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  #11  
Old 06-12-2014, 03:04 AM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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Originally Posted by jewelz View Post
Him and her don't have sex. They care for each other but none of us are ready for that step at this point.
She is my best friend of 16years and about 2 years ago needed a place to live. That's why she lives in our home.

All three of us are taking things slow, no one wants to rush into anything and have it go sideways.
Hmmmm, it's a bit unfair for you to not let her have sex with him, when you are. But since she did invite herself into your place, knowing she had to ease into the relationship, some unfairness on your part is not unreasonable.

Still, it's kind of on you on what kind of relationship you want with her. Do you want her to feel warm and welcome? Restraining sex on your part is a nice thing to do. Do you want to establish your place as secure and first? You can make it very clear that you are the primary in the household.
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  #12  
Old 06-12-2014, 03:16 AM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jewelz View Post
Him and her don't have sex. They care for each other but none of us are ready for that step at this point.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
Hmmmm, it's a bit unfair for you to not let her have sex with him, when you are.
PolyinPractice, just to clarify what the OP explicitly stated... Unless there is a convo you are aware of which I'm missing, these folks have all agreed on their situation.

This would seem to be nothing more than a discussion about manners in a multi-member household.
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  #13  
Old 06-15-2014, 01:09 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Can I ask, are the three of you anticipating that she and hubby will eventually have sex, just not yet?

If so, then, do you have a timetable in mind for when she'll start having sex with him? I know that probably sounds like a weird question, but.

Does *she* want a timetable for that? If you have a timetable is it possible she wants it changed (e.g. to a sooner date)?

You could have a three-person sit-down and discuss "the elephant in the room;" that is, the fact that she's not (yet) having sex with hubby. Perhaps ask her if ... well, if she would like to. And how soon.

How much are *you* ready for at this point? Do you feel up to talking about her and hubby having sex as an (eventual? immediate?) possibility?

I know I'm full of questions and not yet giving many answers, but bear with me and I think I'll get more ideas as I come to understand the situation better.

Regards,
Kevin T.
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  #14  
Old 06-15-2014, 07:30 PM
jewelz jewelz is offline
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I I know that she has said something about at some point maybe having sex with him. There is no time table. I don't know how I feel about it right now, to be honest. I know that he is not looking for it at this point.
The main thing right now is that the three of us are trying to get back to being friends and then going from there. Bots one of those things that no one wants to rush.
I for one don't like to be pushed into anything I'm not ready for. So a lot of this is based on me being comfortable.
I hope that this has helped with some of your questions.
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  #15  
Old 06-15-2014, 07:57 PM
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Thanks for indulging my questions, that does help. So at this point, none of you are in a hurry to take any big steps, you are just working on being friends.

She knows you and your husband are going to have sex, so I wouldn't think she'd have a problem with that (especially if she voluntarily moved into your home). I wouldn't bring it up specifically, but you could mention to her that you hope you can be there for her whenever she has a concern she needs to air.

Do you guys have regular (three-adult) sit-downs, to check up on each other's feelings, needs, wants, and whatnot? If not, I would suggest that you do. Perhaps once a week. Probably at least once a month. If at some point anything needs renegotiating, a regular sit-down would help to bring that about. Plus a sit-down is a chance to keep everyone on the same page and keep working together as a team. And a chance for everyone to express themselves and be heard.

Do the three of you do fun things together as friends, outings or whatever? That would be a nice thing to do. Fun outings just for you and the other gal (shopping, girl's night out, whatever) would probably be especially helpful, give it a try if you're not doing it already.

Okay, I still asked two questions, but last time I asked eight, so I'm improving.
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  #16  
Old 06-15-2014, 08:34 PM
jewelz jewelz is offline
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Lol. Yes much better with the questions this time. We all play cards together or play on the ps3. We haven't gone out in a group in a while.
Every now and again her and I go out. It is slow going but we are working on it. Like I said in my first post things were rough for a while. But we are slowing getting things together. Her and I used to have date nights a couple times a month.
I think the reason the three of us don't go out anymore because no one wants to feel like the third wheel or left out in anyway
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  #17  
Old 06-15-2014, 09:13 PM
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Well going out in dyads is still okay ...
  • you and him,
  • you and her,
  • him and her.
You can go back to three-person outings when you're feeling more comfortable about it.

Hey, even watching a TV show together can be fun. My V is having fun watching "Orange Is the New Black."

Taking it slow is usually a good strategy and you will probably come out okay.
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  #18  
Old 06-15-2014, 11:08 PM
jewelz jewelz is offline
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That's what normally happens.
Me and him
Me and her. Not sure how much they have gone out together. Most times they just talk at the house.
Everything that we are doing and going through right now is based on how comfortable I am.
So for me right now, its just slow going. We take everything one day at a time.
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  #19  
Old 06-15-2014, 11:38 PM
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That works.

I hope we answered your question too! It seems that taking little bites is the key word.
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  #20  
Old 06-15-2014, 11:57 PM
jewelz jewelz is offline
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Yeah, most of the advice I got does help.thank you
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