Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 06-06-2014, 02:38 PM
Anakalia Anakalia is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 12
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
Now, I don't want to discourage you out of your idea, but have you thought of getting a separate residence, but in the same area? I live five minutes away from my boyfriend and his spouse. I can go to either place, as can he. But I don't have to worry about splitting bills, etc. I just have mine, and they have theirs. I hardly even sleep in my place, but I HAVE it.

It can be nice, particularly if you're unable to be open, so there are no worries such as, what do you do when his in-laws visit? When YOUR parents visit?
We do currently live very close to one another, time together is not really an issue. And 2/3 of us are out to our parents, so that's also a non-issue.

I guess it's the day to day life, the sharing of everything, and sharing of a home base we are looking for.

Really, it's just in discussion right now, so it's not really set in stone anyways.

Thanks.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 06-06-2014, 02:41 PM
Anakalia Anakalia is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 12
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Imagine you, as a single mom, moving in with your sister and her husband and kid, would you expect them to pay for you and your 4 kids?
Exactly this. I'm fairly certain that I wouldn't be okay with it. Thanks.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 06-06-2014, 02:41 PM
Anakalia Anakalia is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 12
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Savvyannah View Post
I'm really interested to see how you guys work this out. This sort of scenario is very similar to what my ideal family would be. I wish you the best of luck and happiness!
Thank you!
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 06-06-2014, 04:06 PM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 519
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anakalia View Post
I guess it's the day to day life, the sharing of everything, and sharing of a home base we are looking for.
I can understand that, but it's not necessary to live in the same house to have a day to day life together. The only real reason I see for sharing a home is because of kids, particularly very young kids that need you there overnight.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 06-06-2014, 04:40 PM
Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Crazytown USA
Posts: 1,845
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
I can understand that, but it's not necessary to live in the same house to have a day to day life together. The only real reason I see for sharing a home is because of kids, particularly very young kids that need you there overnight.
I can see that in a vee situation but in a closed triad i would want to sleep with my partners every night.
__________________
Sue with husband of 7 years Nate . Recently broken up with boyfriend of 2.5 years Sam
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 06-07-2014, 12:43 AM
AlwaysGrowing AlwaysGrowing is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 492
Default

I think I would vote for either complete integration of finances or complete separation (meaning all three of you separate instead of them as a couple and you solo). If doing complete integration, then you pool all monies and create a budget so all obligations are covered then each person gets "fun money." If all separate, each individual could do a budget to determine how much he/she could contribute to household expenses and you could make choices based on that. Obviously, with integration kid expenses would be shared while keeping it separate would keep kids the individual parents' responsibilities.

I personally would rather have an integrated household. That would be a lot more forgiving if one person makes a boatload where another makes very little. Or if y'all decide that someone should become a stay at home parent. Or anything like that. Then you're all aware of everything and can make rational and appropriate decisions.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 06-07-2014, 09:58 AM
AJoy's Avatar
AJoy AJoy is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Alaska
Posts: 36
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Inyourendo View Post
I can see that in a vee situation but in a closed triad i would want to sleep with my partners every night.
The distinction between these two relationships will be what helps you decide how to split up the bills and such. In our closed triad, we are totally financially commingled. We total all bills, put our 1/3 into a shared account, and pay everything from our account. Our extra or personal things come from our personal accounts with what's left over after paying into our joint account each month. So, if it were me in your exact situation, my kids food and essentials would be covered under my third of the total cost, but extra things I wanted to do with or for them (sport practice, movies, etc.) would come from any money I have remaining in my personal account that month. For us, we also pay things like our student loans out of our individual account.

Really, like a standard monogamous couple, you just need to decide on the level of commingling that you want. I've seen couples put everything into one account with one person in charge, everyone splitting bills and keeping separate accounts, and everything in between.

For us, we love waking in the same bed every morning, doing chores and other mundane tasks together, and commingling the hell out of our money.

I'm excited for you! Good luck.
__________________
Closed Triad

Me (AJoy - bisexual female) in a marriage/life commitment with Pickle (straight male) and Lamb (bisexual female). Preparing to try for our first child together.

Last edited by AJoy; 06-07-2014 at 10:01 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 06-07-2014, 03:23 PM
bookbug bookbug is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 757
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
I can understand that, but it's not necessary to live in the same house to have a day to day life together. The only real reason I see for sharing a home is because of kids, particularly very young kids that need you there overnight.
It may not be necessary, but when it works, it is fabulous. (Speaking from experience here.). Some really enjoy the close-knit family vibe, sharing day to day routines, the minutiae of daily living.

Others need more autonomy.

I realize you are speaking from your experience and needs, but the OP asked how to share expenses; not whether moving in together was a good idea.
__________________
-Me: 51, female, relationship anarchist
-The Philosopher: semi-LDR, 44, male - my intellectual twin; relationship anarchist.
-Intellectual Elf, 27, female, the Philosopher's LDR
-Polkadot, 36, dating the Philosopher
-Wiseman, 68, male, solo-poly, my budding LDR
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 06-08-2014, 12:39 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,677
Default

I'm a homebody, so cohabitation makes the most sense to me for our situation (which doesn't involve kids).

As to finances, I'm the only one with a steady income - and it is sufficient to cover all of our expenses. I handle all of the bills and financial decisions. For major purchases they have to come to me to make sure the budget can handle it. We each have a "household" credit card for routine expenses.

The boys get a budgeted amount of "fun money" each month that goes into their separate accounts. If they happen to earn money on the side then that is theirs too - although they will often turn over a chunk of it to me if it is more than they have an immediate use for.

Their contributions to the household are largely non-monetary (although they save us a lot of money doing the things that I would otherwise have to hire people for) - they keep the cars running, do all the home and property maintenece, shopping/cooking/errands, etc. (I wish I could say "cleaning" - but we are ALL bad at that!)

This is what works for us. I'm a saver and a planner - they are NOT. On the other hand, I work long hours and don't have time to do "domestic-type" chores...

JaneQ
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (5+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic girlfriend and BFF
Lotus: "it's complicated"
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 06-09-2014, 06:56 PM
Nadya Nadya is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 442
Default

JaneQ, thank you for sharing that! We are almost there with our moving in together. Our financial prospects look very different, but it is lovely to read all different approaches to the subject! Appreciate!

And, we all are homebodies, too, and this solution to our living situation is just perfect for us - as well as good financially.
__________________
living with
CJ: legal husband and
Mark: partner
dating Jeremy
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 04:55 PM.