn't cum at all. He would tell me, "It's not going to happen, I held back three times." Another lover of mine would sometimes get overstimulated and couldn't cum. For him, I found that prolonging the actual penetration did help, plus slowing him down to focus on the pleasure and sensations of our bodies together. I've had awesome sex where I didn't cum, either (but I do prefer cumming over not cumming, to be sure). And sometimes I have an orgasm that's like a little blip on the landscape, no big deal at all. Also, remember that, for a guy, there can be ejaculation without orgasm and orgasm without ejaculation. The tricky part is not to let ourselves be disappointed, because we're all waiting for that money shot. I know sometimes I've felt like I didn't do a good enough job if the guy didn't cum, but hey, we're all responsible for our own orgasms. If I don't cum, it's not his fault, and if he doesn't, it's not mine.

Sorry to ramble...
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The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein

Last edited by nycindie; 05-01-2014 at 03:41 AM.
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  #150  
Old 09-28-2011, 08:37 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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I agree that there are so many ways to enjoy sex and it's a shame there's such a stressor on "end results".

Maybe it's our job as sexual explorers to pass the word around: orgasms are not required, creativity is!
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